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Hating the fact that ss is in my life

EveryoneLies's picture

Every time DH and I had any arguement it is always related to this kid. I can't mention this kid, and I also can't not mentioning him because SS is with us 100% of the time. SS stresses DH out, actually, as stresses everyone in this house out with his selfishness. 

The most recent argument had been DH wants to take ss to visit my home country when I really don't want to. Even if I know SS making everything about him is not really intentional (part of being on the spectrum), it doesn't change the fact he will still make everything about him. I haven't seen my parents for 4 years, and I really don't want this shit kid to make my trip back home about him. Not to mention the cost to travel that far. 

We've been skipping vacations because traveling with ss is always a pain for me. I know DH doesn't like it. I don't think this is right either, but I can't get over SS' selfish ass and basically ruining every trip we've had so far.

this is a person who doesn't appreciate, doesn't give anyone anything but keeps taking. I just really wish I've never known him.


Rags's picture

Then inform DH that he either comes with you without SS, or he can figure out how to get he and SS  there and they will not be staying with you and your family.

If making it about him/them is what DH and SS do, play their tactic on them.

Keep it simple.

EveryoneLies's picture

I understand DH wants to do things with SS, take him places, and I agree that is probably the right to to do. 
i just can't stand SS after all these years. 
Ss doesn't appreciate, just expects things to be done for him. To take him to somewhere that is not speaking the language he does, not eating the food he is used to, just sounds like trouble to me. (Keep autism in mind..)

i can't leave this kid with my parents, and I'm not willing to have him as a third wheel in between Dh and I. I don't want to give this kid more than I need to.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

This my infallible technique. Book your trip and tell him after the fact. If he is coming with you, tell him that the budget is tight and it would be best if he stayed with his son. It sucks but I would rather be alone than having steps tag along and if it means leaving my husband out of a family vacation, so be it

SeeYouNever's picture

My DH tried to take SD on trips to see my parents and turn it into a vacation for her. I don't see my family often and i definitely didn't want to spend my rare time with them entertaining an unappreciative SD.

I made excuses that it would be boring for SD or even that "my parents weren't ready to meet her" to get out of it.

But I did end up missing out on trips to see my family and it made me resent DH.

EveryoneLies's picture

Even if I made that excuse I don't think I can get out of it. DH is very aware why I don't want to take SS. I don't want to go anywhere with SS, inside or outside of the country. 

we have taken him and DD when DH and I first met, even though SS wasn't doing this intentionally, he made me feel like a tool in our first trip together. He was only 8. 

i don't even want to live with this kid, why would I want to pay for a vacation with him.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

My husband wanted me to take abusive SS21 every time I went to visit back home. I told him the airfare was too costly and my mother is very strict and we have a small home. He tries to convince me that it will be ok. I told him that we will see and that he would have to get a passport. Now that he is legally an adult, he tries to bring up the topic as well as a "he will protect you" kinda thing. I told him that it was fairly safe in airports so I dont need that. I am going for a wedding in the Fall and told my husband he was invited as well, his response "i cant make it but i can send SS21 instead as my representative". I told him that wont be necessary of course...he was upset over this response but Idc....I wont ruin myself in thousands to have my only family time be ruined by a spoiled abusive man child. On top of that, if ppl in my family see the way he acts with me, he would be punched and beaten on the spot....

EveryoneLies's picture

Protect you?! Lol

your ss is an adult now, if he wants to go anywhere, he can pay his way and go on his own. Why does you DH even want to have your SS to go in his place?

my dilemma is that I want to take only DH and my DD, this will make it very much like excluding SS,l. So far I've only gone back home with DD. We are somewhat okay financially, telling DH flight tickets cost too much will not actually work. 

ive told directly DH that I don't enjoy traveling with SS. I don't think DH can understand that sometimes I want to have some safe place with memories not tainted by SS.

SteppedOut's picture

I think it's weird your husband tries to send his skidult with you on trips when he is not going.


Winterglow's picture

Same with the protection nonsense. I reckon he wants his son there to keep an eye on her... Trust issues?

Winterglow's picture

But more likely that he wants the kid off his hands so HE can have a break and sending him wit OP seemed like a good idea.

EveryoneLies's picture

The "kid" is 21... the dad shouldn't need to get a "break" from the kid anymore. Simply ask the son to move out should be enough. 
but oh wait, dadee would feel guilty if he had done so...

notarelative's picture

Teen age boy in a country where he doesn't speak the language visiting his step parent's family sounds like the set up for a horror movie. No thank you.  
What does DH think SS is going to do all day? If SS is a picky eater, DH had better be prepared to head off the complaints (as favorite snacks may not be available). 

SS is 15 (almost 16). My bio at that age was so awful on vacation that the next year we left him home (and that was his bio father and I, he wasn't a step). 
So my vote is leave him home. 

EveryoneLies's picture

Well..DH wants SS to be able to experience new things and different cultures, which is nothing wrong. I just don't feel so charitable to want to use my vacation to keep this kid happy.

I don't feel comfortable leaving ss with my parents and DH said that's okay then we don't need to leave him with my parents. I said then we won't have time of our own and he said maybe we can leave ss with your parents for just few hours...

I'd love to leave ss (who's turning 16 in a few days) home if he hadn't had the history of making fire in the microwave and playing candles in a hazardous manner..


i want to just take my DD with me. (Did it last time when ss' passport took forever to come)