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Wondering what's better a DH/SO with 1 child vs more...

pickles45's picture

I can't help but think it would be nicer if my SO had at least 2 children vs. just his daughter. The reason why is because I think (and I may need to be corrected from others on here about this) is that if she had a sibling they could hang out when they are here. Because right now I am just so annoyed! She is her till Monday morning. As usual she has no plans/friends to hang out with. So its 48 hours plus non-stop of her in our faces. Part of the problem may be she waits till Friday at 5pm to try and make plans with her friends. Umm how about asking them earlier in the week before they get booked up? (Of course every single one of her classmates at her tiny private school have activities they are involved in and outside friends) Anyways so here it is Friday night and they are out in the garage playing darts while I sit up here blogging.

My SO said "I'm going out to play darts. Who's joining me?" Within a nano second she's like "I AM!!!!" and runs past me as fast as she could to go outside!  The mature adult in me says I shouldn't care. The immature part of my brain is seething! I wish she had a life! I wish my SO would rather I be out there then sitting here in the house by myself. I wish, if he feels the need to spend all night with her up his ass, that he didnt care if I go do my own thing but he wants me here with him. Im alsoannoyed because I bought him the dart board for us to play. It's petty but I don't care! Let's see how long they stay out there...

We had such a bumpy chunk of time the past few weeks and then the past week has been awesome. We talked about a lot of things and I have been so optimistic. She's here now and I feel like the spider in the well. One step foward two steps back....

How can he not have a clue how much these weekends suck for me????

Comments

somethingwicked's picture

 1 -2 -3 -4. skids..the number is immaterial if  just one or they've all  been PAS'd and Disneyed into becoming a Toxic Troll.

 

It's like a virus.All you need is one to make you violently ill.

AND ,Pickles..are you shackeled to the kitchen table or something being forced to watch your SO and his kid bond or exaggerate and over bond coz Daddee is trying to feel less guilty and skid trying to keep a clutch on DADDEE to prove he loves her more than evil step or something ?

 

You do not have to sit and seethe.

Get up and get out.Grab the car keys and tell  SO you are running errands.Go to the movies. Call a friend to grab a coffee. Go for a run or to the gym. Get away from the worship fest if it is causing ulcers.

Maybe SO will miss your company and start structuring time for skid  and some for you or both.

But your SO's kid is there to visit her father. Not you .You don't have to hang around.

And do you guys have not one weekend day together?

That sucks and he should change the schedule so he gets at least one weekend.

AND ,finally, if it is too much to take for at least however much time must pass until skid ages out and gets on her own (if ever ) as you are not married  it would be SO EASY to  leave and find a partner who is childless.Keep that as your ace in the hole .

 

 

 

 

pickles45's picture

We have every other weekend but usually onthe Saturdays shes not here he works so we get 2 days a month (Sunday) just us with no work.

Disneyfan's picture

But he isn't working 24 hour days.  So after work, you have time together.  The man has much more time with you than he has with his daughter.

If the extra days he's working is an issue, ask him to stop or cut back.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why are you sitting at home seething over a man spending an evening with his kid that he only ever sees 48 hours at a time?

I *do* get why you are frustrated with him in general. What I *don't* understand is why you cave into him and his wants.

What does it matter if you make him mad? If you upset him, then you get confirmation that he is selfish. Do you just not want to face reality? It is easier to blame SD's presence than it is to face the cold reality that you're only useful to your SO when you do as your told. Been there, done that.

You can sit at home, sulking and stewing, weekend after weekend to try and keep the peace with him. Or, you can go live your life while he goes and lives his and face the reality of your relationship. If he gets mad at you for going out while he stays in with his daughter JUST THIS ONE TIME, then he's a selfish a-hole who doesn't give two hoots about you so long as he is fulfilled.

So, what are you scared of?

pickles45's picture

To be clear I do my own things as much as I can on the weekends she is here but sometimes I like be in my own home. I have planned girls nights out, run errands go shopping etc. 

i also don’t see why it’s wrong to want to have little chunks of time with just my SO when she’s here. Not the whole evening but my God we don’t ever get 30 minutes!!!  Just today I left to go shopping all day. So they’ve had the day to themselves but where are they? Yup out in the garage again playing darts while I’m upstairs on my phone. She needy and he is a Disney dad! Right now I’m not scared just super annoyed!! 

