DH wants to relinquish parental rights!
This isn't the first time the subject of relinquishing his parental rights has been brought up. Last year when DH got home from a 9 month deployment, we briefly had a discussion about "what if." But yesterday DH said he's actually going to file a petition. It's not that he doesn't love SS5, but that he wants absolutely nothing to do with BM anymore and he said the court system is failing to do their job. He's tired and exhausted and just wants it to stop.
DH feels only 2 visits a year has absolutely no impact on SS5 and he can't even parent how he wants bc/ BM is very controlling, so it's just not worth it. BM is always making comments about how DH has no right to comment on her parenting (or lack of) because he wasn't around for the first 2 years. However, BM is the one who told DH that SS was someone else's until he got his with a court ordered paternity test. My husband also pays so much in child support each month yet SS never seems to have clothes that fit. During the summer visit, BM only packed size 2T...SS is 4T. So we had to buy him more clothes. DH is under the impression that she did that on purpose. During this current visit, BM asked us to buy SS a winter jacket. DH is frustrated because he pays over half a thousand dollars a month, she gets almost $500 in food stamps even though she works, and she's 39 and just moved back in with her parent's and she doesn't pay rent. Why can't she buy him a jacket?? My MIL is always reaching out to me asking us to buy and mail her clothes because SS has nothing that fits. So DH is concerned that BM has been spending that money to fuel her alcohol and drug problem instead of SS.
BM also makes it nearly impossible for DH to see SS outside of my husband's 2 block leaves a year. He says the court system is failing because apparently they'd rather have SS living with an alcoholic and drug user than with him and because of DH job, he can't keep going out of state to go to court to fight for custody rights. He's tried. He went on emergency leave to file for temporary custody when he found out BM had been doing cocaine, but that request was denied. The court instead suggested that DH file for joint custody, so he did. He has yet to hear back from them.
He also wants to give our almost 2 month old daughter the best life possible and feels that with how much he's paying in child support (especially when it's not even going towards the child), it's taking away from her. We've been struggling to even afford formula. My in-laws have been financially helping us out with DD and DH is ashamed that he can't fully provide for her.
I told DH that if he goes through with this, it's not reversible and he can have no say in how SS is raised and no contact with him until he's 18. I asked if he'd be okay with that and he said yes because that's basically what's already happening. I'm not sure if he's serious about doing this or if he just feels defeated at the moment. I'm not sure if I should support his decision to do this, or not, bc I know SS really needs his Father. But at the same time, I do want my daughter to have what she needs and deserves and it's been so difficult for us and having to deal with BM just puts salt in the wound. I want DH to not have to struggle emotionally or financially and for him to be happy. I've never seen him like this before but for some reason, this visit with SS has taken a toll on him. He even asked SS today if he could chose, would he want to live with Daddy or stay with Mommy. SS said with Mommy. So that made DH feel less guilty about considering filing. Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it bc/in order to relinquish his rights BM has to agree and I doubt she will. She sees a dollar sign when she looks at DH and I don't think she'd be willing to give up free money.