For me was a a few months after I had disengaged.  This was after the Girhippo called CPS on us (she was working for CPS at the time as a caseworker so it was an extreme conflict of interest) because Chef had dared to discipline the Animal Torturer (SD)by putting her in time out for kicking the HousesHitter (YSS).

The Girhippo accused Chef of splitting the Animal Torturer's lip and made up all kinds of false accusations which the older two were completely complicit in.  

It took me almost a year of writing officials and paperwork to get the charges labeled unfounded.  The Girhippo made sure that Chef was listed with the New York State Child Maltreatment and  Abuse Registry.  Her goal was to obviously stop all visitation and erase Chef from the three feral's lives which she did very successfully.

When it got overturned she was extremely angry so she went full scorched earth to the point where the older 2 stopped visitation completely.  Earlier we had caught them red handed and called them on not telling the truth to CPS because the Gir wanted them to lie.

Pumpkinhead (OSS) confessed but the Animal Torturer was angry that we knew the truth and that we were taking away the ATV that we had bought them which was trouble anyways because they broke all the rules on it.  Not because she was sorry for lying to CPS to get us in trouble.

Shortly after the oldest 2 stopped coming to visitation, Chef continued his guilty daddy visitation sessions with the HousesHitter (thinking the youngest would be different from the older two and that he was somewhat innocent) which I thought was a bad idea. 

I told them that all 3 should come and that he should enforce the visitation schedule/CO...although it was always terrible for me when they did come over as there were no rules enforced by Chef.

Turns out the youngest was the worst of all 3 and he went into these attention acts causing himself to vomit if he didn't get his way or if Chef didn't give him complete 100% attention.  Or if he couldn't get me in some sort of trouble with Chef (mini spouse).

There were many episodes where Chef was over the top defensive and actually attacked me thinking that I had been mean to his spawn.

But the straw that broke the camel's back was the weekend that the HousesHitter literally defecated all over my house on purpose because he wasn't getting up at 3:00 in the morning with Chef to browse the Internet for toys for Christmas which was several months away. He was just shy of seven yrs old at the time. 

Thus the name "HousesHitter."

Disappearing and ending contact then referred to us as hubbys new family (me and our 2 then toddlers aged 1 & 2.5) when to hubby and his family we were family just like everyone else.

this then progressed to sd's being repeatedly disrespectful, miniwife behaviour which i told hubby made him so unattractive for allowing this crap to continue, trying to elevate bio mum and stepdad as central and relevant to every conversation we had.
The final turning point was when eldest sd called daddy up about a year after reconnecting and fake crying and guilting him for marrying me and having 2 kids with me as replacements for them. They refused to acknowledge they and only they made a conscious choice to end a relationship with dad for over 5.5 yrs over lies biomum and stepdad repeatedly perpetrated, the hypocrisy that biomum and stepdad were having an affair whilst married to previous spouses and married in secret after divorce.

stepdad left his wife to marry biomum and skids didn't even know biomum was dating. She married whilst they were in school and waited for them to come home and told them they had a new daddy.

that guilting me and my kids for existing ss why my husband didn't prioritised time with a then 23.5 & 14.5 year old who repeatedly cancelled outings last minute, changed plans. At one point whilst me and kids were living o/seas due to my university studies, hubby had planned to visit his dad if sd's were available only for 3 days before to cancel and tell their brother because stepdad banned them from seeing their dad despite sd's living on their own in a home hubby purchased, it angered hubby so much because had they never had the intention to go, hubby could have flown to us instead

i reminded hubby their history that not once did they honour plans and it was always jumping through hoops on their own terms and it was his fault for being so gullible to fall for their empty promises and agreements to go back with him to see his dad and cancel last minute when hubby could have booked a flight and seen us instead.

