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Disengaging & Relationship Breakdown

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Druzilla's blog about disengaging and the breakdown of the relationship between her DH and skids prompted me to post this blog. Druzilla noticed that he and his kids seem to have less of a relationship now that she has quit prompting him. I've been noticing the same happening at our house. An example would be this Thanksgiving. My family was coming to our house this time (Mom, her BF and daughter, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, my grown sons). He only has one child left that we have 50/50 and every other holiday.

SO Said No!

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SS14 is at BM's this week. Of course he still has to call several times a day to invade our home. Last night he called 6 times in a row, while we were eating dinner. SO didn't answer, so both house and cell were ringing the entire time we ate.

Snow Shoveling

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Yesterday, school was cancelled because of snow. SS13 was home alone all day while we were at work. It was to be their first day back after the 2 week Winter break. He sat in front of MTV all day, and even built a fire! Apparently he called SO and asked for permission, and that was A-OK with him.


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We drop SS13 off at BM's every Monday at 7pm. SS13 is on Winter Break now (as well as BM and I) and wanted to stay over at his friend's last night. We tell him that it's up to his mom, since it's technically her night and he has to call and ask. Well, as usual, she won't answer the phone. It's been raining and flooding here for the last three days, so neither one of us are keen on dropping the kid at BM's house when she isn't even there, so we let him go ahead and stay at his friend's house, with messages left to that effect on her house and cell phones.


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You'd be proud. SO had to go into work today, leaving me alone with SS13. It's pouring rain today, so I knew he'd be inside all day. I started out with my coffee, toast, and iPad... holed up in my room where it's safe. He actually got up and my himself hot chocolate, turned on the TV (at a reasonable volume level for a change), and parked it on the couch.

My guess is that his dad threatened his life before leaving for work LOL


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So SS13 is wayyyyyy behind in school. Progress report was the F's, a D, and a couple of B-'s in electives. SO spoke to all teachers and made arrangements for him to bring home a grade check each Monday. Bringing it home on Mondays means we will get to see them each week, since we do the switch off with BM on Mondays at 7pm.

The first Monday he's due to bring one home, he calls and says he's going to stay one more night with BM, because he didn't get to spend much time with her since he was at sleepovers all weekend. Righty-O LOL

O/T Punch Bowl

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This is way off topic vent, and kind of a weird coincidence, since Gilly was just asking for punch recipes...

My mother sent an email to me and my sister, stating that my Great Aunt is downsizing and moving into a condo. Auntie wanted my mother to ask if one of us would like to have my Great Grandmother's punch bowl. Of course I would like to have it, as this was the punch bowl used at my wedding shower, reception, and baby shower, plus every Easter and Mother's Day celebration since I can remember.

How Far Disengaged?

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OK, so I've decided to try and disengage, as skids only resent me when trying to help parent them. SO and I discussed it and he wasn't real happy about, said he didn't want to "give up" on his kids. I explained I wasn't giving up on them, but that they have two parents and it's their job to do the parenting. I told him I was no longer going to bug the kid about school work, room cleaning, all the normal stuff... that it was now solely his responsibility to handle all of these things, just as it would be if I weren't around.


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Some background: When SO and I first got our house together we had 3 of his four kids with us. At the time SS10, SD15, and SS17. SD19 was on her own, my BS18 and BS20 on their own. We had 50/50 custody of skids, alternating every Monday. Except for SS17, who was with us all fulltime as he was kicked out of BM's house (according to him, there's NO communication from her).