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SteppingUp's Blog

Spoke too soon...I posted yesterday how BM is suddenly a better parent....psht.

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We are never scheduled to have the skids on Tuesdays. Around 3pm yesterday BM called FDH and asked if we could take them because she was sick. I promptly checked her Facebook (which she doesn't know we have access to) and of course she had gone out the night before. I told FDH she's probably hungover.

I just looked at it this morning to see if she did anything last night, and she posted at 8pm: "Meetin my chick Taylor at ___ (bar) - gonna do it up summa style!" and she posted a photo from her mobile at 1:30am...

BM is suddenly a lot better of a parent...I think this change happened since I had my son.

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Haven't had a whole lot of complaints about BM lately...atleast none that affect the skids. Sure, she goes out every single weeknight she doesn't have the skids but really that isn't our business since it's her free nights...just amazes us that she has the money to spend. But this past weekend she actually took the skids all by herself to a hotel out of town that had a water park. We thought for sure she brought along a boy toy, but we found out it was just BM and her two kids. I almost pooped myself out of surprise.

FDH's new job and BM's changing tune...is she bipolar??

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If you've followed my blogs over the past few days, you'll know that FDH is in the process of getting a new job. It's more money, less stress, a 401K, health package, etc. The issues are that he has to leave for a 4 week training in a city 4 hours away, although he can come home on the weekends. Also his schedule will change with the skids a bit. Yes the training will suck...but it's temporary.

Visitation changing...FDH is on board but BM NOT.

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I posted a few days ago asking opinions on the best visitation schedule for 50/50 custody. Almost all of you said every other week seems to work best and gives the kids a sense of stability.

I suggested to FDH that with his new job we try to make our time with SS3 a chunk of time, rather than this day that day this day that day. He was totally on-board and thought it was a great idea! I was so happy that we were completely in sync with this. He actually got so excited about it that he called BM right away to feel her out.

What is the best 50/50 version of custody, in your opinion?

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Our current situation: we have SS3 Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, then Wednesday, Thursday the following week (it's technically just under 50/50 because it's 6 days every 14). The pros of this schedule is that we have him EOW so that's nice not to have him each wknd. Another pro is that if we want to go to something like a class that only offered on a Wednesday, we know that we can go at least once in 2 weeks. Also if the skids are in a weekly class like gymnastics, we aren't always the ones who have to take them on a certain night.

Three reasons why BM is a piece.

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1. Last night we got hit with a huge storm and the tornado sirens were going off. FDH called BM to find out where she was and to see if they were all safe (she lives on 3rd floor of an apt building). She said she had no idea what was going on. He asked her if she could hear the storm and the sirens and she said yeah but she said that she has Direct TV so she doesn't have anything local to check the weather (nevermind she is on her laptop and phone internet allll the time). FDH told her she better take the kids to wherever in their building that is designated storm shelter.

Officially disengaging (sorta) with "approval" from FDH. Also a question for you disengagers out there.

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Loooonggg, emotional talk last night with FDH and my feelings about the skids. Basically I've turned into the bad guy because I'm primarily the one around when the skids act up. FDH backs me up when he's there but he just simply doesn't notice half the stuff they do. Also I'm the one who gets them going in and drops them off in the mornings which is just a joy *dripping sarcasm*.

Step parents who became BMs...please share experiences and advice.

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To those of you who were steps FIRST, then had your own child(ren): How did things change? How did you deal with the changes and feelings?

I'm really struggling right now. My son is now 3 months old and it's soooo much more obvious to me emotionally that the skids are NOT mine. They are not raised by BM the way that I will raise my son and that bothers the crap out of me. I'm so scared that my son is going to think that SS is SOOO cool and I really feel that he's going to turn into a hellraiser. I'm so scared my son will copy him.

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