savemysanity's Blog
And now SD17 is pregnant....smh.
I haven't posted on ST in a while. Even I get tired of my whining. I do stop in every now and then, and I see not much has changed. We're all being tortured, headed for an early death caused by stress, and some of us are becoming alcoholics to deal with life. Welcome to step-hell. lol.
I do love my man, and life has gotten easier since COMPLETELY disengaging from SD22 and SD17.
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Life gets better in some ways, but worse in other ways....
SO and I have really been working things out in therapy. I think that the antidepressant I'm on now are finally the right ones and dosage for me. My therapist also convinced me to ask my doctor for something for anxiety, which I've always been scared to do, but I've had these pills now for almost a month, and have only taken two of them. My drinking is no longer out of control; I've had a few beers while cooking out with friends, but not to the point of getting drunk. And yes, one margarita last night for Cinco De Mayo.
Do you ever
just want to vent on here and then just realize what a bitch you really are? Gah, I'm having one of those nights. I just hate everybody and everything.
I think the torture of this life has truly turned me into someone I don't even recognize.
This day has been horrible and I cannot even put into words what I'm feeling because I even hate myself for feeling the way I feel.
Even in anonymity, I can't do it. Ugh. What does that say about me?
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Update on "Out of Control" SD16....eyeroll. Hate to say "I told you so, SO, but....."
Just an update on a forum topic I recently posted:
I'm losing it.
If you believe in God, pray for me.
If not, just send me some good vibes or something.
I swear, I'm losing my mind. My heart hurts, my brain obsesses, and I've replaced my coffee with alcohol.
At this point, it's not even the SKs or the BM. Except maybe the residual pain they've left me with....It's just this freaking depression that I can't kick.
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Brag about Bios Weekend
Weekends are supposed to be HAPPY, right??? RIGHT???
Since the SKIDS stress all of us out, and there was a forum topic in the past few weeks about "are bios really THAT good/SKs really THAT bad?" Uhhhh, hell yeah!
So let's focus on the good.
Don't be shy. I'll start.
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Confession time - it can't be ALL the SK's (or BM or DH's) fault. I'll start.
So, the New Year is about to begin. I sure as HELL can't change the evil stepchildren, or their mother, or my pathetic SO.....but I'm not perfect, either. What can YOU change to make your situation better? I'll even accept excuses as to why you've done the things you've done, but just let me know I'm not alone here. kay?
Everything seems hopeless. And maybe I am an evil stepmom.
After forgiving the stepdaughters repeatedly (I'm sure the details are in my other blogs), I can't find it in my heart to forgive them again. Scratch that. Maybe I could forgive them, but I can't subject myself or my children to their cruelty and hatred and vulgarity again. I've never wanted SO to have to choose between me and his children, even though "You've choose her and her kids over us" has been thrown at him again and again. I UNDERSTAND the love of a parent for their children. I could NEVER choose ANYONE over my own kids.
I'm drunk and I'm hurting....help!
As hateful as they are, I miss my SD's....what the efff is wrong with me? I can't stop crying. I can't believe I'm spending the holidays without them. I hate them, but I don't want to....and yet, I still love them. I would have done anything for them. Gahhhhhhhh.
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My kids aren't perfect, but they're pretty damn close.
I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Instagram, but it's a photo-sharing social media app. I have to share this, because if I don't recognize the GOOD in my life, I may truly lose my mind.
My 17 year old son posted a picture of me, my mother, and my daughter on Wednesday, which on Instagram is known as #WomanCrushWednesday .
This is what he wrote under it: