This stupid child is unbel immature. Am trying to disengage, but now SS16 has decided HE wants to spend EOW with us I feel I should make an effort. WHY BOTHER??? We have a family gym membership (myself SO and my 2 bios). Not paying to add on SS as he is never here.....this wknd we invited him to come swimming with us. He is 16....him and SO were in the changing rooms forever while me and my two (9 and 13) were already in pool swimming for a good 20 mins. Asked where they were...."SS bought shorts that don't fit, I had to find a pin and pin them up for him.
Sat upstairs in my room as can't bare to sit and listen to pathetic attempts at SS15's control over his dad. Tonight we have had letter from school as he didn't show up for an exam. SO went to have 'a chat' (extent of his parenting) and SS blagged his way out of it as usual with total web of lies.... (which SO believes of course). SS then asked to go out with his mates - 'What time do you want me home dad??' in a silly baby voice. SO "9pm", not 'No you cannot go because you missed an exam' or 'No,you need to study first'.
Stupid SS16 has turned up after causing a week of hell and demanding his own weekly plan of visitation which I was blantantly blanked out of even after saying I could take no more. SO told him this was the last time (for the 100th time) and he would HAVE to stick to it. He was meant to be home after school, ddn't turn up. Left out his dinner (actually it was what was left as I have stopped cooking for the brat), didn't turn up for that, strolled in at 8pm and began chatting with SO about his birthday in 2 weeks.
Have started an AS level in Psychology and am studying positive and negtive reinforcement and conditioning to control behaviour...its sooo nice to see in writing there is conclusive evidence that letting kids get their own way is NOT GOOD FOR THEM!!!!
Tried disengaging and SS15 is taking this as his opportunity to completely get daddy to do everything he says. I cannot witness this pathetic guitly parenting and not be engaged in it. I have to be physically absent to not let it get to me. I feel physically sick and am furious. Basically SS wants to alter visitation (fo the millionth time in 5 yrs) to suit him. He has failed exmas , is direspectful and causes trouble at school. He lives with us mostly (and my 2 kids)and seeing as this was my house too, I said that no sorry it was unacceptable for him to just come and go as he pleases.
SS15 lives here fulltime with me and my son and daughter. Apparently all the meals I cook for him taste like 'sawdust', I "ruin all his clothes" when I wash them, and he can't "tolerate" being with my children for long (we've lived together for 5 yrs as a family, kids have always got on). Awful Kid, can't speak I am so angry. Dad asked him why he said that, SS said he didn't......
After a nights thinking about all yr comments, I need to make a plan. I need to disengage because living with 15SS full time is making me miserable and I don't want to be a moody mum to my own kids when they are doing nothing wrong.
How do I disengage as I've tried saying I'll keep out of it before then I get sucked back in and end up getting annoyed at all their stupid plans and decisions. I've also tried not doing his washing/ironing/cooking his meals etc and then I feel guilty and partner and MIL think this is terrible that I do it for my own kids and not SS.
Thank you sooo much- I thought I was on my own with this and going crazy! I have been reading since yesterday and at last feel that I am not alone and some kind of evil SM.