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clinic not acknowledging other parent?

iamlosingit's picture

Curious about this because I didn't think this would be an issue.  SS has been going to the same clinic and dental office since he was born.  DH and BM split when SS was 3 (I think).  BM had SS enrolled on state healthcare and had little to no out of pocket expenses.  When DH got a job with benefits and took BM to court to establish his rights, the judge ordered DH to cover SS on his health insurance and set forth terms in how bills would be split, etc. 

DH got the employee+child insurance and also drove copies of SS insurance cards to the clinics, as well as giving them his contact info with requests to be included in any appointments SS has.  Receptionist said "no problem" and added his info on SS charts.

Since then (about 4 years of this) DH has received NO type of contact from the clinic whatsoever.  No emails on upcoming annuals needed, no appointment reminders, nothing.  All he gets are the bills.  He has been to this clinic and spoke to countless people in person regarding this issue over the years and although his information is in the system, they aren't sending him anything and nobody knows why.  BM is still pulling the "last minute/day of" card when it comes to SS appointments.  After the Friday "dairy queen" appointment fiasco a week ago, she called DH to let him know that SS had ANOTHER appointment scheduled, something regarding "first pre-teen physical" or something odd like that.  DH agreed to bring him since it was his visitation day anyway.  BM then told DH that he would have to pick up SS from school to go to this appointment and she would meet him at the clinic.  DH refused and said based on the time the bus comes they had plenty of time to make it, and there was no reason for BM to go because it was his visitation day anyway and also not a "emergency type" appointment.  Not sure why but his refusal enraged BM and she canceled the appointment day of.  CO stated that on his days DH has to pick up SS from the bus stop (if there's school) so I am unsure why BM threw a tantrum and canceled.  Bus stop is also behind the house on the corner so DH doesn't have to even knock on the door to get SS, he wouldn't be bothering BM at all. 

Anyway, regardless of BM being a twatopotamus, has anyone dealt with info issues with clinics when the family is "split"?  I understand that SS primary residence is with BM, but given that the insurance is under DH name alone why aren't they including him with appointment info and "reminders"?  He really doesn't want to switch clinics due to the amount of paperwork and such that is at this one.  (Not sure why, but when I suggested switching clinics that was the response I got)  I don't understand why his info is not being included.  Also years ago SS had chosen to drop BM last name and go by DH last name only at school and is obviously listed as such on the insurance cards.  Given that BM has a different last name, you think the clinic would put two-and-two together just by reading the info in the system?  Top that with DH repeatedly requesting the clinic in person to be included, I don't get why this is becoming an issue.


Siemprematahari's picture

Your H has to go there in person, speak to an office manager and ask for his name to be added in all his paperwork and that all appointments and correspondence go to him. He is the insurance holder and needs to be aware of all information that pertains to his son. Don't just call and expect it to be done, he has to go in person and make sure its completed. It appears that whatever paperwork was completed solely has BM's name and contact info and is excluding your H completely.


iamlosingit's picture

He's gone in person and talked to someone more times than I can count and no results.  Also called.  He is desperate.  They say his info is in there and they don't know why he isn't getting anything.

futurobrillante99's picture

I would encourage him to talk to the doctor's office about their interference in his parental involvement by informing BM of the appointments and changing them for her without notifying him.

I think a sternly worded letter to cease and desist might help - maybe.

SteppedOut's picture

If they have his contact information to send bills to him, they also have it for everything else! They are just choosing not to; for whatever reason. 

I guess if it was me, I would schedule an appointment with the practice manager (bring a copy of court order) and get this crap settled once and for all. 

All these stupid parents... I would love if my son's dad took an interest in him. He is only interested to the extent he can try and use him to make me stay in a crappy relationship with him. "Dad" has not seen my son in over a year - completely no communication because I won't be in a relationship with him. And, per the court order he carries health/dental insurance (he requested that). But, it is almost useless because his insurance company has sent him letters that he has to respond to in order for things to be covered. He does not respond so insurance denies the claims. I have had to pay out of pocket for multiple visits - including an emergency room visit. He is still trying to financially harm me - using our son.

All these crazy ass parents upset that the other parent WANTS to be involved are stupid. Just stupid. 

iamlosingit's picture

I have not heard of this.  Might be worth a shot.  He has gone in countless times in person to request info and they just confirm his info is listed and they don't know why he isn't getting anything.

tog redux's picture

If they are automated reminders, they can only be sent to one phone number (at least at my clinic).

thinkthrice's picture

usually bleeds over into everything not just medical care. . .school, extra curricular activity notices, you name it.

And yes it happened to Chef as well.  The drama stopped when Chef put skids on the Girhippo's health insurance and "compensated" her for it via massive hike in CS  (she was on a cadillac health insurance plan at the time.  kids probably cost her $50 extra a month at most and her and StepDaddyBigBucks were free with tiny co pays).  

Siemprematahari's picture

Good point Tog and some places do accomodate more contact #'s. I have that in place where my H and I both get the information. Lets hope its that way for this OP's situation.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Not a bad idea. Psycho doesn't ever bother with appointments. I'm actually listed as the number two emergency contact for the schools and doctors. And SD6's teacher typically tries to call me first if direct contact is needed. (right behind DH) if something happens.  Makes it easier. School got cancelled due to severe weather before and they called Psycho (DH's phone was dead at the time, like dead dead needed a new one...). She didn't tell anyone, so DH figured if it's important he can let her know, but that she didn't need to be at the top of the list. THANKFULLY I was already on my way to get her because my work let me out and work refuses to cancel for anything, so I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

Typically schools and doctors will let you adjust emergency lists. Maybe they can get a note on the file if you're persistent enough so they have to call BOTH parents equally? I mean your skid can't be the only child of divorced parents that they're dealing with.