i reminded hubby then that obviously even with that history, he felt we weren't important enough to see and that he'd rather play Russian roulette with sd's being available for a trip to see his dad and not honour it when he could have spent that time with us

after that, hubby prioritised time with us and visiting us. Any trips were planned a year in advance and didn't change for skids

it took my husband 1.5 yrs after i disengaged to have the balls to see eldest sd and tell her off that she didn't get to be mummy to our kids or feed our kids etc. i have a son with severe egg and cat allergies. Sd's have cat hair all over their clothes its always flaring up my son. He was in such distress at them holding him but daddy would prefer the fake "oh look big sisters" crap. To this day sd's have never apologised for their behaviour and its been 4.5 yrs i haven't seen them.

i made it clear to hubby i would not be at any family events or outings they would be at. They even tried to pressure hubby taking them holiday during our 4th wedding anniversary (just them) and hubby stupidlyessaged me from work demanding i book tickets and accommodations for our wedding anniversary which 2 months prior had said was so busy that he couldn't get time away but the moment skids messaged daddy, instantly available.

i told hubby firmly that day on what bonkers cuckoo planet did he think it was perfectly acceptable that disrespectful, rude, shunning skids be present at our wedding anniversary romantic getaway when they have done nothing to support our marriage but rather sought to end it, when every conversation revolves around biomum and stepdad this and that? Believe me hubby came home from work terrified and grovelling and apologising profusely because he knew in how much deep shit he was.

i didn't think we would survive that. Divorce felt like the only option. This November will be our 9th wedding anniversary and the only reason it has survived is that sd's are nowhere near us or our kids

I think we are currently at this point with SS11 or maybe just beyond it. I was really close to my SS when he was little. I've been in his life since he was 10 months old, but didn't meet him until he was 2 (BM's orders). DH didn't have overnights but had every Sunday and every Monday visitation and I think the frequent contact helped reinforce that we were just as much his family as BM. He and I used to play together, go to museums and parks, go see movies, etc. He always told me and DH how much he loved us and was very affectionate with hugs. 

Once BM moved SS (then 5) out of state to be with her GF (now fiance), all that changed. It was good for about a year post-move, but then SS started viewing BM and GF as his only family. We were either viewed as extended relatives or not even that. He became more physically distant and almost politely civil, like he couldn't be himself with us. It has only gotten worse as SS has gotten older. 

Now SS is almost 11 (will be in two weeks) and you can tell he doesn't really care about visits anymore. Instead of being excited, he is just meh, or is only excited when fun activities or trips are planned or if he gets gifts. He constantly talks about BM and GF during our time. And when he is on the phone with BM and GF, he is so talkative and excitable, but with us he is quiet and awkward. SS' phone calls with DH keep getting shorter and shorter. And he continues to reference BM and GF as "my parents" or "my family." SS still calls DH "Dad" but recently SS has slipped up on several occasions, calling DH by his first name, which is new. DH and I are well aware that we are likely a few years out from full alienation and we have accepted it. BM won and we are just working toward finding our peace. 

DHs kids contained their antics and ugly behavior to "family only" for 12 years. Yes, they did embarrassing stuff pubicly in that time but it only impacted DH or them...not me. THEN they chose to humiliate me at a party where my kids and many freinds/family attended. While it was excruciating at the time, it really needed to happen. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. And the cat was out of the bag....EVERYONE SAW AND EVERYONE KNEW. 

I have not seen DH's kids in 5 years. 

For SD23 Feral Forger, ex mini-wife, I never took to her. She was always abusive. The big turning point, however, was when she lashed out at me - called me names, insulted me, yelled obsenitites at me - and then turned around and lied to her moter Toxic Troll saying that I was the one who had lashed out at HER. When all I had done was sit there listening and shaking my head.

A few years ago, I did try to reach out, rebuild a bridge, but after she was told that she has to "work things out with me", when she got into an argument with her mother and asked to have her "old room back", she lashed out again.

As recently as around Christmas she called my phone demanding to speak with her father (to ask again to move back in) and I told her "well youve said some horrible things to me, you hate me, how would that work? That wouldnt work" 

She now blocked on my phone as well as social media. 

SD16.5 Power Sulk, well shes GENERALLY kind and respectful, but her passive agressive ways during Freshman year when she "activated" her mother against me was my turning point there. Schoolgate.

