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“You WILL say thank you to MY WIFE!”

SubstituteMommy's picture

Due to distance learning, there are times when supplies need to be picked up at the school for projects and assignments. My SO's work schedule makes it impossible for him to do any of that, so it's always me. Yesterday, I had to go to the school for SD10. I got home and she grabbed it, laid everything out on the kitchen table, and went on her merry way. Each time that I have picked anything up for my own kids, I have always been thanked for it. SD though? Of course not. Not even once. I mentioned it to my SO and he was instantly annoyed. I love how he has slowly realized who SD is over the last few months. He still has his moments where he is stupidly optimistic and overly hopeful, but he is way more aware of how much of a mini BM his daughter is. She has no empathy or compassion, she's super fake 24/7, she's unattached and uncaring, she's dishonest and rebellious, and I could keep going. Last night, he said, "You WILL say thank you to MY WIFE!" I don't like when people are forced to show thanks or apologize because it's not genuine, so what's the point? He told me that he knows that she isn't thankful for anything, but she still has to thank me when I do stuff for her. This is a huge turn of events. With SD's BM living in another state, all of the pressure to be "mom" has been on me since SD was four years old. From day one, I've been treated like I was supposed to fill the shoes and like I'm obligated to do everything that the BM should be doing. The expectations have been unfairly high from SD, my SO, and literally everyone else, including my own parents. It's been overwhelming. I'm happy that my SO is finally starting to be visibly bothered by his daughter's messed up personality and behavior.

Comments

BethAnne's picture

Personally I demand that my sd12 thank me for all sorts of things and don't wait for someone else to remind her. I do the same with my nephews and with other people's kids too. I assume that kid's are still teachable and feel that teaching them that I (and others) deserve respect is important. 

I'm glad your husband agrees that his daughter needs to show you respect. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

Exactly! Thank you! My kids thank me for serving them dinner! LOL! Manners and gratitude are so important. I find that so much of today's youth lack both of those things and it's so sad.

JRI's picture

It means an awful lot when your DH acknowledges your efforts.  Good for him and you!

Wilhelm's picture

Children need to be taught. Tell her she needs to say thankyou when something is passed to her, anything no matter how small. Common manners.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Yes. I totally agree. The world would be a better place if more people had that quality.

ndc's picture

There's no excuse for a child that age not saying thank you when something is done for them.  My skids (5 and 8 ) say thank you any time I make them a meal, help them with homework, etc.  All things I routinely do and they expect to be done, but they thank me anyway.  Why?  Because the importance of doing so, and having good manners, has been drilled into them since they were tiny toddlers.  If I am not thanked, I say something to them, not because I need to be thanked, but because I know if it is second nature for them to thank me, they will thank others.  It is important to me, and to DH and BM, that they be well mannered and polite.  My bio is less than a year and doesn't talk yet, but every time she hands me a toy or shares, she is thanked. Start them young!

SubstituteMommy's picture

Good for you! It's nice to hear that other people value that sort of thing. I was raised that way and I have raised my kids to be that way. In my opinion, it's absolutely necessary!

Gimlet's picture

Completely agree.

Gratitude is a core family value for me.  We said "thank you" a lot in my house and still do now.  We thank people for cooking meals, helping with things, completing chores, etc.  My DD said "Fank" before she could pronounce it correctly.  

It goes a long way toward learning to treat people well. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

That's really good! One of my favorite things about my kids is how much they say thank you and how they apologize when they've done something wrong. SD never ever apologizes and she never shows any signs of being thankful. It's gross.

Cover1W's picture

My DH was complaining this summer about YSD14s overall lack of manners around other people and in a different way around us.

"DH, she's never been taught, how do you expect her to suddenly know how to be polite?"

No answer.

I do demand thank yous and give them as well. I also came down hard on table manners which for some reason were deteriorating over the summer. DH thought I was being too hard. So at dinner I started acting like YSD. It only took two meals and now we're back to human decency.

The_Upgrade's picture

Haha my MIL did that to prove a point to one of the grandkids. Turns out watching nana chew her food with her mouth open was quite a turn off for the rest of the table...

SubstituteMommy's picture

It's alarming (but not surprising) how often SD acts like we haven't taught her certain things. If it doesn't serve her, she doesn't care. She seems to have manners and act sweet in front of a select audience. It's all about the show and the praise. It's so nice to hear that you and others expect good manners! It's essential in the crazy world that we live in!

Peach's picture

He is making her do it - that's great.  She needs to be taught.  Manners are extremely importand and I taught my kids from an early age how to act at the table, as well as giving thanks for what others are doing for you.

SubstituteMommy's picture

That's awesome! I agree. We have to teach our kids. There are too many people who lack basic manners and it's such a shame.