 And I’m so sick of people acting like she’s the poor little girl who doesn’t get to see her daddy! She sees him 14 days a month!!! (Granted 4 of those are just in the morning as she goes to school but on days there isn’t school she can be here till noon). I’m sorry but I grew up with both parents married till they died and I never spent hour after hour with my dad on the weekends! 

WarMachine13's picture

She sees him 14 days a month!!!

Well whoopdidoo. She'd see him every day of the month if dad was married to mom or if dad got FULL custody.

You said it yourself. You grew up with both parents married so you saw you dad EVERY DAY. Face it. Your jealous of this kid getting ANY time when you want attention. Thems the hard facts. 

Sounds like you need to find yourself a man WITHOUT kids so you can have ALL his time. Jeez.

thinkthrice's picture

indiscretions, the more CS.  Less is more.

MurphysLaw's picture

“I can't help but think it would be nicer if my SO had at least 2 children vs. just his daughter.”

Oh Jaysus Pickles! You’re drunk! Go to bed, talking that crazy sh!t…as if one ain’t bad enough, your wanting bookends…

StepUltimate's picture

You so funny!!

pickles45's picture

Ding Ding Ding! I was drinking last night so I may not have been thinking rationally. Thats also why I just couldn't leave and do something. Smile

ndc's picture

I think you're delusional.  First, not all siblings get along or want to hang out with each other.  Also, with your luck one skid would be a social butterfly, and you'd still be stuck with the other one.   More skids = more child support.  One will age out sooner than the other, so you'd still have a skid around after the first one was gone.  Also, picture 3 against 1 instead of 2 against 1.  Definitely not a good thing!  Yes, occasionally multiple skids might keep each other entertained, but I think it would compound your problems rather than solve them.  

HowLongIsForever's picture

This, this and this.  (and all the other stuff, too).

I sooooo wish there were one where there are two.  OSS is an insecure resource guarder and it drives me (and SO but welcome to the bed you made) up a wall.  Literally cries if someone else TALKS to SO or if SO is otherwise occupied.

GPAs birthday? Sob on the couch in front of everyone because SO dares to sit and speak with his father.  Friday movie night? Blow a gasket because YSS steps outside to offer SO a movie suggestion while they are playing catch.

YSS is a wild child but the personalities are night and day.  I have thought, more than once, how much easier life would be if YSS was an only.  Realistically it wouldn't be, though.  OSS is the way he is because he's BMs golden child and sonsband where YSS is the scapegoat.  Had there been just YSS he would be in OSSs shoes.

Boo on SO for compounding the mistake of his marriage with the mistake of breeding.  Not once but twice.  

Be glad there is one.

thinkthrice's picture

PURPOSELY bred with the Girhippo thrice!!!  

HowLongIsForever's picture

Oh his were intentional, too.  They are here and he loves them but he did not want to be a father.  He just didn't not want it more than she wanted it.

Which is super clucked up.  But here we are.

Frustrated future SM's picture

It would not be better with more kids added to the equation, trust me! My bf has a boy and a girl and you'd think he'd give them space to play alone together but nope! He literally has to be with them every second he has them. The only time we have alone together is when he's put them to bed and even then they'll keep waking up in the night because "daddeeee I can't schweep!" Or "daddeeee I want chocowate miwk!"

Be happy you only have the one lol! At least you only have to deal with the annoyances of one. I've got double the trouble!

And you should just go do your own thing on his weekends with her. Why be miserable and unhappy Everytime she comes around. I agree with lieutenant_dad. You're a grown woman so don't let him decide what you can and can't do. It's nice to give him complete alone time with his daughter from time to time anyway.

Disneyfan's picture

Your SO is an ass, but some of issues are self inflicted. 

YOU made the CHOICE to sit alone in the house and do nothing.  Both of you were invited to play darts, but you opted not to.

You talk about a 14 year old not making plans with friends, but you're a grown adult doing the same thing.

The man is an ass, but he didn't do anything wrong this time.  This is all on you.

You are making the choice to be miserable in the house instead of hanging out with a few friends or joining in with SD and SO.  You have the power to change all of this, but you are making the choice not to use that power.

Just J's picture

"You talk about a 14 year old not making plans with friends, but you're a grown adult doing the same thing."

