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The Entitlement....I just can't....Update

paul_in_utah's picture

Good day, fellow S'Talkers.  For those who have who have not read of my tragi-comic adventures in Step-World,  here is the cast of dysfunctional characters:

SO - Significant Other

SOD - Significant Other - Daughter

SOS - Significant Other - Son

POS - ex-husband of SO, and the sperm donor of SOD and SOS.  This is the "man" who happily unloads responsibility for his children on me (mostly financial in nature, but also all of the labor of helping them learn to be adults). 

SOD - GD - Significant Other - GrandDaughter

TPP - The Trailer Park Prince, babby daddy of SOD-GD


So an update from my recent post about SOD's not inconsiderable entitlement.  After the Eyebrow Incident, SOD hit SO with another crazy request (really a demand, but presented as a "request that couldn't possibly be refused") - she wanted SO to call in so that she (SOD) could get her hair done.  SMH.

As a bit of explanation, SO has a part-time job where she occasionally picks ups shifts to help earn money to pay SOD's bills.  These are half-days, and SO still ends up watching the baby 4 or 5 hours.  SO had already agreed to a shift last week when SOD called, wanting SO to baby-sit several extra hours one day so she could make a hair appointment.  SO explained that she was already scheduled to work, so SOD hit SO with "It seems like you are getting the baby less lately.  Just because I'm a single mom doesn't mean I shouldn't have a life."  Well, the guilt-trip worked.  SO called in from her second job that day and got the baby 4 hours earlier.

It is just mind-boggling how SOD thinks.  I know it is entitlement, but I honestly think she is totally ignorant to how the world works.  When you decide to have a kid, that kid becomes your new top priority.  You shouldn't dump the kid off 3 days a week because your baby daddy TPP doesn't want to work with you on his schedule (which means he never has the baby alone for any length of time).  You don't dump your kid off at your mom's hours early, because you don't want to be saddled with dragging a toddler around to your appointment.  You either take the kid with you, or you don't do the appointment.  It's not rocket science!

SO was pissed about all of this, but of course didn't say anyting to SOD.  She did, however, try to bait me into an argument.  She made numerous comments about how SOD isn't fair to her, because she has placed 50% of the child-raising on her (note that I didn't say child-care, I said actual child-raising because the baby is with us so much).  SO has basically given up her life for SOD, and it isn't fair.  I just grunted and made the "Hmmm-huhh" sound.  No way was I going to let her drag me into an argument so she could take her frustrations out on me.

Later in the day, I did a little test, and made a very tame comment about being concerned that SOD thinks SO has been taking the baby less.  As I expected, SO used this as an opening to launch into full "Mama Bear" mode, defending her daughter.  She stated that she understands where SOD is coming from, and that having a baby shouldn't mean SOD doesn't get to live her life.  I beat a hasty retreat and said nothing elese, and with no oxygen left in the room, SO was not able to keep up her tirade.

Over the next couple of days, SO repeatedly complained about SOD, because she was hell-bent on getting me to criticize SOD, so that would give her an excuse to lay into me.  Which, of course, would allow her to transfer her frustration onto a human punching bag that knows better than to say anything back.  This time I made a point of changing the subject whenever SO was complaning about SOD, and I could tell this really irriated SO.

As a capper on all of this, SOD got a complaint from her landlord because she lets her gigantic dog shit everywhere outside, and never cleans it up.  Of course SOD thinks this is unfair because "everyone is doing it, no one else got notices."  No idea if she was the only one that got noticed, but it doesn't matter.  She knows that she should clean up her dog's shit, especially since it is a huge dog that drops gigantic turds.  Of course, SO agreed with her, and started bad-mouthing the staff at the apartment.

I did have a bit of a revelation after all of this.  I had always thought that SOD's sole reason for getting pregnant was to baby-trap TPP, but now I think it was a little more calculated than that.  I think she knew having a baby would expand and extend leverage over her mother for years to come, because now she had an "innocent grandchild" who needed care, and SOD could continue to claim that she needed help.  In reality, SOD is just lazy and entitled, and she saw having a kid as way to keep her mom's gravy train running.  This is probably secondary to baby-trapping the TPP, but I think it is still a major part of her "thought" process to maintain her lifestyle.

Sorry if this is a little rambling, it's been a tough week.  Just needed to vent.


CLove's picture

Just wow.

Looks like you are getting yourself into the modality as we all reccomended - disengagement. Yes, secondary entrapment that we usually call "innocent hostages" or something like that. weaponizing the sweet innocent grands as a tool against the parents, or whomever.

I think I would have been too tempted to say something snarky like "ok, while SOD is living her best life, what are YOU doing?" or "looks like you need a 3rd job..."

JRI's picture

Youre not only disengaging, you are understanding all the dynamics going on.  I dont know a lot about this theory, but your SO is trying to make you the "attacker" so she can play "victim".

