You are here

AlexandraL's Blog

Can I get over this? Long

AlexandraL's picture

I have an intense dislike of my SD. It is a long story, but her parents have raised their only child in a way that has made her bossy, difficult, coddled, hypochondriac. She also has been "spousified" to a degree and has been treated more as a peer and decision maker than a child. The BM has some mental health issues and attachment issues/extreme fear of harm (unwarranted fear of illness or injury, phyiscal or emotional) to SD...which has made things even more difficult.

waiting until kids are gone to marry (question)

AlexandraL's picture

For those who are married, in hindsight, have you ever wished that you and your SO remained as partners, in separate homes, separate finances until the kids had left? I've been thinking about this a lot, and to be honest, I was my happiest before I moved to BF's town to live with him. I had a good job with friends, I was happy seeing him, just generally happy. I don't really feel there was any gain when we moved in together...whatever gain there was was cancelled out by all the stress.

Financially challenged, emotionally challenged, why stay?

AlexandraL's picture

Being with my BF will mean being financially challenged. His divorce and CS and other expenses related to SD have currently made it nearly impossible to live in his own place...he lives with his mother now and will for the forseeable future or until SD decides she wants to live full-time with BM. He cannot contribute 1/2 to household finances now, maybe in the future, barring some unforseen crisis, which will eventually occur.

Add to the financial stress, his post-divorce situation with BM and SD is less than perfect, fraught with many difficult issues and dynamics...

Just wondering if you agree...

AlexandraL's picture

In most cases, being with a man who is divorced with children means financial hardship until the kids are done with college, and longer, if they turn out to be lazy slackers who use others and the system to finance their lack of ambition?

I don't know any stepmoms in real life except my xH's wife, and I know they are not suffering financially, do not have to deal with any kid drama or BM drama from me and the kids...

who makes the rules? is this your reality?

AlexandraL's picture

My BF and I talked a lot yesterday. I feel like a relationship should be adult focused and not child focused...in other words I feel our relationship should be the primary relationship that supports the family, that dictates what goes on, that it should be the focus, but if I was hearing him correctly, he said he was working toward that but didn't think he could give that to me. I also told him that I wanted us to make the rules together, for us to decide together what is best for the people who live under our roof. They have 50/50 custody.

Just a thought related to my blog yesterday...

AlexandraL's picture

You know, I was thinking...I have TWO kids that I have FULL physical custody of...why is it that everything is seen and life is lived on my BF's side through the filter of SD? I'm just not comfortable with that and cannot live my life that way.

Is it because she is an only child? I guess other men must act that way even if they have more than one child.

I just don't get it. My kids are my top priority and I adore them but my life isn't lived in relation to them, am I making sense? I don't even know how to explain it. I don't have a preoccupation with my children.

Any advice to on how to let go of anger and resentment?

AlexandraL's picture

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to let go of anger and resentment. I am not sure things are going to work out with BF and me, but for my own health, my emotional well being, and for us to have any hope of us even being friends, I need to let it go...

Any suggestions? I am really suffering.

Pages