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Thank you for your advice

AlexandraL's picture

I ended things with my BF. After much soul searching it became clear this this is the right thing for me to do...and also the right thing for him. He has a lot of stuff to deal with in his own life and maybe he'll be better able to deal with things without the pressure of our relationship weighing on him. He's admitted that he cannot give me what I want right now so I should listen to him. I've been trying very hard to be happy with what he can give me but I am not happy and have been unhappy for a long time. Right or wrong, I just didn't want to fight anymore with him and I'm exhausted.

What's the priority -- one more thing...

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I don't think "putting your marriage first" means dismissing children's needs...99.9% of the parents consider how a decision will affect their children, whether SKs or bios?

I wasn't suggesting that the kids shouldn't be a factor in the decision making process...I feel they should but there's going to be resentment when a child becomes THE factor and that decisions will be made based on how it affects that child. I feel the kids should be a consideration but not THE deciding factor.

Question related to my last blog...what does "SK is my top priority" mean to you? Please help

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My kids are everything to me and are my top priority, but why does BF saying that SD is his "#1 priorty" make me ill? Feel second? I guess because I feel he has made decisions and sees world through the filter of how SD will be affected rather than considering all things.

I'd never let an unreasonable demand take priority over my relationship with BF. I feel I have ZERO problem saying no to my kids and am able to consider my children's wants and needs with my own wants and needs, and those of my BF's.

50/50 custody, coparenting, and the toll on new relationships

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My BF didn't want his divorce, BM did. I understand him being angry about losing his marriage and not being able to see SD every day.

They have a 50/50 custody situation and are big into "coparenting". The thing is, if you have issues related to differences on child rearing which contributed to your divorce, how are you REALLY supposed to coparent effectively?

Quitting because you're simply tired...and need opinions

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I'm tired, I don't know if I should do this anymore. I've been saying this since the fall. BF and I hash and rehash the same things out and yet I am still confused, I guess because he doesn't really give me clear answers, until Friday night at our couple's counseling session...I explained that I wanted our relationship to be primary and that I felt like he was still married d/t his 50/50 coparenting situation with BM. I said that I needed our relationship to be the central relationship and that if it wasn't, I knew I could never be happy.

For those who might have made different choices given what they know now...and those who did

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For those of you who decided stepfamily life, or at least your particular situation, wasn't working for you...have you had any regrets?

I ask this because I wonder if I am seeing the pluses vs. the minuses. There are many wonderful things about BF and then, there's his situation, BM, 50/50 custody, a SD who is much younger than my kids, financial hardships.

How long would you wait?

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Things are not as I want them with my BF. Long story but his life wasn't and still isn't ready for me. Many times I've tried to end things but I love him, which is why I am still with him. That being said, lately I feel indifferent re spending time together. We've gone from living together and dreaming of getting married to seeing each other sometimes just once a week.

Too many people in one relationship when I want there to be just two...

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You can read past blogs for history, but I've been unhappy for over a year. My main problem, aside from not liking SD, is that it seems I cannot have a separate, private relationship with my boyfriend. He is living at home at the moment, and his mother is in frequent communication, knows all about his finances...hell, he has a loan with her. He also depends on his mother for child care, company, etc. I am uncomfortable with how their relationship is. Ditto for SD and my BF.

Update re my phone situation...

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BF finally found the time to call me this morning. SD was busy at a playground. He called me again this afternoon. I guess he figured out why I was pissed and didn't reply to his text messages last night.

I am still pissed. Him calling me does not make up for him NOT calling me for almost three days.

He's lucky he called because I was going to end it if he didn't call today. I am still having serious misgivings re the relationship because of him not calling sooner.

I am planning on confronting him when he returns...

I'm going to explode...

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BF is alone on a trip with SD...he hasn't called me since Sunday night. He's texted me, and IM'd me, but I still feel extremely POd. Whether it is true or not, I feel like he doesn't have the time to call me and I am angry and hurt.

Am I being unrealistic/unreasonable? I haven't gotten this angry in quite a while.

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