I screwed up
Today I feel like the most worthless human being that was ever dropped on this planet. My SO has been away after having surgery and recovering, and recently SO and SD7 returned home. I was just so happy to have them home. Well, yesterday I screwed up royally. I’d like to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I think I’m just emotionally impaired.
I had been planning to take SD7 swimming on Thursday night. She had been really, really looking forward to it, and so was I. Well, I come home from work/my doctor’s appointment, so I got out early, and I take her to dinner. Then we leave and on the way to swimming she says “I really wish my daddy could come swimming”. And I say “yeah, that would be nice”. And then she says “I just really wish I could go swimming with dad. I wish I could be with dad…” and she makes a few more comments about wanting to see her dad. At this point, I am feeling horrible, because she just spent the last week and a half with her dad, and was actually with him all day because she didn’t have school, so I’m wondering why doesn’t she want to be with me? And I say that we can always just go home so she can see her dad and not go swimming. She still wants to go swimming, and then I’m sullen and moody like a petulant child and she gets sad because I said something about how that hurt my feelings.
I don’t know why I can’t get my emotions in order. I’m a growna** woman, and yet I wear my emotions on my sleeves. Normally, SD7 does want to spend time with me, and I should have just thought “ok, today she wants dad”. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. My SO could tell something was wrong when we got home, and I know he thinks I need to get it together. I feel horrible about myself, and feel like I’m going to ruin my relationship with SO and SD7 all because I’m some emotionally impaired moron. I’ve been doing so well lately with this, and now I just screwed up again. Why do I do this?