I have posted on this site pretty sporadically over the last few years. I’m a full-time SM to SD7. SD7’s mom is deceased and died when she was 4. I came into her life shortly thereafter. Things were rocky in the beginning, then things got better, she started calling me mom about 1 year ago. I am expecting my first baby in July.
I guess my role has always been a very confusing one to me. I’m stuck in what I think of as eternal limbo. I’m a ‘mom’ to her when she needs a mom, but I’m not a mother within its own right, and am denied privileges that come along with being a mother. Often I feel like the title is more for show and compensation than out of feeling. We have a good relationship, but I think I read into more than it actually is, and I’m finding myself taking a step back.
Right now, I have a lot going on. I’m 6 months pregnant, and on top of that, my beloved dog who means the world to me has been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. She is on diuretics that are making her have accidents, especially during the night. I wake up and she is drenched in urine (the bed is too), and she doesn’t wake up when this happens to move. The medicine seems to be working with her other symptoms and she seems to be happy so far, but it’s still been really hard. I don’t have the energy I do to make myself crazy over SD7 and her affection. I also feel oddly that the closer I get to giving birth to my son, the less I need to feel like “mom” to SD7.
Anyway, this morning I was getting ready for work, and SD7 is getting ready for school. She often reveals her “true feelings” while singing to herself. This morning she was repeatedly singing about how unfair it is that her mom died. At one point she then goes on to sing about how you only ever really have one mom, and that is the one who gave birth to you. It got me thinking that maybe it would be better for both SD7 and myself if she went back to calling me by my first name. I don’t want to do this to be spiteful or vindictive. But I feel that I may have overly encouraged her to call me mom, and that was wrong, and that if the true feeling is not there, I would prefer to be addressed by my first name and not a name that holds such meaning.
I’m wondering if I should broach this topic with SD7 (in a kind and compassionate way of course), and how I should go about talking to her about this subject. I think it may be in our best interests. I hope this doesn’t come across as cruel.