The Deep Dark Secret
I'm all in my feels today because I've got a lot of stress with work and my DH is in one of his mopey moods.
How do I get over the fact that my DH is hurt by SD15 wanting nothing to do with us?
My kids probably wouldn't recognize SD they are almost 2 and 3. The last few times they saw her we had my in laws around and SD pretty much ignored DH, our kids and myself, she just hung out with my meddlesomeSIL, and played with her cousins whenever the cousins weren't playing with our kids. My SILs have all chosen SD over us, as if a choice had to be made. My MIL and FIL are more diplomatic about it but they bend to my SILs will most of the time.
My DH has been playing SDs favorite songs from when she was little and pointing out her picture on the wall to our kids. He talks about her and it's like he's passing this mythology of SD to them because they don't actually know her. They don't really even know what he's talking about.
I get he has stuff to work through but it should be with a therapist not our toddlers. I don't want to have to explain to them all about their sister that won't talk to them that's why I don't bring her up. SD won't even FaceTime with DH because if our kids are awake she might have to interact. The last times she agreed to talk to him have only been with MeddlesomeSIL is with her and after 9pm. She only texts late at night.
If I bring this up while he's doing this he doesn't want to talk about the situation.
I'm disengaged, I'm over it, but I don't like my DH trying to make sure our kids know about this person that could care less about them. I don't think it's reasonable to pretend she doesn't exist (though it would be easier) but he's trying to make sure they know about her and soon it lead to our kids asking questions that I don't know how to answer and frankly, my DH probably doesn't either.
It seems like every time I look up advice or information on situations like this it involves infidelity on the side being shut out. There was no infidelity, no overlap in our relationship at all. But the way SD and BM act it's like we are horrible people. BM acts fearful of DH, SD acts like DH betrayed her. Neither of them were like this at the beginning that's why I know it's not based on anything serious enough to justify it.
I just don't get why we're so hated.
I don't care if SD hates me, but how do I keep my kids from getting hurt? I feel like DH is setting them up for disappointment and hurt. And later I feel like they are going to wonder why she hates us so much. When the kids are all adults will they be curious and want to hang out with SD and then what will SD tell them? Will she turn my kids against me? My DH has an older half sister that never had anything nice to say about his parents.
It's like we have this deep dark family secret and I don't even know what it is. It's whatever BM has told SD. If only I knew what it was.