Nope, gotta disagree with you here. OP is a grown woman in a relationhip with this man, who is his daughter's FATHER and not her BOYFRIEND, and part of being in a relationship is having someone to hang out with on a friday or saturday night and not sit at home alone. It's called "date night", not kids' night. Teenagers should be spending weekend nights with their friends, not their parents. And OP has every right to expect to hang out with her boyfriend and not have to make plans with girlfriends every weekend so she has something to do. 

When I was 14, my best friend and I spent every weekend together, going to movies, amusement parks, spending the night at each other's houses. We certainly weren't up our parents' asses. Thers's NO WAY I would have picked playing darts at home with my dad over hanging out with her. That's such crazy behavior to me that for some reason, everyone gives COD's a pass on, no matter what the age. There's a poster on here with an adult SD who has no life and is up her dad's ass all the time; that is what this nonsense turns into. 

WarMachine13's picture

Problem is, kid don't see her dad every day. Looks like dad is making it date night with his kid. OP can have a date with him 12 night outta 14. What she gonna do if dad gets full custody. 

tog redux's picture

I'm grateful my DH only had one, and I'm very grateful it was a BOY.  BM and the PAS may have caused huge stress, but in general, SS was not bad when he was here. 

Kids today don't go out and "hang out with friends" like we did. They sit on their phones and text, social media, etc, or they game. If you are lucky (?) they are involved in sports or dance, but then you have to drive them all over Hell's Half -Acre all weekend for their events.  They don't go out and ride bikes, or roam the neighborhood, or even have sleepovers much, like we used to.  Part of that is the Internet, and part of it is parents' need to know where their precious babies are every minute.

I too don't really understand your attitude towards this girl.  Why not yell MEEE TOOO and run out and play darts with them?  Why sit and sulk at the table because she's there?  Then other times you post how much you love her, etc.

Either enjoy her being there or go find something else to do. SS and I used to play games, watch movies, walk the dog, throw the ball in the backyard, etc. 

pickles45's picture

I never say I love her. I care for her and am never mean to her but like a lot of SM's on here I am much happier when she isn't here and never miss her whens shes not here. I also dont mind spending some time with her just not non-stop from Friday at 3 until Monday morning at 8am. Oh and I didnt sulk I came upstairs, vented ion here, called a girlfriend and laughed on the phone for over an hour. 

tog redux's picture

You're right - you said you try not to love her because she could disappear from your life at any minute.

I just don't get what your problem is with this kid, or why you are still in this relationship if the kid's very existence is intolerable for you.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Who wants to do anything with a mini wife?!

i don’t do sh!t for or with my stepbrat. I’m disengaged. 

tog redux's picture

But you don't post on here and complain about how your SO/DH chooses the stepbrat over you and bemoan how annoying the kid is and how you wish you had more time with SO, etc.

You took charge of your issue in your home and deal with it.  The OP does not do that.

Also - I don't hear "brat" for this kid. I haven't heard one thing about this kid that isn't just the OP not liking her for breathing.

Chmmy's picture

I think youre right about more than one but 4!!! DH has 4 and someone always needs something from attention to a ride to material things. IT'S. ALWAYS. SOMETHING. His CS was ridiculous when they lived with BM. I think it was $640/wk + 50% expenses like school, med & activities of which he paid 100% cuz he's an idiot. He also bought all of their clothes, shoes, coats, makeup, tampons also bcuz he's an idiot. He also allowed BM to use the kids to get other things. Daaaaad we have no toilet paper, we have no food, please go shopping and then all of a suddeen BM would txt a list of what they need....oh and. Can you grab cigarettes too.

Now he has custody. The skids are soooo nasty and un lovable she gavee up all that just to dump the kids on him.

To answer your question 2 might be a little better at times but thank God eveeeryday that you dont have 4 skids living in your house 90% with $50/wk awarded child support...not per child. We get $50 total for everything for 4 kids ages 10-19

tog redux's picture

There were 4 kids in our family and my father used to call us "Gimme, Getta, Wanta and Needa" - LOL!  And that was 50 years ago when parents didn't spoil the living crap out of kids, or at least my parents didn't.

