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Hello from the other side!

Sparklelady's picture

I haven't posted in ages, since my last step child left the house in June 2015. But I do check in from time to time and see how people are doing here, and we still do have moments tainted by the glorious skids LOL

Quick background: SD 20 left our house at age 16 and SS soon to be 18 left at the same age. DS 17 is still happily living with us. BM is an undiagnosed BPD with a little Munchhausen by proxy thrown in, and she is typical of pretty much every BM we read about on the site. She orchestrated the return of the skids to her craziness, behind our backs naturally, and her motivation was money. Which she never received, but that's another story. Probably in one of my old blogs but who really cares now!

My husband, finally, about the end of last summer, began to behave more normally where my son was involved. It took well over a year for him to stop sabotaging our family time together because his kids had left. Vacations, dinners out, just general family time that we were sharing was frequently wrecked by his inability to deal with his kids "abandoning" him. He would take out his frustration on my son, just with nasty little comments every once in a while, meant to hurt as he was hurting. (don't worry, I called him on it!) He still sees both of them about once a week for a few minutes, and occasionally he will have a meal with them as well. Very occasionally.

For him, it has been a really difficult transition. As much as he loves them, he doesn't like either of them very much. He is disappointed frequently by them, and the holidays were no exception. And when I say disappointed, I don't mean he's disappointed in them for not living up to his standards, I mean disappointed in that they make plans and they don't show up, or they plan to exchange Christmas gifts and one doesn't bother to give him a gift… it's all the little hurtful things that they continue to do.

But as the stepmom? Well life is pretty damn great, let me tell you. Some of you, I know, will never get to escape step hell because you are stuck with the skids, or madly in love with your partners and the skids aren't going anywhere so you accept that they will be there. I will always feel for you and your situations. In fact, I never dreamed mine would turn out the way it has. But for those of you who might see a light at the end of the tunnel, with skids leaving your life, or possibly even contemplating moving on from your current partner and their children - being without skids is like recovering from a disease. You didn't quite realize just how sick you were, until you're healthy again! That's not to say there wasn't some recovery time for me as well. After having loved these children for quite a long time, it was rather difficult to come to terms with the rejection and loss of the relationships, and then overcoming the loss of trust from all the lies that they told. Never mind the horror of extended family and all of their opinions… but I am me again. Whole and happy. So healed, that actually this past Christmas I didn't even make plans for us to go away because I didn't care if we saw them or didn't see them at a family function. And to those of you who feel sick or cold to your core or shaky at the very thought of having to spend any time with skids/anything tainted by BM, I'm sure you understand how liberating that would be to suddenly not care one damn iota if they were anywhere near you.

So for those of you still stuck in skid hell, I send you hugs and strength and love! I hope this new year will be filled with peace of mind and strength. Because I know that you of all people on this planet, need it, LOL!


CLove's picture

Thank you!!! That sounds fabulous!

I am new to this site, but since I came on here a few months ago, I already feel so much better, stronger, and am able to put WORDS to my emotions, feel a validation that I am NOT the crazy one, causing all the problems.

I have 2 Skids: SD17-almost-18, and SD10-almost-11. The elder is a Spawn from hell, the youngest is mostly angelic, but with Spawn potential (just by virtue of DNA and having the same parents as older one). I do not have any children of my own. The past 2 1/2 years have been mostly ok, with SO having 50/50, up until recently, when we discovered "suddenly" that SD17 has a kleptomania problem, is a pathological liar, and in general has "issues" with real life. I say "suddenly" dripping with much sarcasm, because all along I have experienced the lies and the issues. The stealing is new to me, but I suspected a long time.

Now, she is realizing her actions have consequences and no one believes a thing dhe sais, and it is "stressing her out".

I am looking forward to her (hopeful, fingers crossed) launch, in a few months, and am being vigilant about the younger.

Im glad to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

2badsosad's picture

I have four more years and I long for the day she leaves. Thank you for your encouraging post.

Kes's picture

Sparklelady, congratulations in surviving SKIDville and getting your sparkle back I trust! Like you, I am pretty much OUT the other side of skid hell, I see mine once in a blue moon, the elder is nearly 22 and in her final year of Uni, in my my DH pays his last support payment to her, ever in May (he no longer pays NPD BM, but gives the SDs maintenance money for college). The younger is 20 and in first year of Uni.

My life has changed out of all recognition since 2013 when EOW stopped - NPD BM no longer has any say in our lives, and DH tends to take the SDs out to coffee or lunch rather than them coming here. The days of them making my life hell are over. They came here for a meal at Xmas, that was the first time I'd seen them both for months. I even played Monopoly with them - what is the world coming to, lol Wink

bearcub25's picture

I have 11 months for the POS SS and 27 months until SD is graduated. SD is with us full time. She is a good kid but goes between being BFFs with BM and not speaking to her.

Once SS ages out, I will be 'over the sickness' and can't wait until I can say.....he is an adult and he doesn't need to spend nites with his Dadddddyyyyy anymore.

11 months tomorrow, or he will be in juvie for the next 11 months. Depends on his probation officer and his joy ride involving 2 wrecks and leaving the scene of both.