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Meat Shields for my DH

SeeYouNever's picture

The weekend with SD15 is over. It's clear she's jealous of our kids. She had no problem with them when they were tiny now that they're becoming real people she's got a problem. We had to rationalize and defend everything we did for them, from the fact that they "get" to go to daycare (ah yes I get to spend 10s of thousands on daycare) down to giving them bowls for chips rather than let them take from a larger bowl like the 3 grown people. SD acted like anything we did was giving them special treatment. DH said they had a good talk on the way to drop off so I hope that was real and not just an optimistic take.

I was enjoying the return to normal when last night DH called on his way home from work and said she wants to come again in 2 weeks, oh and she talked to MeddlesomeSIL and she's picking her up, wonderful meddlesomeSIL is back to her old ways of being SDs chaperone. If MeddlesomeSIL is coming she will probably bring along MIL and FIL. DH said he has to work that weekend and had the gall to say "maybe your in laws will be able to help you since I can't be there." Oh so I have to deal with your family without you? And you decided this without me? "Yeah I guess so."

He has put up all these boundaries with his family because they cause drama for him but I feel like he's keeping his boundary now and using me and our kids like meat shields! The in laws get to see our kids and he doesn't have to see them. It's the perfect plan. A$$hole.

He is playing dumb and acting like it's NBD and SD just wants to spend time with her sisters and aunt. I did notice that DH didn't say "sisters, aunt and you." 


So since this was all planned without my involvement (because meddlesomeSIL always cuts me out) I'm just going to plan a bunch of fun stuff with my kids, the dinosaur park, splash pad, zoo, aquarium, art museum... I mean if DH has to work why should I sit at home twiddling my thumbs waiting for his family to show up when they didn't have the decency to plan this with me or when to expect them?


Aniki-Moderator's picture

"NO, DH." If he's not there, you should NOT sit at home thumb twiddling. Pffffft... If he IS home and the Outlaw, er Inlaw posse is coming? Get thee gone, woman! Let him deal with all of that toxicity. 

Rags's picture

Let DH figure out what to do with his people when they are standing on the doorstep and no one is home.

Since he did not have to communicate, you don't either.  Just go, when he calls crying that this mommy and daddy, et al, are there and no one else is. Tell him, "Oh, the kids and I are on a weekend road trip.  We will be home when the uninvited guests are gone. Buh-bye."


CajunMom's picture

No way in hell would I stay around for this shit-show. I'd either leave the night before or I'd walk out the door with him. Let him figure it out. He created this mess.

AgedOut's picture

make plans to be gone all day. it'snot like anyone set anything up w/ you so why should you be there?

(although I'd be iffy on SD allowing your in-laws into the house to wander around and tough your stuff. )

dragonfly878's picture

Lol I'd probably plant a vibrator somewhere they could find it- make ''em all feel like the unwelcome houseguests that they are... 

I vote for leave the house and let your DH deal. New rule- he wants to see his family he can be there to host. Otherwise- nope!

lieutenant_dad's picture

DH left me with MIL and BIL for about 20 minutes a few weeks ago and I nearly lost my entire sense on him. If he doesn't want to interact with them, that's fine. But I don't want to host them, either. ESPECIALLY when I have other things I could be doing, and ESPECIALLY when I wasn't the one arranging the "play date" with his family.

No way in Hades would I keep quiet if he tried to do it FOR A WEEKEND. I'd very plainly tell him that he either takes the weekend off or reschedules because I won't be used to uphold his boundaries. He put boundaries in place for a reason, and it was because HE knows they cause drama. What makes him think YOU want to deal with his family when HE doesn't want to?!

My family is full of drama queens and kings, and I never let DH be alone with them. I always give him an out to seeing them (okay, maybe not always, but most of the time). They never stay at our house for more than a day. Even when my sister needed a place to stay for two days while her apartment was being fixed we paid for a hotel. After baby girl gets here, not a soul is staying in our house who doesn't have the address on their license. Nope nope nope. You are 100% in the right to set a very clear, cut amd dry, boundary.

And if DH won't cancel on his family, feel free to do it yourself. Hard to tell SD she can't be there, but definitely able to tell the ILs to fly a kite and if they want to see the kids, they better include you in the planning.

Aniki-Moderator's picture


Hard to tell SD she can't be there

Tell SD and put that ball back in not-so-D-right-now H's court... "SD, you and your dad will need to reschedule. He'll be at work and the kids and I won't be home."

simifan's picture

I liked my in-laws & wouldn't be visiting with them alone. This is BS. DH needs to make a better plan. 

Ispofacto's picture

"DH said they had a good talk on the way to drop off "

Neither of you can't fight this monster, so I'd stop trying.  No more explanations.  He is just giving her the power she's looking for, and feeding into her stupid reality.


ndc's picture

Does your family live within a reasonable distance?  If my DH tried to stick my in-laws with me for a weekend when he wasn't there, I'd be planning a visit to my own family with my kids and do fun activities from there.  No way would I entertain his family if HE doesn't even want to be with them.  Tell him to make other arrangements if he doesn't want that to happen.

Winterglow's picture

"What a a pity I won't be here to see them" and hang up. 

Repeat after me, "not my circus... "


Gabby Haze's picture

My ancestors were circus people, and yet I find solace in the phrase, "not my circus."  Thank you.


strugglingSM's picture

She's jealous they "get to go to daycare" a brat!

And I agree with all the suggestions above, come up with "plans" that will take you and your children out of the house, if DH is not going to be there.