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Lies and manipulations

EveryoneLies's picture

SS stb 15 lies about everything. 

The latest event was lying about his presentation attire had to be black. It's really stupid because had he really just stated that it was his preference it would still have been done for him. We asked so many times whether his suit had to be black and he insisted "the teacher said it has to be." We told him if it is him who likes it to be black we will get it too. But no, it is the teacher.

Well turned out black suits are hard to get if we need it on time, and that he could end up having no suit to wear. At that point I asked whether the requirements were posted anywhere by the teacher. And....no where did it state the suits have to be black. The teacher even gave example pictures of suits in all colors (except black!). This pissed DH so much because he had gone to store more than once to find them but there just wasn't one that fits SS. We were able to get one that's not black so at least he had something to wear for his presentation. I dislike the manipulation so much, but sadly I know I'm going to encounter it again soon.

Small things like this happen on daily basis. I'm at the point I really don't believe a word coming from SS's mouth. And SS argued that if he had no intention to lie, then he didn't lie.I just can't even. Ugh.

Comments

JRI's picture

I had this with SD and OSS.  I guess they felt they had to lie to get what they wanted.  I suppose they didnt trust that I'd try my best to get what they preferred.  I guess it was an insecurity thing.

SD still lies to get her way.  It seems like a lot of trouble, I, personally am too lazy to lie and remember it all.

EveryoneLies's picture

I know what you mean, and that's why when we asked SS whether it's his preference we specifically said if that's his preference it will be fine as well. I've explained so many times why this kind of behavior destroy trust, but I don't think I am ever able to put this into SS's mind. 

SS isn't being abused. He has everything he needs, and most of the things he wants. But in his mind he has this story about we never get him anything. I don't think I can change this, so I'm giving up haha.

JRI's picture

I'm pretty sure BM imprinted the insecurity in SD and OSS, she had a checkered past of her own (given up by her mother, raised by a relative) so I guess I kind of understand.  Best to just accept reality and go with the flow.

EveryoneLies's picture

Yea..I've been telling myself it will not be me who's responsible for SS's failure. Some people choose not to succeed and can't be helped. I understand why he lies but really that only makes him really hard to like. And he wonders why he has no friends (shrug).

Rags's picture

We stopped asking and instructed ours to show us.  "Tell us" gives too much opportunity to tell what they think we want hear rather than the truth. Or worse, the chance to outright lie.

EveryoneLies's picture

I have to constantly remind myself to do that. SS wants independence and I do try damn hard to show a little trust. However it has not been working in my favor. I will just have to have him show all the time from now on. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Being given independence is only earned through trust, and reliability though. 

EveryoneLies's picture

I know, you know, everyone knows...but SS thinks independence just comes with age. To be honest I wish that's the case because I freaking hate picking up after him.

hregal2011's picture

My bio daughter used to lie a lot. (Pretty sure she has a personality problem and it's been hell to deal with).  My SD is just clueless and doesn't pay attention to anyone so offer she has no idea what needs to be done.  We have learned over the years to honestly Check Up on Everything.  From keeping in touch with teachers, to texting parents about plans.  We had to make it a point to call out the kids when information was inaccurate-which lead to No Going to whatever event they were wanting to participate (school ones they had to go..). Then we spoke at nauseum about What to ask and When regarding plans and such.  If they didn't get it together and lies weee discovered-everything got called off. (The events are always small enough on our end because we knew this is a risk)..my daughter has gotten way better but my SD just decided to Not Do Anything to combat having to be responsible about stuff.  It's SO frustrating..

EveryoneLies's picture

It doesn't seem to matter for us whether there is consequence or not, it's a hit or miss. SS is an opportunirist and is always hope the result is going to be different (like perhaps DH and I won't get frustrated this time, maybe he won't get caught this time...etc), but he's not even good at lying.