I think I would have run for the hills from a man with 4 kids. And the courts are so biased - 200 a month for 4 kids for BM, when your DH was paying 2500 per month.

thinkthrice's picture

they call it the "female sentencing discount"   Feminists should be ashamed but they are not because they wanted special rights and not equal rights all along. 

Plantmom's picture

I'm glad my husband had one. He realized his mistake and didn't stick around to make another. 

SD11 doesnt like to visit us because there are no kids around to play with. If she had siblings we'd probably see her more. 

One and done is definitely easier for me. 

thinkthrice's picture

depends on how HC the BM is.  All three of mine used to huddle together but do nothing but screens when they were here.   That is what they did at the mothership's house... endless screens and snacking ( on junk, of course).

The Gir told them to "stick together" so that eeeeevvvvvviiiiilllll Thinkthrice won't harm them in some fashion.  And then there is PAS groupthink...

STaround's picture

1.  Does he live close enough to his ex that the SD can see her freinds from mom's house?   I think one of the best things divorced parents can do for their kids is not move away.  No need to live on the same street, but close enough kids can do ECs, see freinds, etc easily.

2.  Is he suggesting she can have a freind over?  Is he allowing her to participate in activities on his time?  

pickles45's picture

They live nearish to oneanother (about 15 minutes) but the visitation has always been very rigid. When she is here she is here 100%. When she is with her mom she is there 100%. No variations on the visitation schedule. As for gettingher to do things - Trust me he is ALWAYS asking her to find friends to come over, or go do soemthing with. He would lOve for her to be involved in things. But the ex has never made her stick with anything. (she danced one year. wasnted to quit so mom let her. Same with horseback riding, and swim). 

 

What annoys me is as usual she tried to make plans for this weekend yesterday at 5 when her friends already have plans but she already has a friend staying with her ALL next weekedn when she will be at her mom's. Thats how it is. She always has friends over there or goes to a friends house. Its like she is obsessed with not lsoing one second with her father. 

 

Another example: She sleeps in every Sat and Sunday at her mom's. Today she was up at 9. I swear its becuase she doesnt want her father and I to even have 15 minutes to ourselves. Which is probably all we got this morning.

Disneyfan's picture

Do the parents know your SO?   If the other parents do not know him, they may not be comfortable with allowing their kids to attend sleepovers at his home.

STaround's picture

Her freinds parents may not want them staying with her with unmarried dad.   Many kids try an activity and move on.  

WarMachine13's picture

She's there 2 days outta 14. You got 12 days to get your 15 minutes alone. This girl ain't as big a problem as your jealousy.

thinkthrice's picture

your Guilty Daddy is showing... she just wants the skid to have peers to focus on instead of being human velcro to daaaadddeee which is NOT normal.  My bios were CODs and they had their own friends at their dad's well.

 

thinkthrice's picture

I always joked with Chef that he should be paying CS to the skid's victims...errrr, "friend's" parents as the Gir always dumped the skids off at someone else's house all week and weekend.

Does skid have any cousins or relatives that could come over and play with her?  We went that route as well but the skids, in particular SD, were so horrible and jealous of their much nicer and more attractive,  yet slightly older 2nd cousins that they soon bowed out.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Translation: he wants you there so you can bow down to his mini wife and serve her needs. Threaten to return the dart board and remind him the darts were for the adults in the household.

He does NOT make you, his wife, a priority.

Separate finances. Do not fund either of them. Go find a hobby and get the hell out of the house when his mini wife is visiting.

tog redux's picture

How is him playing darts with his daughter not putting his GF first? Is he not supposed to interact with his child at all? Is the OP supposed to have first dibs on him all the time?

He asked if anyone wanted to play darts, the kid said yes. OP could have said, me first, or I'll play next or whatever.

I don't get it.

 

pickles45's picture

The point of my blog is yet again it’s just the same dynamic every single weekend we have her! she gets here Friday afternoon and sits around with absolutely nothing to do And has to be by her father’s side constantly. I don’t need more time with my SO. I’m  actually a very independent person who enjoys doing my own thing so I think what gets on my nerves is her constantly just following us from room to room. I do go out with my friends when I can. I do spend days without them like today I’m shopping all day. It’s just very frustrating to see her constantly having things to do the weekends she’s with her mother and seeing her lack of trying to do anything with her friends on the weekend she’s with her dad. After they played darts he went up to the office to sit at his desk and she had to go and lay on the couch and fall sleep in there rather than go to her room even for a little bit. Then she had to get up at 9 AM today because she heard us get up. We go into the office this morning to both do a little work and she came in and laid on the floor between us! 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

What?! Time for a come to Jesus meeting with your Disney Dad of a husband. His spawn is way too old to be so clingy and she should not be allowed to lay down on the floor of the office. What a sack of sh!t! Coddling ffs! Is he secretly afraid to parent/discipline?

