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BM and Dr appointments.... again

iamlosingit's picture

BM called us on Wed at 9:30 p.m.

DH has his usual visitation that her calling at 9:30 rather then waiting for him to pick up SS is another fabulous tactic to be a PIA and interrupt us whenever possible.

She called and immediately asked if SS had told him about "the rash".  Oh we go.

SS apparently had developed a "rash" (she didn't say where) and BM was convinced beyond all reasonable doubt that it was a side-effect of the injections he received over a WEEK ago at his pre-teen appointment.  BM was calling because she wanted to bring SS in to the doctor IMMEDIATELY.

DH told her (nicely) that SS was just fine all last weekend and Monday when we had him...and that SS and BM have SUPER sensitive skin.  He said to stop panicking and get some cortisone/calamine lotion, a doctor appointment wasn't necessary, and he would talk to SS when he picks him up tomorrow.

Thursday DH calls me at 3:30 absolutely livid because he had to leave work early.  BM called DH at 3 p.m. to inform DH that she had brought  SS to the doctor (despite DH telling her NO the night before) and that DH could pick up SS prescription at the pharmacy before picking him up that day.  DH did NOT pick up the prescription, he picked up some calamine lotion and went to pick up SS.  The "rash" that BM was freaking out about? SS was still wearing the Band-Aid from the doctor appointment over a week ago...and for obvious reasons when the band-aid finally fell off the skin around it was irritated.

DH has had it.  BM will call him to inform him about SS appointments....but will not listen to DH whatsoever on weather or not SS actually needs to go in.  Even if DH says "no"...she will bring him in anyway.  She never texts about these appointments now, it's always a phone call, so if DH tries to bring her to court with these clinic bills it is just going to turn into a 'he said, she said" thing.

I told him he has to file a motion of contempt and bring the CO in and hold her responsible for all of these extra appointments.  DH is worried since the order exists but was never "finished/followed through" that it is just going to turn into a massive court battle again.

His solution?  He wants to go to the clinic, pull SS insurance cards from the system, and enroll SS in his chosen primary health care provider away from BM his mind this will force BM to be responsible for all of SS bills because they will no longer be sent to his insurance company.  And he thinks this will also force her to involve him in SS healthcare rather than just informing him, because she will no longer be able to just "Pop in" to the clinic (3 blocks away from her house) for every little bump/rash/paper-cut that SS has.

The CO states that DH has to cover SS on his health insurance and how the bills are to be split but nothing else.  I think DH will get in trouble by pulling SS from that clinic and denying BM the healthcare cards.  I have already left a few messages for family court lawyers to get more information on how to file a motion against BM but have not received any calls back.

Any suggestions on anything else DH can do other than contempt? I understand his thought process at this point as we still have thousands in unpaid bills caused by BM...but I think he is going about this "temporary solution" all wrong and it will not look good for him in court.


tog redux's picture

How much does BM have to pay for medical visits? Is she paying that? Who has medical decision making? Is it joint?

Unless you can get a statement from the doctor about BM taking the child in for frivolous reasons (unlikely), it's going to be very hard to do anything about this. If he changes SS's doctor without her agreement, SHE can hold HIM in contempt, most likely.

I don't have a good answer, but he wants to be careful not to look like he cares more about money than SS's health and BM's input.

iamlosingit's picture

they have 50/50 legal custody so BM IS supposed to call him and discuss things like this with him so they can both make a joint decision, but she will not discuss she just does what she wants.  Clinic bills are supposed to be split 50/50, I would have to find the order again to see if it specifies anything directly.  The insurance is in DH name only with SS on it I don't know how he is supposed to enforce this.  I agree with how this could make him look.  This goes back to a wart that SS had on his toe...BM brought him to the doctor and the dr said it was a wart... DH said they could get something over the counter for it to start with and bring him in after if that treatment didn't work.  He paid the first bill and told her to not bring him back yet. She ignored him and brought SS back 6-8 more times without DH knowledge to freeze it off.  DH didn't know until we started getting bills in the mail for these visits a month later (over $800)  She hasn't paid a dime on any of them.  DH has no issues with SS going to the doctor if it is needed (sore throat, fever, etc)...but she brings him in for mosquito bites or anything that she decided "needs to be looked at" (like this 'rash') so she can get a "cream" for it.  Other than a stomach ache, there hasn't been a single visit that couldn't have been remedied at home first with over-the-counter treatments.

fakemommy's picture

When DH gets these bills, he should tell the clinic that he did not sign to be responsible for them nor did he agree to the treatment. Give them BM's information to forward the bills to her.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, they won't do that.  DH is the guarantor if he has the insurance, he will have to pay for them. 


tog redux's picture

Take her back to court for payment on the medical bills. That's all he can do.  Why hasn't he done that?

iamlosingit's picture

He's never filed a motion of contempt before, he doesn't know where to start.  I'm still waiting on a call back from any of the family attorneys that I called a week ago.  We also don't have the money for another lawyer (does he need one?)

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

What does the CO state? Usually there is a clause about unreimbursed medical bills.

You will have to prove a pattern and that each visit was unnecessary. Concrete proof. And even with that it would take a lot for a judge to order BM to cover 100% of past medical bills. 

But if you can prove a pattern and history of unnecessary medical appointments your DH may be awarded 100% decision making which would mean BM would need his permission for appointments other than emergencies. But again what constitutes an emergency. This is a mucky water scenario so to speak. 


iamlosingit's picture

It just says how the bills are to be split 50/50, it doesn't specify what to do if one party refuses.

2nd wives club's picture

He's going to get no relief and put you in further debt if he pursues this through the courts. His priorities are seriously f-d up.

Thumper's picture

What in the WORLD did you come from. IF a single mom was on here asking for help because she is stuck with 800 worth of bills would you say HER priorities are mess up?


Step-girlfriend's picture

WHY hasn't your DH requested written communication only? Tell him to stop answering his phone, block her, whatever he needs to do to get the point across that she cannot just call and it all needs to be written out. I don't even know why he would want to deal with all of her nonsensical phone calls anyway.

iamlosingit's picture

Since it was 9:30 at night he thought it was an emergency with SS, he didn't know it was a "rash".  Honestly he didn't know she was going to be this bad when the CO happened, there is a lot of things I personally would have ammended if I was in his shoes. Sadly she just started acting like this when DH established his rights.  BM was on state healthcare initially, when the CO stated DH had to put SS on his health insurance.  She isn't used to paying for any medical, the state used to cover her share and now she doesn't qualify.

As far as blocking her that wouldn't work, DH and I only have cell phones not land line.  If there ever was an emergency it is the only way she can contact him.

ndc's picture

Just make sure that not one red cent of your money goes to pay those medical bills or fund H's court battles. How long until you can leave this man and put him and SS in your rear view mirror?  It seems like you're going backward financially, so why wait?

Maxwell09's picture

BM has tried to run off to the dr/dentist a couple of times because she isn’t court ordered to provide insurance or pay anything towards these visits. DH just emails her that whatever bills she wracks up (co-pays, prescriptions, etc) she will have to pay out of pocket for because he doesn’t approve of them and that goes for appointments too. He can call the dr office and tell them to remove the insurance on file or to only charge his insurance with prior approval first or they will be declined and have to eat the cost of the procedure/visit. Once BM had to cough up the money, it wasn’t so important. He will probably have to email her his new stipulation and tell he he’s removing his insurance info from SS’s files to keep these visits from continuing. She’ll argue at first but just ignore her.