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O/T Punch Bowl

ThatGirl's picture

This is way off topic vent, and kind of a weird coincidence, since Gilly was just asking for punch recipes...

My mother sent an email to me and my sister, stating that my Great Aunt is downsizing and moving into a condo. Auntie wanted my mother to ask if one of us would like to have my Great Grandmother's punch bowl. Of course I would like to have it, as this was the punch bowl used at my wedding shower, reception, and baby shower, plus every Easter and Mother's Day celebration since I can remember.

So I emailed back saying that I would love to have it. Mother immediately emailed back saying, "Your brother's wife has already claimed it. If this a problem?" I was floored! One, my brother's wife wasn't even included on the email offering the punch bowl, which makes me wonder if mother offered it to her before asking my sister and me. Two, my brother's wife never even knew my Great Grandmother, so it can't hold the same sentimental value to her that it does me. Three, her "is that a problem" response makes it sound as though I can't argue her decision without turning it into one. There are a million other reasons why I would prefer ANYONE have that punch bowl besides her, but those are my biggies.

Of course I'm absolutely livid. But I'm not going to email back because I feel like the damage is done. She's already hurt me with her response, and I'll just end up looking like the bad guy if I say anything. I've been mulling this over for a few days, and now I'm wondering if I'm being childish by being hurt by this. I'm feeling guilty for being angry over it, and also wondering if I'm being dumb for not emailing back to say, "Of course it's a problem!"

What do you guys think?


onebright1's picture

Maybe you could email brothers wife and explain your reasons for wanting it?

ThatGirl's picture

I had thought about it, but we aren't close and she wouldn't handle it well. I divorced her brother :o

onebright1's picture

Well there you go, she prolly jumped on it knowing you would want it.
Prolly just gonna hafta suck this one up...

caregiver1127's picture

ThatGirl - get that punch bowl - screw your SIL - it means something to you - if you have to call your Great Aunt and tell her you want it - who give a shit if SIL gets pissed - GET THE PUNCH BOWL - or you will regret it forever. GET IT - GET IT!!!

Sorry Onebright but I would not suck it up - it means something to thatgirl!!!

onebright1's picture

No need for sorry Wink I am a "whatever u say" kinda person and wish I wasnt at times.
So yea, if it means that much to her, she should have it.
Just make sure the fallout ,if there is any, is worth it.

stormabruin's picture

If the choice is up to your aunt or your mother, why not just go through them to explain your reasons for wanting it. Unless your SIL already has it, there's no reason to have to deal with her.

I think you have every right to be upset, but at the same time, it is material & having it or not won't take away the memories you have. So, if you end up without it, don't let it get you too upset. I do understand the sentiment, though.

SillyGilly's picture

#1- What does your sister think about this?
#2- I would go directly to the Auntie with "Thank you SO MUCH for thinking of me about the punch bowl. I am so thrilled to be next in line to care for it and continue to pass it down."
#3- Yes, screw SIL. I would speak up that you want it. If it has no sentimental value to SIL then she should have no problem giving it up and should be happy to. She can go get her own punch bowl.
#4- When you do get this punch bowl in your possession I did in fact find a great punch recipe I'll give you }:)

I understand that it might just be a punch bowl but it is special to you. When my grandparents died my dad asked me if there was anything from their house that I wanted. My dad is an only child, making my brother and I the only grandchildren. My grandparents were well off and have lots of valuables and treasures but I asked for an old rocking chair and the set of dominos because Grandpa and I used to play dominos while he sat in the chair. My dad (thinking he was being fair) said "That should be fine as long as it is ok with your brother." BTW my brother and I get along fine. I said to my dad "Are you kidding me? If he hasn't requested the same things whats to check with him?? I don't even want 'the good stuff'" Point was taken. I made a frame out of the dominos - all is well.

Is it possible your brother found out about the punch bowl, asked his wife if she was interested, and she said yes not knowing it has been offered to you and your sister? Maybe they don't know this is a big deal?

MARLA_823's picture

Maybe SIL threw a fit about not being offered it and after all "she's family" so she guilted mom into giving it to her to prove she is. Go visit bro and steal that shit. Smile

on the fence's picture

I would be livid too. It should be yours. Tell your mom and auntie to get it back. That is your heirloom.

ThatGirl's picture

OMG all of your various opinions are all of the same things that have been running around in my head! See how conflicted I am? I'm very much like onebright said, the "whatever you say" type. Two seconds later, I'm like cg and saying, "F them all! It's mine and I'll go get it!" Then I'm like Foxie, and would rather play the martyr and then be able to say, "I told ya so." Then I feel as storm and Ltm said, it's only a punch bowl. Not having it won't take away from my memories of my Great Grandma, and it's not like it's something I was sitting around waiting to inherit anyhow. I'd honestly never even thought of it. And yes, Gilly, more than likely my SIL had no idea that I had an interest in it. She probably figured my sister and I declined it before she was even offered.

