You are here

SO has been doing a lot better, but MAN!!!! She is unhappy with her kids

paul_in_utah's picture

G'day fellow S'Talkers, it's been a minute.

For those who may not have followed my tragicomic attempt at a relationship and Steplife in general, here is my cast of characters:

SO - Signficant Other, who lives with me.

SOS - Significant Other Son, who is sometimes still staying with me and SO

SOD - Significant Other Daughter, who lives with

TPP - the Trailer Park Prince, aka SOD's Sperm Donor. 

SO-GD - Signficant Other - Granddaughter, the child of SOD and the TPP.

So I have struggled with getting attention from SO over the last 8 months or so, but she has really stepped up lately.  I travel for work, and she is making a real effort to spend time together when I get to come home.  She has even taken time off of work to spend extra time together, and gets genuinely upset if I talk about doing anything apart from her.  SO has finally agreed to come see me on my work assignment, so that I won't go so long between get-together's.  We have generaly been getting along, she is being nicer overall, and has mostly rolled back the sex diet she put me on last year.  Long story short, she is trying harder now.

HOWEVER....SO is getting really fed up with SOD, TPP, and SOS.  TPP, in a classic display of white trash hubris, stormed off his job last week because he was being "disrespected" by his boss.  So now he's not working at all.  Not that he was helping with bills, since SO pays their rent, and almost everything else.  He does nothing but sleep and play video games, and does virtually nothing to help with SOD-GK.

SOD has gotten more and more comfortable dumping SOD-GK off with SO, so that she has more free time, and so she can "work" (supposedly she works a couple of nights a week, but I'm not sure if she is actually working).  Of course SOD has undiagnosed mental issues (probably of the Cluster B variety) and is also paranoid, and has alienated almost the entire family.  For example, she had a hissy-fit at an event at her father's house recently, when a relative challenged her on some of her parenting deicsions.  These people were immediately banished, and SOD posted on social media that she will withhold SOD-GK from anyone who questions her parenting.  So, the only person she trusts to babysit is SO. 

SOD and the TPP have somehow gotten it in their heads that they are "entitled" to free, unlimited babysitting, in addtion to having all their bills paid.  SO works a demanding schedule and is exhausted all the time, but this doesn't stop SOD from dumping the baby whenever she feels like it.  She gives no consideration to SO's work, and SO is getting more and more tired and resentful.  Whenever SOD and the TPP do have any money they blow it on weed, hair coloring, manicures, trips, etc., so there is never anything left to pay bills.  Apparently TPP has even said that, if SO runs out of money, "Paul can pay for it, he has the money."  I just had to LOL at that.

On top of all of this, SOS has been acting out lately, because SOD and SOD-GK have been getting all of SO's attention, love, and money for years.  He is a pathalogical liar, barely graduated high school, refuses to look for a job, and has developed quite the weed habit.  All he does is play video games, hang out with his girlfiend (who he has discussed starting a family with, even though they are both unemployed and she is still in high school), and get high with SOD and TPP.  I wish he would just move in with SOD and the TPP, but they won't let him.  So he goes over there, gets blazed out of his gourd, and them comes home acting like a stoned dumbass.  Of course he refuses to do any chores around the house.

All of these problems are really SO's fault, for being an indulgent Disney Mom who never had any standards, expectations, rules, or consequences for her children.  She elevated her kids to adult-level at early age, and they have been calling the shots for years.  Neither one has the life skills needed to really launch.  I'm glad SO has been nicer and more attentive lately, but I have not idea how we will ever get things square with her kids.  The one saving grace is that SOD **really** doesn't want to live with us, and I have the excuse of having a smaller house to prevent them from moving in with us.  I just worry that excuse won't work forever.


JRI's picture

I'm sure your SO is disgusted with her kids.  It's a bummer when you work a demanding job then have babysitting thrust on you.  I'll admit I was guilty of this with my former MIL.  I was a thoughtless young mother.  If she had only said no once in awhile and explained "I'm exhausted after work and need x to recover", I would have got the picture and adjusted my requests.  As it was, her daughter and I competed for much of her free time.  Poor thing, I'm sorry, Evelyn.


Survivingstephell's picture

Sounds like SOD might be Boarderline , what with that black and white thinking, exclusionary actions.  Not much help for her.  What's your next move?  Making SO unavailable for babysitting?  Burning the candles at both ends is going to wear her out, is she healthy?  Is weed legal in your state?  

paul_in_utah's picture

Oh yes, I think that SOD would likely be diagnosed with all of the Cluster B disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcisissitic Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder), if she ever went to a real therapist.  I'm not a psychiatrist, but I can read the DSM-IV, and she checks virtually every box.  SOD has been to a therapist, but all they did was write a letter saying should should qualify for an emotional support animal.  So just a touchy-feely "therapist" who validated all of SOD's BS, and did not hold her accountable for any of her own mistakes/actions.

SOS has also seen a therapist, and he was a completely joke.  He actually supported SOS spending the night with his girlfriend.  While they were both still in high school.  SMH.  

I have to be careful about recommeding SO cut back on helping, because she would view that as criticising her children.  Since SO is a covert narcissist, she sees SOD as a mere extension of her own ego, not an acutal person.  So it would also be taken as being critical of her.  And then there is the whole supply issue.  If she sees the baby less, she can't get supply from the baby, or the drama that gets strirred up around the baby.

SO has some medical conditions that can be made worse by stress (mainly migraines, but she was diagnosed with depression before I met her).  I worry that she will eventualy collapse, or have a full-on nervous breakdown from doing too much.

Recreational weed is illegal, but medicinal is not.  From my understanding, weed is not a law-enforcement priority, unless maybe they were dealing large amounts.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

This is pretty wild @paul_in_utah...I am trying to see the silver lining in this for you. I understand you care for SO however seems like everyone is extremely self-serving and they are all banking on you literally and figuratively to help them out. What do you see in SO that is worth staying? 

Rags's picture

The outlook for GSkid is far from sunny.

GSkid is cursed with a terribly shallow and polluted gene pool at  both ends considering that SOD is the mother and TPP is the father.  When the person who raised SOD is the only approved care giver this kid is F-d.

CLove's picture

This is definitely not a sustainable situation, but glad that things have improved for you. All you can really do is ..."oh, um,uhuh, oh thats too bad..."