When you talk about SGD's "whys", I'm reminded of my SGD who had 2 kids by her bf.  His man had numerous other kids by 2 women, had been jailed for non-payment of CS and worked minimal jobs.  Imo, SGD wanted to get out of SD's house (can't blame her) and saw some bffs living off welfare.   The baby daddy paid attention to her, perhaps they were really in love, I dont know.  But here, 8 years later, she has 2 sons, baby daddy is gone and she, lives in a Section 8 apartment and alternately guilts and ghosts SD61 depending on whether she needs help or is sick of SD.  Its sad.  When anybody talks to her about working, she is terrified of losing benefits.  Her dad and SD both help (enable) "for the sake of the kids" but neither are strong enough to give her tough love.  So, she doesnt work, doesnt meet other people, like men, just exists.  I could say I dont get it but I guess I do.

Rags's picture

Time to smack single breeder SD with "Control yourself and you would not be a single mom. When you gave birth, you gave up your life since your sperm donor does not participate in the care of your child.  Your mothrer is not your beck and call girl baby sitter.  Grow TF up, figure it out, and pull your head out of your ass. If you wanted a life, you should have not started breeding."

Your SD has some of the traits of my DW's sister. My SIL is an etitled devoid of character POS who whines and cries about how all of her shit choices are someone else's fault.

I would start the full court press to purge that POS from my marriage if I was  you.



I have been married to a single teen mom for nearly 29 years.  I have zero sympathy for your POS SOD.  My brilliant bride is completely convinced that if she did it, anyone can. Sadly, that isn't the case even with many of those who make it through their teens without breeding.

DW had SS-30 when she was 16.  She figured out within a relatively short time that the Spermidiot was a POS so she booted him before SS turned 1yo.  The school district tried to get DW to quit HS and go to the pregnant girl GED program. DW refused and graduated on time, with honors, with her class with SS on her hip when he was 9mos old. DW was 17.  

I have met her boss at that time. That family owned the DQ in their small town. DW worked their before she became pregant with SS.  Her boss said that he knew something had changed over night when she went from being a 16yo teen girl, flighty, etc... to his best employee nearly instantly. 

DW is the eldest of 4 for my ILs. They have always been low income but they did what they could to help DW through her teen mom/HS phase.  They bought an old travle trailer and put it beside their home on their small farm.  That is where DW and SS live (also briefly where the Spermidiot lived) while she went to HS, worked, and cared for her son.  They did not baby sit SS. DW was not allowed to ask her three younger sibs to watch SS. Her choices were not tolerated to impact the childhoods of her younger brothers and her younger sister.

Her BFF's parents  were foster parents and offerred to watch SS while DW was at school and work. That was a God send for them.

A few months after she booted the Spermidiot she moved out of state with SS to start a rapid degree completion university program.

She never looked back.  She graduated with a dual major with honors, an MBA with honors, and has a successful career as a CPA.

To minimize the influence of the SpermClan and of her small rural high poverty agricultural home town, she has never lived nearer than 1200 miles to SpermLand since she left for university. 

Her entire focus was to make a good life for herself and SS. 

The story is not over yet. But is is looking good so far.

Rags's picture

The facts will take care of that.

Paul to SO: "She is not fair to you because you continually serve yourself up as a martyr on the alter to her stupid choices. STOP THAT!!!"

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

People like your SO have always been baffling to me. My parents modeled being partners in life, in raising their sons, and in advancing through their future together.  One thing they for damned sure did was make it crystal clear to their sons that each other and the marriage trumped us.  Period. Dot. They also made it clear that through they wanted the best for us and would within reason facilitate our preparation to have successful futures, we had to earn those futures.

Do not let your SO put her failures as a mother, women, and adult on you and do not let your SO drag the stench of her idiot dauther's crap into your life.


It would be all I could do to not laugh in SO's face every time she starts whining about the idiot SOD and tries to bait you into the fight. After I guffawed vigorously, I would launch into the above voluntary martyr to idiot SOD message.

Over, and over, and over again.

With a capper of, I am really getting tired of hearing you whine and cry about the same shit over and over again and not actually doing anything about it. I can end this now if you like. We will move and SOD will have to learn to actually adult without her mommy wiping her ass for her constantly.

I have had it easy as the DH of a single teen mom and SF.   My DW is brilliant and rarely if ever deviated from holding herself responsible for her own life and choices. 

So, I have never been put in the position you are in.


Take care of yourself Paul.

JRI's picture

When I left my ex at 25, I had 2 little kids and a job but not much more.  After a month of his stalking, hijacking my car and becoming increasingly more dangerous, I realized I had to move back with my parents 

My poor mom, here comes JRI and 2 small kids to her established household where she still had 3 of her own kids at home.  I dont remember what I thought it would be like but I was soon being roused at 7 am each Saturday to house clean, was soon bathing not only my own but my little brother each night, was paying rent and listening to a lot of difficult truths from her.  She soon found me a daycare and very seldom babysat in the evening; instead she gave me the phone number of a teenage babysitter down the street. (This was tough as I tried to date.  Lol.)  I had to stick it out til my DS finished the school year and she'd already helped me find a rental for that June.

They call it tough love.