Irene H.'s Blog
I've been surprised at the ripple effect of little things, or even some missteps I didn't know I'd made.
I work ALOT. Most of the time, I'm pretty stressed about time. I generally feel like I'm not doing anything well, because I'm trying to cram too much in to each day. I'm regularly sleep deprived. So every little thing extra feels like a breaking point. I recently talked to DH about how overwhelmed I am, and we're employing some strategies that are helping.
I have a couple gripes about this group.
First of all, I come here for advice and support on step parenting. But I have had people attack my faith, (their perception of) my politics, and a whole host of other things that have nothing to do with being a stepfamily.
So SS17 and I haven't talked in about a year and a half. He left to live with his mom, where there are no rules and she openly says she just gives him what he wants because she can't handle him, can't handle his anger when he doesn't get his way. When he does come here, everyone is uncomfortable. The other Skids act like they aren't allowed to talk to us in his presence. It's awkward. So it's better when he won't come here, a spell that was broken at Christmas.
So for those of you who don't remember SS17 hasn't spoken to me since the night I voiced my objection to his drug dealing. That's been about a year and a half ago now. Shortly thereafter, he physically attacked my husband (big mistake) when DH suggested SS17's constant problems might not be everyone else's fault. SS17 then ran away to his mother's house, never to return. He has since been diagnosed with something called Oppositional Defiance Disorder and ADHD.
SS15 is like PigPen from Charlie Brown. He has "his" chair in the living room that is piled all around with crap. He waits until everyone else is asleep, then goes to sleep on the couch. It's like the LR is his bedroom when he's here. I finally started using it anyway, doing my workouts at 5am, even when he's in there. Watching TV and not caring if it wakes him up. I've been bitching at him for 4 solid years about how his blankets and air soft guns and books and crap do not belong in the living room.
And another thing! These people can't communicate! You say one thing, and they hear another!
SD14: Do you think I'll be successful when I'm older?
Me: Depends. What do you want to be? And what do you consider successful?
SD14: I don't think you can say that to a kid.
Me: Say what?
SD14: That I'll never be successful.
Me: After you turn 18 and are out of school, if you want to stay here, you'll have to contribute.
SS15: What does that mean?
I'm just aggravated tonight. The way these brats talk to their dad drives me insane.
I've written before about this, but here's a recap: My DH's ex will not speak a word to me, but leaves her kids with me, even when DH isn't here. We have 50/50 custody. He was gone a lot on fires over the summer, and then for a week long hunting trip at the beginning of the month. And she kept to the custody schedule, even though he wasn't here.
Today was the first day of in-person school. My husband was at work, and drove past the bus stop. He saw the school bus pulling up, but did not see the kids. So he called the kids and told them to get their butts out there. After they hung up, the kids start arguing with one another about whether they're really late. I hear this, and step in.
Me: If you guys need a ride to school, I can take you.
SD14 (dialing the phone): That's ok. My mom said if we miss the bus, to call her and she'll come get us.