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Why do we still try?

EveryoneLies's picture

Recently I keep asking myself this question, why do I still try (to help SS)?

SS13 is on ASD spectrum and also has ADHD. I don't want to lie about it even if that makes me sound like a horrible person, but it is mostly unenjoyable when he's around (and he's always around-not his fault except the times he eavesdrops). 

SS is going into high school next year. We told him to check out what electives there are and how to enroll then come back to us so we can discuss. As usual he 1) didn't check (because he didn't know how to and where to, decided not to ask about it) but lied about it 2) when he was caught in the lie, argued. We are currently at the stage where we "guided" him to schedule a meeting with his teacher, but he has zero idea what questions he needs to ask his teacher. (I asked him what he plans to ask the teacher, he said "I'm going to ask my teacher what my counselor want out of me")

Immediately in my head I had ways to guide SS to figure out what he should be asking his teacher. I talked to DH about how I think we can help, but also told him I don't feel like taking part of it because it's a shame most of my good intentions ended up being just stupid arguments.

In case you wonder, this is not "me" who went after SS for all these things. DH is very involved and he takes care of it most of the time. We are both very sick and tired of the off-rail arguments coming from SS.

I know teenagers can be a PITA, and being on the spectrum making "obvious" things not so obvious to them. What frustrates me is there seems to be no way to put any sense into SS's head because he thinks he knows everything and is always right. (e,g, SS argued with DH for 10 minutes yesterday saying there's no "sent" folder in his school email system when in reality it is right under the inbox) Many of the things being argued are small/petty and downright stupid but are draining anyway. I feel like it doesn't matter how much we tried, nothing gets through SS. SS is however quick to blame us for "not letting him know" or "not reminding him" though.

My question to myself remains, why do i still try to help? sigh.




ndc's picture

The only reason I can think of that you would want to help is to make sure the kid does well enough in school that he launches and is out of your house when he turns 18. Short term pain for long term gain?  

EveryoneLies's picture

I think that was my reason a while back, but now I have decided if he can't launch, I will leave. With that said, whether he launches or not shouldn't affect me (as much) anymore. Not necessarily a divorce if that has to happen, as long as I don't live with SS I know my mental health will improve. Sounds cold and sad I know.

I have really dim outlook of SS launching. I wish I can just download and install all the common senses and common decency into his head..