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Just how selfish can you be

EveryoneLies's picture

This weekend we went out of town to celebrate ss15's bday. Its been a while that we did anything for either kid's birthday and ss has been wanting to go to an amusement park. DH wanted to surprise ss so we booked a trip to a bigger park that's farther from home, and we were staying in a hotel for two nights for this trip.

Ss is on the spectrum and he usually can get a special pass that allows him (and the family) to cut the line. DH told him that and not long after, ss was asking me whether he can go by himself once we get to the park. By that he meant he wants to cut the line and get to more rides by himself while the rest of us three wait in line. (DD and I dont care much about the rides he wanted to take so we couldn't care less, we mostly wait for them two and carrying bags while they were on the rides.) I asked him what was the reason he didn't want to take rides with his dad, who planned this whole thing for him. I also told him that it sounded to me like we were really just tools to get him to the park. He dropped that idea shortly after, I didn't mention to DH (no idea if he heard).

Later the same day, after we fed the kids dinner, DH and I went out for some drinks. When we got back to the hotel (not very late), we couldn't get in to the room. We knocked the door and no one answered, until DH called Ss' name, and DD came to open the door. We walked in and SS was pretending he was sleeping. I realized the reason why we couldn't get in to the room was because he locked the hotel door. 

DH was really mad (me too, of course). To be honest I dont know why DH even bother to plan anything for his son who didn't even want to take the rides with him, and locked us both out for the room we paid for.

we really should just bought one ticket for ss and dropped him to the local amusement park by himself, then pick him up later.

i wish I never have to travel with this kid again.



JRI's picture

Do you think he locked the door due to security concerns?

Noway2b1's picture

I would know, my son is extremely high functioning and at 20 still has occasional fears that I talk him out of, he's incredibly smart and watches a lot of documentaries and occasionally he will watch something that isn't exactly accurate and he decides we need to do something about xyz. So yea could be they watched a 48 hours missing or something. That said the ride thing was rude but there again kids on the spectrum don't like being uncomfortable AT ALL, that's part of the problem with them is their reaction to every day annoyances and uncomfortableness is above and beyond.  That is why therapy is so important so that they can learn that while it's ok to FEEL that way it's not ok to say some of the things they do or lash out. 

EveryoneLies's picture

We are also having a new therapy schedule to be approved by the insurance again. We were mad not because be locked the door (this was also from the same person who would leave garage door open without letting us know, just thinking we will close it for him. We also had to change our front door lock to be auto lock due to how often he didn't lock the door before he left. The inconsistency is an issue for another day...), but because he pretended to be sleeping after his dad call his name and he could totally hear DH's voice (hotel door not sound proof).

you are totally right about the daily annoyance is what that is challenging for everyone in the house. Ss recongnized that his comment for wanting to ditch his dad was rude after the conversation so I will give him credit for that.

EveryoneLies's picture

It is due to security concerns, but also that he doesn't understand how hotel doors work. What is infuriating is that even hearing his dad calling his name, he decided to pretend he was sleeping and not opening the door for us, not the act of locking the door.

Noway2b1's picture

Something about "now that was silly why would you pretend to be asleep instead of opening the door?" Helps hold them accountable. The hard issue with autism is that kids on the spectrum have a hard time regulating emotions. Holding them accountable IS important and telling them that " in the future, when someone knocks and calls your name the appropriate response is to get up and open the door, not hide your head under covers and pretend to be asleep" I have one grandson who is seven and has Asperger's, he's so sweet in some ways and so demanding in others. I must say "thats not a very nice thing to say is it?" 100+ times and help him find other ways to express himself, he's a bit of an instigator with the other kids and when he thinks he will be in trouble he does things that make the situation sillier than it needs to be, like hiding or crying because he knocked his brother down.

I'm glad he's in therapy and you guys have input, good questions to ask are about these situations and how the SS handles it and how you guys should. Sometimes kids use their challenges because it is the easy way out of anything uncomfortable. 

EveryoneLies's picture

Similar things were said, I just dont think it's going to stick. I really hope the upcoming therapy will finally help. For way too long we were told by school counselors and the social group how good he is (i dont think he's a bad kid, but he's also not close to what they told us), our concerns were never addressed. It feels very alone.