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BM's expectations of DH while she is on a cruise

Daisymazy2's picture

BM went on her yearly cruise.  She didn't have anyone available locally to watch SD, age 15, while she was gone due to SD's bad behavior.  I work from home and she wasn't staying here with me and DH has to work.

She calls DH about 3 days prior to her going on the cruise and asked DH to take SD  to her nieces house about 4 hours away.  I was sitting next to DH when he received the call and he told her that he didn't know if he could do it but he would let her know.   He knew the neice was a distance away but wasn't sure how much of a distance.  BM calls him back and leaves him a voicemail.  She tells dh that she can have her older BS take SD but DH would need to pick her up.  Keep in mind there has NEVER been a time where dh agreed to any of this.  BM calls dh just before she boards the ship and tells him to call her within an hour.  DH couldn't contact her because he was at a drs appointment.  He didn't get the message until after her deadline to call him back.He assumed she got on the ship and couldn't accept calls so he didn't call her back.  Now, BM is sending DH an email informing him to call her neice and schedule a pick up time for SD.  

BM had time to arrange for someone to take SD to her neices house but didn't have time to arrange for someone else to pick her up.

BM automatically assumes that if she tells dh to do something that he will do it.  I have told DH numerous times that he needs to stop.  I told him to send an email back to her and informing her that he never agreed to pick up SD and that he isn't going to do it.  I told him to explain that she needs to stop assuming that he will do something.  BM will find someone to pick her up.  BM can actually pick her up when she gets back.  

I have also been so frustrated with this woman.  She demands DH do things.  She has set up dr appointments and sent dh an email informing him to take SD to the dr appointment.  She never really ask and she never accepts no for an answer.  Then she gets angry if DH can't do it due to work or other obiligations.

Edited to add...I am not sure if DH is going to pick SD up or not.  We do have a snow storm that will be coming through around the time  he would need to pick up SD. I am not sure how bad the storm will be yet.


DaizyDuke's picture

So annoying.  BM is playing games, purposely informing DH of his "responsibilties" at the last minute so he has no choice but to do it, or look like the bad daddy for saying no.  She's also doing this, because obvisouly it has worked in the past. 

DH and I almost broke up before we were married for this crap.  One time DH asked me to take a 1/2 day so we could go play golf together.. SURE done deal!  So right before I am getting ready to leave work he calls me to tell me that he's going to have to cancel because BM2 called and her car is broke down about 1.5 hours of of town and her and her boyfriend and his 2 kids and SS need DH to come and get them.  I said really??  She and/or her BF don't have an Aunt, Uncle, mother, father, cousin, friend ANYONE they can call besides YOU???  Supposedly no.  DH had already called a police friend of his that lived near break down town and he was able to get a tow truck to pick them up and take them back to shop, so it wasn't like they were stranded on the side of the road.  And why the fuck does DH need to do all this for her??? 

I told him that was fine, go get her, but I realized where I stand and I refuse to play second fiddle to an ex GF... kid involved or not. About 1/2 hour later he called to tell me that he started to go get them, but then she called and they got in a huge fight and he told her he wasn't coming and turned around and came back home and did I still want to go play golf?  and guess what????????  BM2 was able to find someone ELSE to come get her skankish ass and her brood of unrelated to DH people that she had with her. Imagine that??? 

Simpleton21's picture

"So annoying.  BM is playing games, purposely informing DH of his "responsibilties" at the last minute so he has no choice but to do it, or look like the bad daddy for saying no.  She's also doing this, because obvisouly it has worked in the past."

DaizyDuke nailed it with this sentence.  That is what BM does with SO all the time also.  Oh and you know she loves any chance she can use something like this against him to prove what a bad daddy he is!  

I hope that your DH does not go get her from the niece's house!  Let BM figure it out!  

Daisymazy2's picture

There is a CO.  He doesn't have any set times that he visits SD unless BM agrees to it.  The languages actually says both parties must agree to visitation.  We all know that means that if BM says NO, it isn't happening.  The CO favors BM. He gave her sole custody of SD.  Long story short, DH screwed himself.  BM had her lawyer draw up the CO and DH never really looked at it.  He assumed she wouldn't screw him over and she did.  DH has never had the money to go back to court to fight BM.  

