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Should I consider medication to deal with the skids???

manicmom's picture

After the events of today and of recent, and knowing that DH is going to deploy soon, I was thinking that possibly the only way to deal with the skids is to go see a doctor about anti-anxiety medication. If DH won't change and SD15 certainly won't change, then maybe the best way to deal is to just check out of the drama. And since I can't do that b/c of my "never give up" personality, maybe this is a solution? I'm just at a loss as to how to deal with this any more. My hands are tied to make any positive changes b/c DH won't really listen.

Has anyone else gone on anti-depressants b/c of the skids? Are you for it or against it?


ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

You beat me to this question! I've been considering maybe going on anti-anxiety meds myself but I don't want to be medicated all the time. I really don't know how anti-anxiety meds work though. I've been told that whenever you start feeling angry or anxious that is when you should take them.

I too have a 15 SD and lately I find myself replaying conversations in my head with me and her. I should have said this or I'm going to tell her that. It is starting to really aggravate me that I am this way. SD15 is a good kid but I am sick and tired of having to repeat myself to her all the f n time. She lives with us full time with no breaks of her and SS13 going to BMs.

Summer break is fast approaching and I work from home. I will be here at home with them almost all summer long. Ever since I have lived with them (5 years) every summer we have gone on a family vacation. Last years family vacation, skids acted like major brats. SD had started her period so she was dealing with her damn hormones and SS decided to start acting defiant. NEVER AGAIN WILL I DO A TWO WEEKS VACATION WITH THEM!!!

I've already told FH that I do NOT want to go on a vacation with skids this summer. Plus, Skids do not deserve a summer vacation. All school year long they gave us a hard time with grades and attitude and lying. The attitude is typical for teenagers but their grades are shitty. They for sure shouldn't be allowed a summer vacation just for their lying ways. As of today, SS13 as 2 Fs and a D and SD15 has an F in math. FH told SS13 that if he fails any of his classes that he will not send him to summer school (you have to pay for summer school!) and SD15 will not be a happy camper if she fails math. I don't think SS13 will fail his classes but I do expect him to get 3 D's on his final report card. If SS13 does get those grades I do not think that he should get what he wants for his bday or even get to do what he wants for his bday. I'm tired of us having to work our asses off for them while they just coast by and give us a hard time about being on their asses about their grades.

Okay, back to your question. Your SD15 is not going to change her ways and if she does it is going to be a long ways away from happening. She is 15. A damn hormonal teenager. I love my SD15 but I can't stand her teenager ways. I know that I need to disengage but how in the hell do you disengage when they live with you full time and you work from home!?!

I think I should go on anti-anxiety meds but not anti-depressants. Or are they the same?

Oh did I mention that I am turning 30 this year and SS bday is the day before mine and he has always managed to ruin my day because he acts like a brat that I am getting attention. SS13 is so ungrateful and doesn't appreciate what we do for him. If he ruins my bday this year I will really consider moving out.

newmom01's picture

DOnt tkae it if you are pregnant or thinking about becoming preg...I know I sound like one of those tv commercials, but I felt like my life was being consumed by DH past crap ...BM, SK's,CS and everything else I got prescribed zoloft...wa afraid to take it because nobody could give me any info on it and I was pregnant but I was sad all the time and just plain old depressed, tired! some of it was the pregnancy but most of it came from the kids coming over and making a mess when I had worked so hard (pregnant) cleaning it up .. anyway i took one pill and it made me so sick I never took it again a few mnths later i see commercials on tv talking about how bad it is to take if you are pregnant I thank God for that....

manicmom's picture

It is very frustrating that I would have to be on meds b/c my DH can't parent SD15! And I'm sure that it will make me mad to have to take them, but it makes me mad to be around SD15 every day. I can deal with the normal teenage stuff, we do have three other kids around the same age that are with us full time, it's the total jerky behvior of SD15 and the manipulation and the friction it causes between DH and I. I just can't stand the anxiety. I can't stand being around her, and I get mad that I can't stand to be around her... She is just really really horrible. She makes bad grades, she dresses like a slut, she says rude things, she uses me to get stuff, she uses her dad to get her way, and she's mean to the other kids when she doesn't get her way. She is in control of my husband's life and that sends pains though my being just to type! This kid is just rotten! And b/c DH can't seem to stop guilt parenting her, I don't know what to do.

