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Irene H.'s Blog

Still, and again

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SS16 hasn't spoken to me since the night he got caught dealing drugs almost a year ago, when we had a pretty significant argument. He left our house altogether shortly thereafter, and has lived exclusively with his mom ever since. Our home is very peaceful without him in it.

Next time

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I have to say, SS14 is about a million times better since her delinquent brother stopped coming around. And some of what she does is just 14 year old girl stuff. After all, the best 14 year old girl is still a horrible creature. But still she does some things that are just plain rude, and I keep telling myself, "next time."

Next time she comes barreling at me without saying anything, I'm going to pretend I don't notice, and stand there. Usually, I move out of her way without her saying, "excuse me." Next time, I won't.  If we crash, we crash.

*sigh*

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BM came to my DH* a few months ago, said she'd heard a rumor we were getting married. He told her it wasn't true yet, but likely would be before long. Unbeknownst to me, he was planning to propose at Christmas.  BM told DH he should wait until their oldest, SS16, is out of the house. DH told BM (1)SS16 is already out of our house, thanks to her, and (2)SS16 doesn't make those decisions for DH. My thought, upon hearing this, is that part of the problem with SS16 acting like he runs the show, is crap like that. She treats him like he does, and expects everyone else too, as well.

Roller Coaster, part II

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SS15 has been in trouble, almost his whole life. From about third grade on, he’s been routinely kicked out of class, kicked off the bus, lost friendships because people don’t want their kids around him, and wreaked havoc at home. Some of his issues are probably genetic (he’s adopted, was born addicted to alcohol and drugs, etc). Some of his issues are partly due to his parents’ inability to deal with him. But truthfully, I don’t believe he’s salvageable.

Roller coaster

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I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.

Two days ago, SS15 got caught dealing drugs at school. And it’s like a bomb went off in our house.

BF and the ex are making all the decisions, none of which I agree with, and none of which I have a say in. 

Drug dealer

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So today, my SS15 got busted at school with drugs. He’s dealing Oxy and pot. 

At the very least, he’s getting expelled.

I would probably feel more about it, if I were a little bit surprised. But after meeting him only a couple times, I told my BF, “If he lives long enough, he’s going to prison.”

And even now, his dad won’t listen to what he is.

Dread

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Lord, give me strength.

Tonight is the last non-Skid night, before they come for our week with them. We’re week on/week off with a 50-50 custody arrangement. The last week they were here was awful, and this week without them has been too short. 

I’m trying to fight these feelings, but when they’re here the house is so different, such a negative vibe. I feel an actual, physical weight when they’re here. I even feel guilty for disliking children so strongly, but they make it so hard. 

To say I’m dreading their return is the understatement of the century.

Getting worn down

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The Skids go home to BM tomorrow, and it’s not a moment too soon. It’s been a long week.

There are no rules, boundaries, or chores at BM’s house, so the Skids act like her house is Disneyland, and ours is Hell. Everything is better at BM’s house! Yesterday, one of the Skids was actually complaining that his hot chocolate had cooled too quickly, which must be because our water was not as hot as the water at his mom’s house is. Yes, you heard that right. The water is hotter at BM’s.

They’re all a$$holes

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Back to school means a lot of paperwork, a stack for each of the three kids. My guy doesn’t do paperwork, so I settle in (before any of you say anything, he does a lot of stuff for me too). I have to have the kids sign some stuff, and when I call SD12 in to sign hers, she’s snotty! “Why are YOU  the one signing these? (Sneer, disdain)” What I wanted to say? “Because neither one of your parents are doing their freaking job! You’re welcome!”

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