Last month, I went through a very rough patch with my SD and her BM. Sprouting from me asking my SD why she was sent home from school (for verbally threatening some girls). I received very nasty, almost abusive texts from BM. And I did respond diplomatically once and only once. This resulted in a further abusive email response and I then blocked mommy dearest (as i call her). Later, I reviewed the response and decided to write a response but not send it as there is no point in doing so. It was more for my own sanity.
Long time lurker on the site, finally created a membership because this is too much.
I've been married to DH for just about 10 years now, been in 3 SK'S lives since 2011. HCBM was a tyrant in the beginning, telling anyone who would listen that **I** broke up her family and that DH had been cheating with me (not true, not true, not true).
Per the agreement, BM is supposed to purchase a one way ticket for SS9 taking him to her for Winter break. When the school released its calendar, I sent her copies via email and text so she could plan accordingly. She didn't. Before Thanksgiving I found a flight for $40 + $100 for the unaccompanied minor fee.. not bad right? So I told her about it.. of course she failed to capitalize on the opportunity.
So this is the update.
DH and BM just agreed that they each had to tell each other 96hours before they left town with the kids, the addresses of where the kids would be staying and an itinerary
We came to the town BM and DH are from with the SC.
BM sent an email last night saying "text or call me when you get there"
DH wasn't going to. SD has a cell and they call BM Sat @ 6 (we have them 48 hours)
so BM texted DH this morning asking if they made it (aggressively and argumentatively)
I can only hope that the past week has been a begining of a change but I'm not getting my hopes up. Ok, SD15 planned 5 days at her BM's. Well, SD came home early unexpectedly and without notice. My SO was surprised as well as myself and my kids (DD18 and DS15). SD was acting kind and reserved. She was social and did not demand ALL attention on her. I was shocked and so was my SO. The day SD left for BM's he sat her down and gave her a firm talkingto about who is in charge and who she is living with now. I do not know what happened at BM house but I do like the difference I see.
This isn't the first time the subject of relinquishing his parental rights has been brought up. Last year when DH got home from a 9 month deployment, we briefly had a discussion about "what if." But yesterday DH said he's actually going to file a petition. It's not that he doesn't love SS5, but that he wants absolutely nothing to do with BM anymore and he said the court system is failing to do their job. He's tired and exhausted and just wants it to stop.
I need a reality check!
DH and I have a bio DD2.
DH has SD9 every other week. BM has been constantly interrupting our parenting time for the past 3 years and including our 10 day family vacations and holidays. DH has told BM that he needs space from her constant contact and emails are only the acceptable form of communication.
BM is very good at demeaning DH and me. She’s tried to cause arguments between my DH and I. So this is reason we limit physical interaction with BM as our kids don’t need to be exposed to this unhealthy behavior.
I am writing this in hopes that someone else is either going through this or has successfully gone through this. I'm really wanting to learn how to like my SS but it is so hard.