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Family memberships

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This is super petty and I know it. We have memberships to a bunch of different museums and things like that in our area. We go all the time to all the events. Every other weekend there is something to do.

We have family memberships and have to list the children and ages so we list our kids and SD15. In all the years we have had these family memberships do you know how many times SD15 has gone with us to anything?

Big fat zero!

What was the turning point for you?

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What was the turning point in your step life? It seems everyone is on the before or after of disengagement and otherwise being over it.

I never liked the idea of being a stepmom but I gave it an honest go for a while.

For me the turning point was when SD got her own cell phone and never answered DH or me unless it was a holiday or she wanted something. DH couldnt blame BM for interfering with their relationship anymore. That's when I knew the alienation was complete.

DH is done with SD15

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SD15 won't talk to DH, what else is new. For a few months now he's been saying that she only talks to him when she wants something. I think SD has reached dead to him status because he doesn't even mention her anymore and he's stopped telling our kids about their older sister. Lately when he talks about our kids it seems like they are the only ones he has, like he refers to them as the first and second instead of second and third.

Ignores us IRL likes us on social media

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My SD15 will not talk to DH or me and also refuses to visit us.

However I've just noticed that she likes everything I post on Instagram within hours of when I post.

I'm not super active on social media. I use Facebook as a sort of photo gallery for my friends and family that live in other states. I don't comment much and I don't post much other than for big events and it's just family photos. SD isn't on Facebook and that's no surprise since I don't know many people who are under 30 that are!

The Delay

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Does anyone else experience the delay?

My SD15 does manage to be quite polite and pleasant most of the time. But like clockwork about 2 days to a week after DH has seen her or a holiday he will get passive aggressive or straight up aggressive messages from BM, or pouty messages from SD.

SD ignored DH from Christmas until New Year's and then managed to send him a small reply the evening of January 1st. Of course it included the standard "I'm busy" but she is constantly on her phone and posting selfies.

What have you given up?

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My DH is in the military and eligible to retire with a pension. When he retires he can get a new job and make a salary on top of that pension. Most people we know who are doing this are making really good money now.

However just recently he is pretty much told me that he is not getting out of the military until SD turns 18. He sees it as he has a guaranteed paycheck, health insurance and life insurance which is all required in the CO.

Update (he won't)

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I usually try to make my blog entry standalone so you have the information whether you read my previous ones or not. But this time  things are quite related to the previous info and if you want I would refresh yourself by looking at the previous one "will he or won't he?" and "BM and a funeral." Because things have taken an interesting turn.

MeddlesomeSIL hung out with SD15 all this weekend but kept her to herself and didn't visit any of DH's other family members. However she did hang out with the family friend who is a widow now and loves BM (see the funeral blog).