I haven't posted in ages, since my last step child left the house in June 2015. But I do check in from time to time and see how people are doing here, and we still do have moments tainted by the glorious skids LOL
We all know there's no point in engaging our toxic BM's so I know I have no one blame but myself for wishing it might go okay to respond to the baiting of a toxic mother and sister. My fault. I get it.
I asked for opinions on Saturday re: my mother and sister sending multiple invitations exclusively to my BS 15 for family events which specifically exclude me and my husband. All other members of the family are included in these invitations, including my husband's two children.
I have had a difficult relationship with my mother all my life. My earliest memories include difficult times with her. We've been cautious of one another for years and things came to a head this June. We won't be having a relationship any longer. My sister, who profusely proclaimed that she refused to be caught in the middle of anything and wouldn't take sides, has done exactly that.
I, only a few minutes ago, got off the phone with my husband. Because orange isn't my favourite colour and I don't really want to live without him, I need to rant here. I completely appreciate that none of you really know what kind of work we do, so the context of the situation might be lost on you, but I still need to vent.
My husband is still struggling with the fact that his children aren't a part of his life. For the last few months he has been taking out his frustration on me and my son. Never anything serious, but at this point it's getting seriously annoying.
Has anyone successfully managed to live apart from their DH but keep the marriage/relationship strong as a couple? I've been considering it if my DH wants to be spending more time with his daughter and estranged son - if it will make him happy. (Since his son 16 ran away two months ago, DH has been taking it out on me and my DS15 - understandable, but certainly not fun for either of us.)
Months ago, like Christmas maybe, my DH says "I'd really like to go to Newfoundland this summer and visit family again. Either all of us or just me and SS16 if you don't want to go." I say sure, we can all go. Just not til August and probably the second half since BS plays football. We'll go see my dad who lives in PEI too. (We were still all one big happy family at this point.)
We own professional businesses in the same town. We used to be partners, but split ten years ago. She had an affair on my dad (step dad, but he's my 'pops') at that time, which was the last straw for me. But she's an undiagnosed BPD, married five times, engaged at least four more times than that, extremely defensive person. So by "last straw" I do mean I finally had enough.
It took BM just two days to ask for money when SDthen16 left, but she waited a full month before asking for SS16.
And actually applied to your life?
I've learned I was naive to believe I could love skids as my own. I did not understand that love needs to be reciprocated even with children. Seems obvious now, but...
So now I understand that it's okay, and normal, NOT to care a fig about them if that works for me. It's a relief to set myself free from those chains. I can't talk about that with anyone NOT from here of course, but it's freeing all the same lol.
Follow up from previous blogs on SS16 now estranged:
DH received a text from estranged SD18 "Hey dad! Me and SS16 want to take you out for Father's Day dinner on Monday!"
He said, "That's not right. You should have been invited Sparklelady. I'm not sure what to do."
I told him, I honestly don't really care. They want to make this about me, but you could be married to any woman who insisted on rules and they'd behave the same.