OH, I didn't mention that when I emailed my mother saying that I would love to have it, I cc'd my Great Aunt, as well. Auntie hasn't responded. More than likely she will give it to my mother with the belief that it will be going to me. I think I've made up my mind, and if my mother doesn't have a change of heart, or my Auntie doesn't email me directly, I'm just going to start searching for my own heirloom. I'll buy a punch bowl that will remind me of my Great Grandma and all of our family gatherings. I'll convince myself that it doesn't matter that it's not really hers, and hers will probably be sold in a garage sale once SIL finds out it's not Waterford Blum 3

caregiver1127's picture


You can't search for an heirloom of your own unless it comes from your family silly - that is why it is an heirloom - you can look for something to become an heirloom for your great grandchildren to fight over - lol Please give me your Mother's email and I will have a little chat with her - lololol }:) }:) }:) }:) Wink Wink Wink Wink

on the fence's picture

That's what my mom did once. Searched and found an item just like the one her evil sister got her grubby mits on and it's been with us ever since. No drama there!

SillyGilly's picture

Yes my DH has some goofy lamp of a lady holding grapes - weirdo - that reminds him of his dad because there was a big arguement about who got it. I haven't asked him if he still wishes he had the original but I know he is very fond of this one and it brings him memories.

}:) Maybe you should buy a similar bowl and swap it at SIL's next time there is a holiday..... }:)

purpledaisies's picture

I agree go to your mom and aunt and talk to them about it. I did the same thing when my grandma passed about her huge ceramic cat. It was supposed to go to my sis b/c she was just there. I talked to my dad and told him why I wanted it, I wanted it b/c it was a joke between my gram and me, I would ask her when she was going to give it to me and she would say never! We both laughed and went on.

the next day my sis came over to my house and surprised me with the cat! Wink

starfish's picture

call your aunt and get that bowl!

you are not being childish and your feelings are more than validated.

maybe your mom isn't the best in communicating via email. i would call my aunt, make arrangements that the bowl goes to you. then i would call my mom and ask her WTF was she thinking?

good luck!

sixteensmom's picture

Respond to mom and add your aunt back and tell them YES I have a problem with it! Get your punchbowl girl!

ThatGirl's picture

*update* I did it! I found out that SIL said she would take it "if no one else is interested." She had written that in an email to my mother and cc'd it my sister. Sister fwd'd it to me. So I wrote mother back quoting SIL's response, and said, "I'm interested. Is that a problem?"

She emailed back right away and said that I, SIL, and Auntie will have to discuss it. I replied telling her that I have already emailed Auntie. So that's that, I guess. Hopefully I'll get a response from Auntie. If not, at least I'll know I tried this time, instead of letting her walk all over me again.

caregiver1127's picture

If that does not work then go late at night and steal it }:) }:) Wink Wink There should be no problem she said if no one else is interested well you are very interested so make sure you get that punch bowl - why the hell isn't your mother sticking up for you - that is not right she should have right away said Okay - I will tell SIL that you are taking it - is your brother her favorite - I know we are not supposed to have favorites but I know my mother's favorite was my littlest brother!!

ThatGirl's picture

Yes, my brother is her favorite. He's the oldest. I'm the middle and least liked, my sister is the baby. My brother and his family live out of town and have little to do with the rest of us. He doesn't even show up for funerals and weddings, let alone Holidays. But for whatever reason, my mother still sucks up to him and his wife.

caregiver1127's picture

My mother was the same with my youngest brother - he was horrid and died of a drug overdose at 21 - it about killed her and I wanted to tell her give it up already he is a drug addict who will steal from anyone - Did you get that punch bowl and now more than ever GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

ThatGirl's picture

Nope, still don't have it, and Auntie never emailed back. My guess is that my mother spoke to her before she got the chance, and told her that we'd all discussed it and I agreed to let my SIL have it. Oh well, I'm not going to fight over it.

caregiver1127's picture

Thatgirl - After reading about what your mother did to yo with that furniture you must now demand to have that punch bowl - I don't care what you have to do - that bowl is yours - I demand that you get it and tell me that you got it - you mother sounds evil and tell your aunt that you wanted the bowl and you need that bowl - lol

Unfreakingreal's picture

YEAH!!! Now make some SCRUMPTIOUS Champagne Punch to celebrate!!!! If you REALLY wanna be nice you can send SIL a bottle of wine that says "Thanks for giving up the punch bowl, it really means a lot to me."

ThatGirl's picture

My guess is that it was never an issue with SIL. The issue was my mother and her not wanting me to have it. I think I'll serve mommy some punch from it on Christmass Eve }:)