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What works with skid/step relationship: advice from daughter

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Submitted by manicmom on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 1:23pm

As some of you know I am truly at my wit's end with my SD15. Having exhausted every known (and possible) option, yesterday I had a chance to chat with my DD17, who's had a step mom for over 10 years now. It's been a non-issue since the beginning so I asked her how it was for her - what made it so easygoing. SM is a decent person and now has two babies of her own. She's not treated my kids like they were hers, but like they are respected visitors. My kids have always been respectful of her too though, and decent kids.

Diesngage or leave? Really? There have to be other solutions!

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Submitted by manicmom on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:01am

I'm really tired of the advice or comments about difficulties being to either disengage or leave. Neither of them solve anything and both are the easy way out. Why not put some work into something and have it come out better in the end? Is the point of this site to HELP or just to encourage eachother to QUIT? I knew my DH had kids when we got married, I didn't know what holy terrors SD15 would be, but I'm not stupid and I'm not blind. It's a challenge for sure, but it's overcomming challenges that builds relationships.

The cycle won't stop!!!!! SD15 is jerk, DH is a guilt daddy...and I am dizzy!

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Submitted by manicmom on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:00am

SD15 is so horrible that DH has even said that if she wasn't his kid he wouldn't like her. But for some reason he expects me to?? I've done all that I can think of to build a relationship with this kid! I've let her do things that she wants and convinced DH of it for her, offered to buy her things and clothes, given her "girl" advice, gotten her cute hair cuts that she picked out, taken her to do things her dad never thought to do...and put more effort in to her than any of the other three kids! All the while she's cruel, disrespectful, and takes every nice thing and stabs me in the back.

Should I consider medication to deal with the skids???

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Submitted by manicmom on Mon, 05/23/2011 - 11:11am

After the events of today and of recent, and knowing that DH is going to deploy soon, I was thinking that possibly the only way to deal with the skids is to go see a doctor about anti-anxiety medication. If DH won't change and SD15 certainly won't change, then maybe the best way to deal is to just check out of the drama. And since I can't do that b/c of my "never give up" personality, maybe this is a solution? I'm just at a loss as to how to deal with this any more. My hands are tied to make any positive changes b/c DH won't really listen.

DH mad at me b/c SD15 lied to us both???

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Submitted by manicmom on Mon, 05/23/2011 - 7:15am

SD15 is not a good student. Of course not, why would she be? She's never had to work for anything else in her life b/c daddy just does all of the hard things for her. In our county, in High School if you have an A or a B in the class you don't have to take the final. And she has to take most of her finals, but one this morning. The school sent a form home for the parents to sign to know the details of the process and that if they have a final in the morning and not the afternoon, they can hang out in the library so parents don't have to worry about transportation in the middle of the day.

A very nice car for a very bratty SD??? WTF?

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Submitted by manicmom on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 6:57am

On Mother's day, my DH asks me to ride over an hour away to go to an auto parts store to meet some guy to look at a car for SD15 (who has just recently shown 1 ounce of ability to act like a normal kid). If I had said NO it would have just meant I'd have spent the day alone or he'd have yelled at me until I submitted...So I went. Hoping that maybe I could talk some sanity into him on the drive. No luck...BS12, SD13, and SD15 all went with us.

Once again, SD15 rules the house

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Submitted by manicmom on Tue, 04/19/2011 - 6:46am

After the last set of issues and concerns, and things that had been building up, my DH and I had a lot of long conversations and agreed to a lot of good positive things - about how we relate to eachother and how we handle the kids. We even talked about how his "guilt parenting" was bad for SD15 and SD13. We both took steps to work on what we each needed to work on - and most of it centers around SD15.

This door mat spoke up! Now what...

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Submitted by manicmom on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 2:09pm

The week before last I finally got up the nerve and spoke up and told my DH I was afraid of him - to talk to him about difficult topics b/c of the arguments that it caused (#1 being the kids). He didn't say a word! And you know what, he STILL hasn't. We were even in the car quite a bit last week, and NOTHING. I even brought it up a few times, and all I got was a deadpan look. So today I'd just had enough, and all of you amazing women on this site have been encouraging me to stand up and be strong...so I did it again...in a different way.

how do I open my DH's eyes?

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Submitted by manicmom on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 7:16am

I honestly and sincerely need advice on how to help my DH see what his permissiveness is doing to us and to his girls. We've talked about it, but he just keeps going back to being a guilt/permissive parent. They are totally in charge of the house and yet he spends his time talking about my biokids (who are polite and well-behaved and even his parents comment on how good they are). He simply cannot see the hell that SD15 and SD13 have created and that he's allowing to continue.

every hour of evey day there's something! (vent!)

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Submitted by manicmom on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 11:54am

I am so tired of always being on edge just waiting for notice of how SD's are going to impact my evenings! I'm sick of having to bend to the point of breaking to make allowances for DH to placate these SD's! And dare I say a word, I'm being selfish and critical and immature and "out to get" these "darling angels"!!! :O Are you EFFEN kidding me? There's always a "need" (a.k.a.=want) from the SD's, and there's always a half-baked story to go with it from one of the SD's and daddy dear always beleives the story and feels a need (aka=guilt) to jump to serve.

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