karenemoy's picture

I got a prescription for Xanex to deal with SS21 - have only taken a couple of times. Now I just refuse to have anything to do with him - he is 21 and dug himself into a mess. So I am cutting all ties. He is DH and BM problem - not mine anymore.

hismineandours's picture

Anti anxiety meds are addictive so please take into consideration before starting. If you are planning to rely on them to deal with your everyday stress then eventually that dosage will not be enough and you will need more and more and it is just a vicious cycle. I have been on antidepressants before-during dh's last deployment. They were helpful. I didnt really feel "sad" as much as I felt "stressed" and with the antidepressants I had a bit more energy to use the good coping skills I already knew and to get myself out of a rut. I took them for about 6 months and am doing fine now.

manicmom's picture

I guess I just don't know if this is short term or would be long term. Right now it seems long term. This kid is horrible. But my hope is that it can be fixed and things will normal out so it would just be short term. But either way, I'm so frustrated and just don't know what else to try. We've talked, we've argued, we've ignored, we've gone to counseling - but one thing stays constant...DH is a guilt daddy for SD15 and she uses it to her advantage - and to the disadvantage of SD13, BS12, BD16, her dad, and ME...but DH just can't see it - or rather can't seem to stop.

manicmom's picture

Wink You are silly maux. That's not an option though, we don't drink. Just a personal choice...not that meds are any different. Besides, red wine is supposed to actually have some health benefits. Hmmmmmmmmm :?

manicmom's picture

I need something that's low-cal. Diet Red Wine? Wink Nah, I told my DH that either something gives or I'm giving up on SD15. He doesn't want that, so we will see what happens. Today was the straw that broke my back though. I'm so stressed out wtih this skid that I want to very literally scream.

manicmom's picture

I just about had my breakdown at work today!!! Ugh. I'm not even very close with people here and several coworkers came to my office today and asked me what was wrong. They said the light was just out of my eyes. It is very defeating. That's a good word to use. I'm a defeater though and all of my life I've overcome challenges and road blocks and obstacles - so feeling this defeated is horrible. B/c I also feel powerless in the fight. It feels like there is NOTHING at all that *I* can do to make this situation any better...nothing *I* can do to defeat it.

manicmom's picture

Just hoping that things do get better and not worse. But if it has for you and it has for others, then there's hope. I just need to be more patient with the timing I guess...and go to the gas station where people are nice to me... Wink But yes, it is sad that strangers are nicer and more observant some days than family. DH is about to pick me up from work in a few minutes. At least we will have the ride home alone...unless he and SD15 "made plans" for us to swing by and pick her up to make her feel special after a half day at school... :sick: Either way though, we probably won't talk b/c I don't know what to say any more and he doesn't like talking about situations where he knows he's wrong.

manicmom's picture

Well...DH came and picked me up from work and the tension was thick after a day of email arguing, but he didn't say anything when I got in the car. He just changed the radio to my channel. (Background: I hate country music, he loves it. I love christian music, and he isn't a huge fan. We compromise on oldies which we both sorta enjoy. But there's tension over the radio each day.) We didn't talk most of the way home (I couldn't look at him b/c I was holding back tears the whole time) but in the driveway I told him thank you, that I liked the music. After that we changed clothes and he said he wanted my help on the 4 wheeler making some trails for the kids. We changed clothes and I hopped on the back. He said with a sweet smile "hold on to me tight babe"...and off we went. Later we took the kids riding and SD15 wanted me to ride with her. Um, NO! Not going to be in any situation where my safety is in her hands, or where she is in control. I told him that I didn't want to and all was okay. He told her NO. So, for now, all is quiet...

(Oh - and we went to the gym last night too. The exercise and alone time was very nice! It helped with the anger. Maybe that's the solution...not meds.)