Can you make a solo office for yourself with a keyed lock and forbid mini wife entering/touching your stuff?

pickles45's picture

Thank you!   That’s my point. She just does things that in my opinion at going on 15 she should be phasing out of. And no I can’t move my office I would if I could.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

OMG 15?! She acts like a three year old! Three year olds are clingy and lay on the floor by parents,

You have a severe husband problem.

Disneyfan's picture

There's nothing wrong with the girl wanting to spend time with her father.  The fact that it bothers you so much is weird.

Some if these kids just can't win.  Teen SDs who who rather spend time with their friends than their fathers are wrong.  Teens who spend their visitation time hiding in their rooms instead of interacting with their fathers are wrong.  Now this one( a well behaved, respectful teen) who WANTS to hang out with her dad is also wrong.

pickles45's picture

My opinion is that there should be a balance I certainly expect him to spend time with his daughter the 10+ days a month he has her. I just don’t think it needs to be nonstop from the minute she wakes up until she goes to bed. Even he and I on the weekends she’s not there don’t spend every minute super glue to one another. 

tog redux's picture

I have to agree, I don't get it.  OK, she's clingy and hangs around her dad. Annoying a bit, maybe, but if that's it, then count your blessings.

 

 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Listen...

OP, herself, purchased the darts game EXPRESSLY for her and her HUSBAND to play with.

Obviously, he knows this but deliberately was vague about who he was going to play darts with. He should have asked OP alone if she wanted to play darts with him. If his mini wife b!tched he should have told her to go read a book or ride her bike or whatever.  OP’s husband should stop acting like his spawn’s peer/friend.

Disneyfan's picture

"OP, herself, purchased the darts game EXPRESSLY for her and her HUSBAND to play with."

That's childish.

If someone gave me a "gift", then got pissy because I invited others to join us while using said "gift",  I'd give it back.

This guy is usually doing everything he can to keep his kid away from the OP.  This time he actually tried to include them both in an activity.  That's a huge step for a man that seems to he stuck in jerk mode.

pickles45's picture

I didn’t care that he played darts with her that wasn’t my point of my blog. My point is the way she had to run out there as fast as she possibly could because she was so afraid she’d miss an opportunity to be with him. He actually wants me always involved with things they do.  I’m the one who just needs some breathing room. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Bow OUT and disengage. Never perpetuate the happy little family fallacy; just always have “plans.” 

tog redux's picture

Or ... maybe she wanted to play darts?

I dunno, OP - I don't know why you stay in the relationship.  In 20 years you are going to be complaining because SD brought her kids over to be watched 20 minutes earlier than SO said to.  Or she had the audacity to ask her father to go to lunch one day and keep him away for 2 hours. Or maybe she asked to borrow some money from him, even though she always pays it back, why does she need to borrow it from him!

I've honestly never seen anyone complain as much about harmless skid behaviors. 

 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Bullsh!t. Adult toys are for the husband and wife. Is mini wife entitled to wear lingerie OP’s husband got her or use the sex toys they got for each other?

 If I get something special for me and DH it is for ME AND DH. Never stepbrat. Never, ever.

Disneyfan's picture

What kind of adult games you're playing that require DARTS??? LOL

You are being ridiculous.  The OP gave the man gift that all 3 of them could play with together.  To equate a game of darts to a KANDI KOATED NIGHTS GIFT BOX is just silly.

I do not accept gifts that come with strings attached.  If you give me a gift, I am free to share it with others if I like.  I wouldn't think twice about returning the game if the giver had an issue with my child playing with it.

lieutenant_dad's picture

So the television in my living room should only ever be used by DH and I because I got it for him for his birthday? The kids and our friends should NEVER be able to gaze upon it or use it?!

