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Will he or won't he?

SeeYouNever's picture

Same s#it different month. I refuse to even indulge my DH in talking about this so I'll just vent to you all!

SD15 and BM won't answer DHs messages or calls so he can't arrange a time to see SD15 over the holidays. DH has even sent SD15 some gifts to try to get her to say anything, even that doesn't work anymore.

 When BM messages DH asking for money or paperwork he always responds but as soon as he asks to actually see SD15 it's silence. Could he legally do something about this? Yep. Will he? Nope.

MeddlesomeSIL arranged with BM and SD15 to pick up SD15 this weekend. DH found out from MeddlesomeSIL herself because God forbid BM or SD15 would talk to him. She has her standard Grand Tour planned and she will be taking SD15 all over the tri-state to her place, my in laws place, and other SIL's place, Instagram photo ops but... No where near us. Hmmm.

Still she messaged DH and acted like she was doing him a favor by getting SD15. So now the choice is will he or won't he decide to meet up with MeddlesomeSIL and SD15. DH is leaning towards no because he doesn't want to drive 5 hours to see SD15 for a couple hours with MeddlesomeSIL chaperoning and trying to get DH to buy her and SD15 things as always. Will he look like the bad dad who doesn't care? Absolutely.

My role in all this? When DH tells m about it I just say "yeah?" "hmm" "ok." I'll be nice if SD15 is in front of me but if she isn't I am completely disengaged from anything to do with her and the majority of my in laws.


Noway2b1's picture

They can't seem to resist jumping through hoops just to "do something" for their kids. My DH is still doing it for kids in their 40's. He pulls back a tiny bit then just HAS  to overcompensate when they "need" him. 

SeeYouNever's picture

If he doesn't I'm sure he will compensate with a much bigger Christmas gift sent directly to BM's house.

Noway2b1's picture

Shop, prepare and deliver food for parties and get togethers HE is not even attending. I've made it a mantra this year, "you don't need to provide for a get together you aren't even attending" let's see if it sticks this Xmas. I've even threatened to start helping pay for my kids get togethers with their dad. He didn't like the sound of that. 

Yesterdays's picture

Yeah I'm not sure on that one. I guess it's what he would feel comfortable with doing. On one hand it might be a way to break the ice again and open up that contact again. But it also seems quite annoying and kind of a fake, for show type deal. I would be uncomfortable in that situation. Of course it would be great if the kid would just visit... 

SeeYouNever's picture

Absolutely it seems fake and if MeddlesomeSIL is there chaperoning it just gives the whole visit this weird observed vibe. I don't understand what her deal is but she always has to make herself present whenever DH has time with SD. 

justmakingthebest's picture

We drew the line in the sand with my SS about that age. Gifts are at our house. If you want anything from us, you have to visit. 

He chose not to visit. He got nothing. 

Rags's picture

behind the herd for the droppings left behind by their toxic failed family progeny and.... their own toxic parents and siblings.


As for it being great IF the kid would visit... Nope. It is great WHEN the kid visits. Unless it is a kid like this one when it is never great when they visit. Though the Rose Colored Glasses wearing idiot failed parents rarely ever reach the reality based  conclusion on this.

The pathetic is strong in this particular gene pool.

SeeYouNever's picture

Yep. I could be the best wife and my kids could be the sweetest (they are little so they run screaming to hug daddy as he comes in the door) but it won't be enough for him not to get triggered into wanting love and acceptance from his family of origin and SD. I don't think he wants love from BM anymore but he jumps because he wants her approval because she knows just what to say to make him feel like the worst dad imaginable. The ironic thing she wanted to alienate him from SD, she tried very hard to do it, then she gives him shit about because she was successful.

thinkthrice's picture

Dad jumps to respond to skid(s)/BM.  In turn skid(s)/BM NEVER respond to Dad.  Thusly Dad dives for crumbs.

Winterglow's picture

How about he lets his family know that his ex-wife is obstructing his visitation and that his sister is interfering by aiding and abetting? Maybe even bring out the mega-guilt card about family is supposed to help family, not shoot them in the foot. 

I don't suppose he will, though. Some people seem to enjoy being the victim ...

SeeYouNever's picture

His family long ago chose MeddlesomeSIL. She is the golden child. He actually did have this conversation and they spun it that meddlesome SIL is helping family she's helping all the in-laws see it SD15 and they could give a crap about DH.

BM uses a whole situation to make DH feel extra guilty because whenever he feels guilty she can get money out of him. BM likes to cause drama for drama sake. DH describes her as "she thinks she lives inside a soap opera."