How to give support- this is something we can witness in person but a lot of it is online, including on these forums.  Just please be thoughtful and kind.

Instead of:  Well, my DH would never do that

Try: It really sucks when your DH hurts you or mistreats you, he’s an as*

Instead of: I would never put up with that behavior from my husband

Try: What would you say if it was your best friend, daughter or little sister that told you what you just said about your situation

Instead of:  Well, my husband would never speak to me like YOURS does

So just now BM reached out via messenger to ask if we could bring one-two items of food for the baby shower.  Already I'm annoyed.  Yes, we didn't plan/bring anything to the gender reveal -which I think is dumb anyway- so it doesn't seem too unfair, but still I'm just annoyed.  BM now has her mom living with her and her mom is a really good cook.  SD's in-laws live out of state, so bringing stuff will be hard but I'm sure she will.  But I mean BM is hosting it, not sure why we need to bring anything.  With so many dozens of friends, the godmother, etc...I realize it's her dad, but not sure

So tomorrow is the day my girl Weimy is getting spayed.  She is 3.5 yrs old-we've navigated many heats with our intact male and know how to avoid unwanted pups- we have it down to a science and only 1 week of the 3 is the hellish one.  But it's time, it's been long enough, she's old enough -growth plates close by 2yrs- She had a false pregnancy this last heat and of course risk of pyometra the older she gets.

I almost feel I should ask this on reddit lol- sorry for the long post.   Overthinking things you know as usual.  But I do know my group here keeps it real and also understands dynamics and some of you know of my long past issues with SD>

FOr a quick recap- SD and I get along quite well now, she is maturing in some ways, and is very kind to me and respectful to both DH and I, we've come a LONG way from our eventful and acrimonious past.