BM has also screwed herself on the CO.  If she had agreed to every other weekend,  Holidays, Summer Vacation, Spring break (she planned her cruise on spring break) DH would have had to make arrangements for SD because he would have her.  


Basically, DH is always told by BM when he can see SD.

Simpleton21's picture

Oh crap, I thought my SO screwed himself with the CO, this sounds even worse, makes it even easier for BM to PAS child out!

Daisymazy2's picture

exactly.  It did backfire on her. It did take a few years for that to happen.  SD has a lot of behavorial issues now.  She isn't to happy spending all that additional time with SD.

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I do love to see little small doses of karma like that!  I think my SD's BM is now regretting some of her CO shennanigans as well.  BM used to be super overprotective of SD and basically only BM's parents were good enough to babysit SD.  Recently she has let SD go on a trip with a friend from school for a week and on her upcoming vacation she is leaving SD with one of her out of town relatives for a week of the 2 weeks they will be gone.  I feel like she is trying to find people to pawn her off on now that she is realizing how annoying and attention seeking her little monster is!

WalkOnBy's picture

Looks like SD is gonna be at her cousin's house til BM gets back from that cruise.

Not your husband's job to make HER daycare/transportation plans, nor to execute them.

jct918's picture

My SO's ex used to pull this crap all the time.  He was always getting the texts "you need to pick up your daughter" and "when are you dropping SD off?"  She NEVER did pick up or drof off (and please don't ask about a CO - it is very open and not at all detailed).   They divorced when she was 8 and she's now 14. Once she even texted "so this is what's going to happen...hubby is going to drop off SD at your house and you will have her all weekend."  With a little help from me, his response was "I'm going out of town this weekend (which was true), so if you want to drop her off and leave her at my house with no way to get in or anyone there,I guess that's your decision."  She hasn't pulled it again.

momjeans's picture

We have the same BM.

When we lived in the same city, she would dictate to DH, daily, how the day was going to go. It was generally something like this from her: “I’m just letting you know that I’m picking up skid from school today. I’m going to take her shopping for an hour, then I’ll drop her off. You can do homework with her, then I’m taking her to PF Chang’s for dinner. I’ll then take her home and bathe her, then drop her off at your house for bedtime.” 

DH and I could hardly ever have a normal day because of this BS. 

Once DH put his foot down, BM began her PAS. It was crazy times.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Not the same but I get asked all the time why SO moved away from the kids in the first place since we're trying to get back. This right here is why. Only when BM didn't get her way she would just show up on his door and leave the kids. Didn't matter that he had work to be at work in a hour. Then she'd just show up sometime around midnight banging on his door demanding he give the kids back to her.

I got him to stop 'agreeing' to help which of course led to her bad mouthing him, spreading lies, and refusing to let him see the children but yeah she figured out just leave them on his door step.

momjeans's picture

Oh, hell no.

I’m going to assume BM had plenty of time to make arrangements for SD when she booked and paid for the cruise. What a disillusioned jerkface.

notsobad's picture

BM here was very much the same. “DH jump! I said Jump godamit!” 

When I came along I put a stop to it. I basically told DH that I couldn’t be with a man who was still so controlled by his ex. That he had to decide if he wanted to listen to her or be with me. 

He picked me. It was hard for him at first but as soon as he got over his innate fear of her, he was fine. She’d rant and rave but in the end that’s all she could do.  The only control she really had over him was what he gave her. 

That loss of control is why she Hates me. She thinks he’d still be listening to her if not for me in his life.

As for the skids, luckily they were old enough to not be PASed. It might be because she was the Only one who had anything bad to say about DH, everyone who knows him sings his praises. Plus, it was all one sided, DH never said anything bad about BM.

WalkOnBy's picture

DH never jumped through Medusa's hoops, but it wasn't until I came along that he learned that he didn't have to be held hostage to her ridiculous financial demands and that he did have some relief in the court system.

That cause her to lose control, and like your BM, that's when the crazy really started and she started her campaign against me - lol!


Simpleton21's picture

I think this is why a lot of us our here.  These crazy exes become unhinged once their exes find a real woman and make them stand up to their madness.  I'm sure that is why BM is always blaming me for everything.