Probably about two years ago, I told DH somewhat jokingly about how I felt he was manipulating me in subversive ways. Like, he would ask me for my opinion about something (usually related to the skids) and my thoughts did not align with his, so he would repeatedly badger me with his logic until I would give in. Then, much later, when I’d be pissed at whatever was going on, he would say that it was all my decision, so how could I be upset. I didn't know what the term gaslighting meant, but he explained it to me that day and we joked that he was gaslighting me.
I just don't get it. SS is obese. It's easy for me to understand why by mere observation of his actions and how DH allows SS's actions.
But DH is clueless. Every six months or so, he'll tell me that the doctors say SS is obese, and what should we do. Umm...really, you needed to hear from a doctor that his skintags could be a sign of early diabetes. It's clear from looking at him. He's not merely overweight, he's obese. He's out of breath from walking up a flight of stairs.
The skids are here for 5 weeks straight. It's now day 5 and I'm utterly depressed. It's so much easier to deal with knowing that I only have a week before they are at their mom's for a week. I can take a breath and think that it'll be over soon. This isn't new though. We've had the skids full-time in the past for over a year, but it's so hard to muster up the mental energy to do any stint over a week again. I'm just so over dealing with the skids, SS is particular, BM, and DH.
I don’t like having the skids for visits. And, although they are here more than half the time (every other week+), it truly feels like they are visitors. Like, my family is a family of three with two guests that come every other week. I don’t know how DH feels every time they come over, but for me, especially when it comes to SS13, it’s having unwelcome guests that I have to host. I blame everyone involved (including myself) for the way things are and I doubt it will change until the skids become adults and leave.
SD18 got into her first choice college. Yay for her! Unfortunately, it's a private school that's really expensive.
I love this website because here I feel understood. I'm unable to share my frustrations and fears with people in my life for various reasons, so this is the place to I come to to feel a sense of validation and understanding for what I go through as a step mother.
But, this holiday season, I felt understood by the most unlikely person - DH's mom! Although I've visited DH's family during Christmas for seven years now, DH's mom and I don't get a chance to really know each other since we live far away and see DH's family only two times a year, if that.
I gave DH two birthday celebrations. One was yesterday since that was his actual birthday. I made his favorite dinner and his favorite cake. I also prepared a nice dinner and a cake today too because the skids weren't here for his actual birthday. I prepared the type of dinner and cake that the skids would want if it was their birthday.
SS13 is so gross, but we can't do anything about it. All I can do is ignore it and be cordial to him. He's got so many issues. One, is that he thinks of the world as his toilet. If that sounds vaguely familiar, it's because I've mentioned it a while back in a post. He would pee anywhere in his mom's basement. Behind a couch, in the washer. It was because he was too lazy to walk up the stairs and use the actual bathroom. But, in my house, his bedroom, rec room, and bathroom are on the same level. So, our belief was that he would use the bathroom, since it's not that far.
This is just a long rant. Sorry.
I'm tired and I don't have any more fight in me. I don't even know what I'm fighting about anymore. The fact is, I'm going to stay with DH because we have a child together and I don't want to deal with the aftermath of separating from him. So, why even fight? I've already lost whatever battle I think is going on.
Just ranting as I process this. I just found out last night that BM has stopped making payments to DH for skid expenses for a long time. DH couldn't tell me exactly how long, but she stopped paying him back for over half a year to up to a year ago. DH was trying to keep it from me, but SD17 told me what was going on and I confronted DH about it.