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Kids in college now

Daisymazy2's picture

Whatever happened to enjoying your freedom and spending as much time away from mom and dad as possible???  Hanging out with friends on the weekends?

SD, age 18,  she is in college literally 10 miles from my house. She doesn't have a driver's license so she doesn't have a car.  She never cared to get her driver's license.  The college is out of the middle of nowhere close to a VERY small town so there isn't any public transporation.  Walking the 3 or 4 miles into town just wouldn't do for SD.  She has to call DAAAADDDDYYY almost every weekend to take her out so she isn't bored.  

Friend of mine lives out West.  His BS, age, 19,  goes to college about 2 to 3 hours away from home.  BS comes home at least twice a month for the weekends.  Friend was thinking about moving to another state about 12 hours away.  Friend says that once BS finishes the semester he will transfer to a local college in the new state.  WHY????  Friend feels that BS is too young to leave behind.  BS  says he is going to med school soon in a little over 2 years. The talk that I am hearing now is that BS MAY not be going to med school unless he gets accepted to one closer to home (wherever that may be).

When my BS was 19, he joined the Air Force and was stationed over 1200 miles away from home.  He has been stationed in over 4 different states and also was station in S Korea for a year all before his 24th birthday.  He TRIES to come home once a year at Christmas.  He is enrolled in college and will finished his degree in another 2 years.  

Comments

Gimlet's picture

My DD went to college 1.5 hours away and she very rarely came home on the weekends.  She came home to live after her freshman year, but after that she found a summer sublet and stayed at our home very rarely.   She didn't have any interest in living at home again after getting a taste of freedom and moved right into an apartment after graduation.

YSS, on the other hand, would love nothing more than to never have to move out.  It's bizarre.

Evil3's picture

My DD20 moved to another province for uni when she was 18. She could fly home only during Christmas and Summer breaks. DD loves her new city and misses it. She's home now because classes are through zoom this year. DD hates having to live back at home after she's already had two years of fending for herself. She has told me many times that it's not DH or I, but it's that she wants to be back on her own and she cannot wait until she can move back to her chosen province. My SD was always the complete opposite. She took five years to get the degree she wanted instead of four years because she couldn't stand the thought of being away from Dadddeeeee. SD took her degree in a round about way rather than go to another uni. She could have easily stll come home on weekends, but nooooooooooo. She had to be rammed up her parents' asses. She also never launched until she was 25. In my day, an adult still living with their parents at 25 would have been humiliated.

advice.only2's picture

I don't understand why kids don't want to get their licenses now a days. I couldn't wait to get mine, it meant freedom! BS got his at 16 and BD14 is chomping at the bit to go driving. Maybe for your SD it's a way of keeping DH focused on her this way he has to keep being involved in her drama.

Daisymazy2's picture

My boys with the exception of my youngest did get their license when they were 16.  My youngest has high functioning autism and my XH and I thought it would be best for him to wait a couple of years to get his.  He has his now. 

I never understood why SD doesn't want to get her license.  I don't understand why she didn't go to the college in town that has access to public transportation.  DH does have to drop "EVERYTHING" whenever she calls.  

advice.only2's picture

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missginger's picture

Well thank God SD16 just got a car but I know she will go to the local CommunityCollege to be as close to mommy and daddy as she can be. She will have no friends becuase the few she does have now all have plans to go away for college so I can see it now - having to see her every other weekend just like now becuase she has nothing else to do1

 

Daisymazy2's picture

She doesn't have any friends in college.  She stated that no one wants to be her friend.  In my opinion, the college is a Woman's college and is how should I say catered to the wealthy.  Since she tries to be a little THUG, she really doesn't have anything in common with any of the girls there.  

I am so lucky because DH drives the 10 miles to pick her up,  20 plus miles to town, 20 plus miles back to the college and then 10 miles back home (unless they hang out in the little small town) each time he sees her.    She doesn't come here.

Iamwoman's picture

And it still hasn't occurred to her that perhaps she should try some classiness on for size and drop the "thug" routine?

I guess as long as DH is her weekend friend, she has no motivation to improve her character...

Daisymazy2's picture

drop the "thug" routine. It is always everyone's fault but hers that she doesn't have friends.

Tried out's picture

she could be living with her father while going to college.

Daisymazy2's picture

DH could move out of my house and move into an apartment with her while she goes to college.  After all, that is the ONLY way she will be living with him because she WILL NOT be living with me in MY house.*biggrin*

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

If DH stops dropping everything to be her taxi, she will either be forced to drive or entertain herself! It's like a version of why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free. 

Lndsy747's picture

I don't get the mindset either I have a long ways to go because DD is only 3 but I look forward to seeing her launch someday and succeed on her own. 

SD is 18 and doesn't have a license but always an excuse why like she's too busy (doing what?!?!) Or doesn't have the money for the test/license (like $50 total). I think I'm my case BM likes to keep her dependant on her and has completely hobbled her.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It comes down to the parenting, doesn't it? Weak/helicopter parents don't produce kids that are self reliant or confident.

We see A LOT of stunted kids on this site, and while divorce can be a component, the substandard parenting usually goes way back before that.

1dad4kids's picture

There's no way I wouldn't be telling that child to get a license. I might buy them a cheap beater car and say "now you can go wherever you want" and just wait for them to pull the trigger on a license. 

She must not have any friends yet.