DH getting on my nerves
DH couldn't talk to me while we were home alone or in the car. He caught me off guard at a restaurant last week and really pi55ed me off. He started complaining that I do too much for BS and that he needs to move out. He started talking about SD, age 18, informing him that BM will be kicking her out of her house in May.
DH is trying to convince me that my BS is able to move out on his own. My BS, age 22, has high functioning autism and doesn't make much above minimum wage. Even if he was able to get a roommate, there is no way he could afford to live on his own, right now. We do have a plan in place so that BS will eventually launch and move out on his own, just not right now. DS has been in counseling and we are all working together to help him. There is a plan in place and dh knows it. DS also works over 40 hours each week.
Due to SD's behavior (which may or may not be because of mental issues), she can't live here. DH is assuming that if DS wasn't here, SD could live with us. H3LL NO, SHE ISN'T. I believe that SD will lie and say that DS raped her (read previous posts. SD says she has been raped 3 times in a little over a year). Even if BS wasn't here, she isn't living here. I work from home and she would do everything she could to sabatoge it. Right now, she has a restraining order against her. She said she didn't do ANYTHING. She has been kicked out of college and she can't go back because the situation happened on campus. Each time she gets in trouble Daddy Dearest and Mommy Dearest come to her rescue and bail her out. It is ALWAYS the other person's fault.
Dh even mentioned to me that ALL KIDS get into trouble and they are not perfect. Yeah, that is true BUT most kids aren't kicked out of school at least once each semester for fighting and/or swearing at their teachers. They aren't using drugs and alcohol. They haven't been in 3 group homes. They do not threatened to kill themselves or others more times than I change my socks. They haven't been under suicide watch in the hospital multiple times. They haven't been under house arrest for threatening someone over the internet. I could go ON and ON.
I was really pi55ed while I was in the restaurant. I just looked at DH like he had 3 or 4 heads and I am sure my own head was spinning around like the exorcist. I was going to lay into him when we were in the car and I decided he really wasn't worth my time.
I am really getting sick and tired of this old song and dance routine. I pay majority of the bills here. DS contributes to the bills. Dh will give a little bit of money here and there but never on a continuous basis. DH and I have separate checking accounts. DH is laid off work more than has worked during the time we have been married. BM has had DH in court since the day she found out we were married for one thing or another. Each time he goes, it cost him more money. SD's has always had a behavior issues. I often feel like I was blindsided and I didn't sign up for this crap.
I have been paying majority of the bills for years. Dh pays his car payment ( I refuse to co-sign loans) and his phone bill.
I have not been in the best place since DH's little ambush at the restaurant. I have been trying to calm down so I can talk to him about it but all I see is RED. I am so ready to tell him that he really needs to MOVE OUT and MOVE IN with SD. PROBLEM SOLVED.
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Dh will give a little bit of
Dh will give a little bit of money here and there but never on a continuous basis. DH is laid off work more than has worked during the time we have been married. I have been paying majority of the bills for years.
^^^^ Then, he really doesn't have much say, does he?
Besides, your son's situation is much different than his daughter's situation.
He started complaining that I do too much for BS and that he needs to move out.
Haha! By paying a majority of the bills, perhaps you do too much for your husband and HE needs to move out. Does he not realize how stupid he sounds? He doesn't contribute any more than your DS does (by the sound of it).
Sounds like you and your DS might just do better on your own.
The restaurant was on purpose
So you'd be forced to remain calm and not rip him a new one. I say make another dinner date, find an excuse to drive in separate cars and meet up there, and announce to him that he's moving out. And then walk away, leaving him to pay the bill. It would be extra cool if the process server showed up at the table with the divorce papers immediately after you leave. Maybe you could arrange for them to be sitting at the next table. Oh, and the locks at home are changed and his stuff is packed and in one of those driveway bins.
That is a no in my book. SO
That is a no in my book. SO and I have already had this talk with his kiddo's. At only 8 and 11 we're already seeing the future and we AGREED that there is not failure to launch in our house. They can stay as long as they are working towards indepance as young adults should the issue is BM is failing as a parent and we worry the youngest will fall into her trap if we can't get him away soon and when that times come it will be her house he lives in not ours.
A grown child who's trying as your son seems to be deserves the support. A grown child acting like a child doesn't.
It sounds like dad is aware of what he's allowed to happen and is bitter. Easier to blame your child then accept the reality about his. Honestly if I were in you're spot he'd be gone. I could imagine someone being hateful towards my child when as you stated there are plans in place and professionals involved in some way.
WTH. Is he trying to assert
WTH. Is he trying to assert his manhood because he's feeling inadequate and incompetent? As he should because his head is lodged so far up his backside that he's eyeballing his epiglottis? He bloody well should since he cannot pull his own weight. Farking icehole.
He and SD can bach it.
Wow if I had all the power
Wow if I had all the power like you do ( paying the majority of the bills) and had a SD like that I would kick DH out ASAP!
He would be out the door. It
He would be out the door. It is almost unbelievable. He wants your autistic son to move out because he wants to move in his train wreck of a daughter. He does very little to contribute, if anything, to the household. smdh. When your autistic child is contributing money to the household, but your spouse isn't... it is time to go. Paying his own car payment and cell phone is not contributing to the household. Plus, there is nothing but dead weight and drama dragging with him. Hell no!
It sounds like your DH is the
It sounds like your DH is the "teenager" in the house. He pays teenage bills!
Keep your DS and lose husband
Keep your DS and lose husband.
You don't need to unload onto your husband, but be prepared when, not if he brings this up again. Point out exactly what he contributes to the household and what you and DS do. Be very clear that SD will never ever live in your house due to HER behaviour and his LACK of parenting.
Although I don't understand why you feel like you have to stay in this situation, he doesn't seem to bring anything to this relationship other then stress.
You have every right to be
You have every right to be livid since you sound like the only adult in the home. If DH wants to be able to make decisions then maybe he should grow up and become independent and be able to support himself and pay his bills.
It's sounds like your DS has it more together than your DH.
I guess I just have bad
I guess I just have bad manners because taking me to a public place would not have stopped me from causing a scene. Maybe that's the issue, you need to get really down and dirty with your DH...oh so you want your trilobite of a daughter to move back in...well you think that b@tch is crazy, just wait until you see the hell I am going to unleash on you if she darkens that doorway. I don't know maybe crazy is the only level he understands.
Also since he seems to be incapable of earning big boy pay I would put him on notice that here are your bills, if you can't pay then you get evicted.
Hopefully this was the check
Hopefully this was the check in you needed to explain to your H how wrong he is. He is WAAYYY off base.
I would also do as Advice.Only stated and hand him a bill for his portion and tell him that if he can't start contributing to the houshold you will evict his a$$. You are sick of being the only one supporting the household because he can't hold down a job.
"DH, hell no, STD Suzy isn't
"DH, hell no, STD Suzy isn't moving in! YOU, however, are moving out. Good luck."
Your DH is "failure to launch
Your DH is "failure to launch", not your son