Hello from the other side!
I haven't posted in ages, since my last step child left the house in June 2015. But I do check in from time to time and see how people are doing here, and we still do have moments tainted by the glorious skids LOL
Quick background: SD 20 left our house at age 16 and SS soon to be 18 left at the same age. DS 17 is still happily living with us. BM is an undiagnosed BPD with a little Munchhausen by proxy thrown in, and she is typical of pretty much every BM we read about on the site. She orchestrated the return of the skids to her craziness, behind our backs naturally, and her motivation was money. Which she never received, but that's another story. Probably in one of my old blogs but who really cares now!
My husband, finally, about the end of last summer, began to behave more normally where my son was involved. It took well over a year for him to stop sabotaging our family time together because his kids had left. Vacations, dinners out, just general family time that we were sharing was frequently wrecked by his inability to deal with his kids "abandoning" him. He would take out his frustration on my son, just with nasty little comments every once in a while, meant to hurt as he was hurting. (don't worry, I called him on it!) He still sees both of them about once a week for a few minutes, and occasionally he will have a meal with them as well. Very occasionally.
For him, it has been a really difficult transition. As much as he loves them, he doesn't like either of them very much. He is disappointed frequently by them, and the holidays were no exception. And when I say disappointed, I don't mean he's disappointed in them for not living up to his standards, I mean disappointed in that they make plans and they don't show up, or they plan to exchange Christmas gifts and one doesn't bother to give him a gift… it's all the little hurtful things that they continue to do.
But as the stepmom? Well life is pretty damn great, let me tell you. Some of you, I know, will never get to escape step hell because you are stuck with the skids, or madly in love with your partners and the skids aren't going anywhere so you accept that they will be there. I will always feel for you and your situations. In fact, I never dreamed mine would turn out the way it has. But for those of you who might see a light at the end of the tunnel, with skids leaving your life, or possibly even contemplating moving on from your current partner and their children - being without skids is like recovering from a disease. You didn't quite realize just how sick you were, until you're healthy again! That's not to say there wasn't some recovery time for me as well. After having loved these children for quite a long time, it was rather difficult to come to terms with the rejection and loss of the relationships, and then overcoming the loss of trust from all the lies that they told. Never mind the horror of extended family and all of their opinions… but I am me again. Whole and happy. So healed, that actually this past Christmas I didn't even make plans for us to go away because I didn't care if we saw them or didn't see them at a family function. And to those of you who feel sick or cold to your core or shaky at the very thought of having to spend any time with skids/anything tainted by BM, I'm sure you understand how liberating that would be to suddenly not care one damn iota if they were anywhere near you.
So for those of you still stuck in skid hell, I send you hugs and strength and love! I hope this new year will be filled with peace of mind and strength. Because I know that you of all people on this planet, need it, LOL!