Well hell, I've been doing it all wrong then! I'll need to start taking it down every time the boys come in the living room. Or throw a sheet over it. I mean, if the intent is the same as my 900 horsepower Vibrat-O-Tron with detachable cupholders, then just looking upon the television could be seen as lustful and inappropriate for the kids. Guess I'll turn myself in to CPS!

There have been ludicrous things said on this board, but the comparison of a darts game to lingerie might just claim the top spot.

Curious Georgetta's picture

Doing your own things when she is there  you will focus less on what they are doing when you become more involved in what you are doing.

She does not get to spend a lot of time with her dad so the time that she spends with him is probably special for both of them.

Do not spend your free time thinking or considering what they are doing.

Your free time should be your "me time"

Step-girlfriend's picture

I get being irritated by this, mostly because of SD’s need to be by his side every day. Most parents need a break from their kids every day in one way or another. But because SD is a COD, your SO caters to it and doesn’t want to tell her to go entertain herself for a few minutes. And I agree, when I was young I barely spent any time at all with my dad. I didn’t see him much, but I certainly wouldn’t have been allowed to follow him around like a puppy. A few random thoughts: 

-I think times are changing, and it’s hard for some of us who were raised in a “go find something to do” era to see these dads just letting skids be attached to them constantly. Without a minute to breathe. And SD is definitely at an age where she should have friends to talk on the phone with, or wanting to be in her room for a bit. My SO rarely tells SD to go find something to do, but most days she’s in her room for a while at least. I feel for you to have a stage 5 clinger. 

- 2 skids don’t change anything at all, unfortunately. SS is in his room constantly, but when he comes out he expects my SO to drop everything and play foosball with him on command. Similarly, I bought the foosball table for my SO, mostly for him and I to play (although skids too)...but after the first few months I wasn’t invited to play. It would be “dad will you play foosball with us”? And the 3 of them would play without asking me. Just the other day my SO’s mom made a comment about foosball, and asked if I play. SO said, “we play all the time, but step-girlfriend doesn’t usually play”. I said, yeah they don’t ask me to play. My SO looked genuinely shocked and said, what, I didn’t know you  wanted to play? I said, no one asks me to play, skids just ask you. Later he brought it up again in an apologetic way and said he really didn’t think I wanted to play, and that I’m always invited to play with them. I said, skids say “dad want to play?”...they don’t care if I play and I don’t want to invite myself. I told him that his kids want to play with HIM, and what his attention more than mine. I wasn’t mad about it, it’s just a fact. Since then my SO has asked me to play too. Anyway, skids never play together. Almost ever. If they want yonolay foosball and my SO won’t play, they just don’t play. Like they are incapable of entertaining each other.

-Your SO getting mad at you if you do other things is ridiculous. I try to make plans quite a bit. It sounds like you do too, but don’t let him influence your plans. You do you. You’re in survival mode! 

-Based on the lack of change in this area from your SO regarding SD...I would try and think of a way to make it tolerable. Would being gone even more when she’s there help? Reading a book in your room? Aside from SD going and finding a life or your SO telling her to go do something, what would make this more tolerable? When things about the skids irritate me that may seem dumb, I’ve been working on strategies- I’ve made myself scarce more. Cooked less. Have been reading in our room. It has helped. Less exposure to skids = less annoyances about them. The fact is, we have feelings about skids that may not make sense and may seem weird to some. No one has all the same feelings. If we want to stay in our relationships, We just need to find strategies to cope and make it tolerable when skids are there. 

SMto2's picture

I have 2 SSs who were 4 and 5 when I got with DH. Yes, they were BFFs and spent a lot of time together. However, oldest SS has ALWAYS been extremely selfish and demanding of attention. He LOVED baseball when he was that age, and my DH must have pitched him 1000 pitches a weekend while his little brother sat and picked clover in the grass. lol. So, if if makes you feel any better, NO, having 2 kids, even 2 of the same gender, does NOT mean the SKs will spend all their time playing together and be less needy. (BTW, Oldest SS is now 23 with a wife and 2 kids of his own, and still VERY self-centered.) 

jbirch822's picture

You're normal. I've seen many posts similar to this one where these feelings are common. This is part of being a stepparent. You're either going to have to join their fun, disengage or leave the relationship. It sucks but it is the reality of blended families. Good luck. And be very glad it is just 1. I have 4 skids. I'm planning my escape for the very near future.