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OT how much worry is normal?

hollyissad's picture

I recently gave birth to my son, and have never been more in love with anyone or anything in my whole life. He is my world and I have not been away from him for more than 10 minutes.

He will be two months old next week and I find myself terrified of SIDS as I know the highest incidence of SIDS occurs between two and four months. How much worry is too much? How do you turn off the worry? I find myself thinking about this and reading about it really often (pretty much every day and it's getting worse as he reaches 2 months...)


DaizyDuke's picture

Congrats on your baby boy!! I am a terrible worrier (anxiety and panic attacks) Something my therapist told me really stuck with me and I try to tell myself this whenever I get too crazy worrying.... Is worrying going to change anything? Is worrying going to prevent something from happening? The answer to both of those questions is no.

So I think what you need to do is keep yourself educated and vigilant. So if you are worried about SIDS, then educate yourself as to the risks and do your due diligence to make sure that you are doing the right things to prevent the possibility.. but then you have to let it go.

I love our BS6 to pieces. I can't see a GoFundMe about a little one with cancer, or read an article about a little one getting hurt or worse, without the worrying and panic setting in about BS6. But then I have to go back to my mantra.. "is worrying going to stop something bad from happening? No. So stop it!"

zerostepdrama's picture

Agree. I'm the same way too. It's gotten better with BS being older. It's funny the stories my friends and family like to tell about me being a spazzy mom. Ugh. But it was so hard. But it's true about the worrying. It's not going to change anything. So I need to stop stressing about it.

fakemommy's picture

Yes, read about it less and inform your friends that it is a trigger for you and not to tell you about children/infant deaths in general. Also, please talk to your doctor about postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. This over-worry can be a sign of both. I was extremely obsessed with my children after their births, but making time for you (and your relationship) is so incredibly important.

askYOURdad's picture

Congrats on the baby!

I don't know how much worry is too much. I spent the first several months with my youngest living in fear. He was born with some complications (he is totally fine and healthy now) but it just sparked something in me that I never wanted to put him down, hardly slept, didn't want anyone to hold him other than me, including DH, it was really all just a mess. It took me awhile but I eventually did sort of "ease up." I spent a lot of time in those first few months taking deep breaths and trying to calm my anxiety as family would hold him. I would say it was too much worry but it did get better.

Come to think of it, it got better when I stopped breastfeeding and could drink again Wink

hollyissad's picture

Thank you all for the comments. I feel like I just don't know how to turn the worry off.

catsmom01's picture

As the mom of a 21 y.o. son, let me tell you...relax and enjoy your baby...time goes by SO don't want to look back and remember that time as you being a stressed out, anxious mess! I pretty much had a breakdown when my son started driving. It was bad. I had to go on anti anxiety meds. I still worry, but it's more under control (and I'm not even on meds). He does travel for work occasionally, three hours away or so, and is on turnpikes and highways...I just say a prayer, and tell him to call me when he's back at the office.

catsmom01's picture

I don't helicopter. He's 21 and lives totally independently and does his own thing. I'm getting better at dealing with the driving. This last time, I texted him that evening to ask if he'd had a good trip (he doesn't text when he gets back to the office now...only did that once). So no...I've moved along a little bit in this respect. Thank you SO MUCH for your VERY SWEET COMMENT. I really and truly hope you have a wonderful day!!

lintini's picture

DD just turned 2 months old. I have been very stressed out about SIDS, and DD wants nothing more then to sleep on her stomach but just can't make the roll over yet, thank goodness. My DH says I'm freaking out about it too much as well.

You have done your research. It's rare. Keep up the safe sleeping guidelines. That's all we can do.

moeilijk's picture

IMHO, you're going through some form of PPD right now. The preoccupation, circular thinking, the anxiety and fear... that's depressive thinking. Some people need medication and/or therapy, some people can manage without. For those who manage without, usually the first step is to truly understand that these thoughts are just thoughts, have no power, and do not require you to act.

Basically, let it go. Soooo difficult! In my case, I found that not letting it affect my behaviour was the most important. If I put those negative thoughts in charge, then I negatively affected not only my own happiness, but that of my baby and my husband.

It's good training, because this is life as a parent. The world is full of wonderful, exciting things to discover, as well as potential danger. And kids have no clue. We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't let them take risks. So, we make the risks manageable.

When DD was crawling and then walking, we let her bump into things, close drawers on her fingers, fall down, trip, etc etc. I hated watching her do something that might lead to her getting hurt, but I would rather keep that intense fear and anxiety bottled up inside of me than let it prevent DD from trying. I don't want to teach her to be afraid, to not try, to take care of my feelings instead of exploring the world.

And you know what? It took a really long time (I have a family history of really bad behaviour when it comes to emotions, so I began behind the starting line), but now, with DD2.5, I have a normal amount of worry when it comes to her. A lot of little worry (did she eat enough, do those shoes fit, what should I do about that rude behaviour I see developing), the occasional big worry (oh no, she's got a fever! What can I do to help her feel better and get some sleep), and some panic (Where is she? She's out of sight on a walk, where is she!!) But I can handle normal. It's still there, but it's not preoccupying, and I have long periods of zero worry, or at least, not-uncomfortable worry.