We rarely speak in any depth these days. I dont really do for her, and she just keeps to herself in her room (despite her tears about wanting a better relationship with her father). Her fun times are with her friends who drive, shes building her own life separately.

Just thinking about what happened to finally open my eyes is hard to deal with, even now.  In 2019, I suffered a minor stroke.  Obviously my DH was scared as was I.  When I got out of the hospital, my SS29 came over to see DH.  I was covered in bruises from the anti-clotting med and obviously very stressed. SS28 looked at me and said "You obviously shot a bogey ".  My response was "Huh?", and he clarified it with "One stroke too many, haha".  I walked out of the room and DH said nothing.  Neither SD32 or SD28 called DH or me to see how either of us was doing.  I realized at that moment I meant nothing to any of them or at best I was a joke. At that point in time I had been a part of their lives since 2000 and had done so much for them.  I've been disengaged since then and don't regret it in the least. DH has partially disengaged too. 

I actually clicked back to try and read some of my old blogs...when was the turning point? I think I just wish-washed for a few years. 

I'm not sure what the catalyst was for my throwing in the towel, it probably was over the last 2 missed flights, the constant ignoring... it was so much over so many years. It just affected my health too much to continue. 

I had many "turning points" during my time in stephell.  I would have to say the day I got fed up was a day last year in January when I came home from work to husb and his manchild cooking in the kitchen together like a married couple.  I had to once again find the hidden spare key to let myself in because the door was locked, as usual.  I walked in and neither of them even looked up once to acknowledge me.  It was icy and hurtful.  Then at supper, my husb spoke to his son and only looked at his son, his son did the same with him.  I was entirely ignored.  Then after supper they hang out in the spare room for 30-45 minutes getting high.  Finally, my husband comes out and sits on the couch with me and immediately gets hateful.  I was not saying much because my feelings were hurt and he hatefully kept repeating "what's wrong with you" like a robot, trying to get me to say what was wrong.  I simply said "nothing" because I knew it would escalate things if I told him I was tired of being ignored and treated like shit when I WORKED AND PAID FOR EVERYTHING IN THAT F&CKING HOUSE.  Also around that time his son was sick was an upper respiratory infection and he was just stumbling over himself with worry, asking me, "what should we do?  I'm so worried."  It was a cold for f&ck sake.  And as he was going on and on about his manchild's cold, I recalled that same month I was also sick with the same stuff and my husband acted like I was making up my symptoms - called me a drama queen.

It was at that point that I decided I was done.  Just over it completely.  It was hurtful but I decided no more hurt.  I started my departure plan at that time.

And I couldn't have done it without the support I received on this site from my Stalker friends. 

when my DW and i married. Other than in the formal definition of the term Step Father, I have never been a StepDad. My DW made it clear when we married that I was an equity parent to her son.  He, nor I, had a choice in that. Of course she and I agreed on that before we even married. Equity life partners also means equity parents to any children in our home/marriage regardless of the kid's parental biology.

So... there never has been a turning point. I have never disengaged. I made sure that when the SpermClan stepped out of line, that my DW and I were side by side pummeling them back under their slime covered rock on the shallow and polluted end of my SKids gene pool.  Fortunately, his mom is incredible and he is an outstanding man of character, honor, and performance.

My SS being an only child in our marriage/home made our blended family journey fairly seamless and uncomplicated. That and never living nearer than 1200 miles from SpermLand so we did not have an EOW/EOWE or any other local visitation shedule to deal with.  Long distance visitation (5Wks summer, 1Wk winter, 1Wk spring) kept the toxic emanations of the SpermClan to a managiable level.... for the most part.

With everything I think the event that made me think twice, or at least be more careful around OSD, was the Xmas she told me that Family is blood and pretty much nothing else mattered.

DH made her apologize but I don't think she meant her apologies. I really stopped caring about the holidays around then and do basically nothing for them now. And OSD just became worse from there...and after an argument with DH about OSD (really both SDs) I handed everything off to him . I do things now and then, like taking YSD home tomorrow from the transit stop since I'll be there at the same time, but not much else.

I cannot get emotionally invested because not my kids and no authority. I'm now a parent and DH should own that.