Steplife is hard…even when you love your stepchild??
I’ve always considered myself extraordinarily blessed when it comes to steplife. I don’t have a child living with me who hates my guts, who treats me like crap, or is disobedient and bratty. Really, if we were just looking at SD7, one might say I hit the steplife lotto. I don’t know if it’s just a random luck of the draw, or the fact that we do not have a BM present in her life. The other day, she and I were in the car together, and she started listing off all the reasons she’s thankful I have come into her life! One would think I should stop complaining, right?
But I still feel that steplife is hard no matter what, even if some might be harder than others. It still baffles me that I have no rights whatsoever over this child. I know we aren’t yet married, but even if we DID get married tomorrow, I would still have zippo rights. I have asked SO if we were to end our relationship, if I would still be able to see SD7. His response was “I don’t know”. Maybe it’s my pregnancy hormones, but this thought bothers me to no end even though I don’t think anything will happen with SO and I.
I also feel that I have no control over the day-to-day decisions of SD7. Don’t get me wrong, my SO has gotten a million times better at including me in the decision making process, asking me my opinion on things, and supporting me in having SD7 around more when MIL wants her. And MIL always, always wants her.
This week SO will be having surgery, and two thoughts have popped into my head. 1) What if he dies? This is SO incredibly unlikely, I know. But right now, MIL is set to get her, and though we have talked time and time again about him writing out a will to change that, I can’t stand the thought. He doesn’t want MIL to get her. I don’t want MIL to get her. But she would, and she would be weird about even letting me see her, I fear. Of course, now that I’m pregnant, I’m guessing she would be a little bit more reasonable…she probably wants to see THIS child too.
2) I don’t get to see my SO or SD7 until the weekend, because I have to work and can’t help take care of him or her, or take her to school. It was all very sudden, or I would have tried to take the week off. I just feel like a non-member of the family sometimes. I feel kind of segregated when it comes to his surgery and taking care of SD7. I know it’s out of necessity, and I’m simply not available to do what needs to be done, but I wish we could have come up with another plan.
Why does it have to be so hard, even under the “easiest” of circumstances?