You are here

Been a while. The “genius” SS got a D for math today

EveryoneLies's picture

Haven't been back for a while. Had enough over the summer so DH and I are on the same page that 2 hours a day checking someone's homework is just not good use of our time. We decided SS needs to be the one to care about his own grades, and we can help when he has questions, but HE will be the one to check his own homework.

Recap- SS is High functioning autistic. 

Has been much better than before so far now that we have time for ourselves not fighting with SS over his hw. 

School started from the easier end and SS has been feeling like a genius. Well, genius had a test last week and he told DH he thought he got 100%. The results was in today and he got less than 50%. We had no idea how the teacher graded the test though, because when we asked to see the work, he had only a very badly scribbled sheet (with horrible handwritings) with no work done just one number for each of the questions. 

Been telling him that if people can't read his work, they are not gonna give him the points. Hope the "genius" finally learned something today.

 

Every time things like this happened I just wonder whether I will be able to see the day I would finally be able to live a life without this boy....

Comments

1dad4kids's picture

Good for you guys. This is totally our policy too. If it's home work, it doesn't mean it's parent work. It means it's work to do at home, for the kid. 

Kid fails, kid learns lesson (or doesn't), life goes on. 

EveryoneLies's picture

Thanks!

I think it is really the fear that held us back before. SS being special needs indeed requires more support. It's really just his attitude makes it very difficult for anyone to "want" to help him -_-. I'm just glad those days are kinda in the past now. I hope he can learn and we will never have to check his freaking hw again.

strugglingSM's picture

I had to disengage from helping with school a long time ago. BM is absolutely clueless and DH struggled in school, so he is triggered any time anything seems hard. I was also accused by BM of "making the children feel bad" any time I would talk to them about school. 

Both SSs are well below grade-level. In the past, BM would just go into the counselor's office and cry and then SSs would get their classes switched or would be allowed to do all their work in the resource room. Once school went remote in March, neither one even logged on once. They told me they "didn't have to" because it was "just review"...these are two students who definitely could have benefited from review. 

This year, they are in high school and because our state has pretty stringent graduation requirements, you can't drop any classes and still graduate on time. I just checked SSs grades. They are both in special ed English and both earning Ds and Fs on work that is calibrated at the 7th grade level...so does that mean they are reading at a 6th grade level? BM is too dumb to notice this...and too dumb to realize that she created this monster by always allowing SSs to avoid anything that seemed difficult for the first 9 years of their schooling. My only hope is that they graduate on time. They are now attending in-person learning even though their entire district is remote, because they've been deemed to be "at risk". 

Meanwhile, every visitation weekend, they demand to know if DH is going to pay for college for them...college?! Focus on high school kids...

EveryoneLies's picture

OMG that college talk lol

My SS also has full confidence that he will be able to get into college, which, I don't think so if his current work quality stays the same (that is, incorrect grammar, numerous spelling errors, incomplete and run on sentences...just to name a few..). Told him many times there is no special ed in college. I don't think he really believes me though.

halo1998's picture

of an Asperbergs kid,high functioning...whatever the word is these days.  DS's handwritting is awful. Even he can't read it.  WE did years of occupational therapy and physical therapy to help increase his fine/gross motor skills.  DS used to have to concentrate so hard on the actual task of writing, he either couldn't remember the content or would take too long and not finish.

Due to the we added to his IEP that he could either have a computer to write on or a scribe.  He went from failing to straight A's just becase no one could read his hand writing.

I wonder if your SS has the same issue?

I get the attitude issue...ugh they are so stubborn..makes you want to pull your hair out.  

Glimmer of hope here..DS is now a college Sr and getting ready to graduate with a degree in Economics. 

EveryoneLies's picture

With my SS it's really not that he couldn't do it. I see that's extra effort and surely not easy, but I have seen him done really well handwriting in the past. What we ask is not super neat work, just legible work that no one needs to guess. Just so that we (the teachers and us) can understand what he's trying to convey. Some of the examples are his Y and X look the same, and h and n also the same, and once in a while his e and o are the same. I think these are more of lazy work than incapability, because he constantly rush his work so he can get to the "fun stuff" he wants to do more.

I definitely admire the moms and dads that put in efforts in their ASD kids. I am really out of patience at this point, because fighting with someone who doesn't see the point why effort matters is beyond frustration...(not proud of it).

Does your son care about his grades before being "nudged" to care? Also just curious, does your son now leave on his own (with or without roommates)? And good job mama for making it all the way! 

halo1998's picture

didn't see why he had to do "meaningless" assignments.  DS was ok with B's, etc.  I would say until he was about a Junior we still have to "help".  DS also had an intervention specialist assigned to him so she/he helped at school.  Junior year he got with the program and became more self sufficient.

I completely understand the out of patients...I get there even now.  DS wouldn't make a decision on college so he and his father (my ex) forced him to go to the community college for 2 years. Then he transferred to a big name local college...scarlett and Gray...oh yeah.  

DS still lives at home and still keeps his every other week schedule.  Right now we are struggling to force him to get job.  He is currently fighting that tooth and nail.  Its time though...

EveryoneLies's picture

Good for you to trying to get him to apply for jobs! We've been putting the importance of having a job to both kids too.

My SS doesn't really "reasoning" with us about the "meaningless assignments" so that's one plus. How long did you help/check his homework if at all? He's really not good at keeping things organized. We helped by asking and guilding him to put up a weekly schedule with both his classes and therapies on. It helps somewhat but there are also times he chooses not to use it -_- He has a conselor and a speech therapist from school but neither really helped him with this skill. The therapy we have through our insurance just kept telling us how great he is in the sessions. Which I don't doubt he is, but I feel very invalidated, as if the daily struggle we have with him is not real (can't speak for DH). 

Sometimes I really wonder what the realistic expectations should be like.

 

 

GoingWicked's picture

Is he twice exceptional?  That would explain the "no need to show work, I can do it in my head" attitude, and the stubbornness.  Not that I can help you much there, other than finding a way to get them to care.

EveryoneLies's picture

I wish he is, but he is not. He's currently in 8th grade but his test result shows his math level between 3rd-7th grade. I know it's absurd how the range is so wild. I personally think it's due to his not double checking and rushing through work. I mean, we are not (and cannot) going to be over his shoulder to ensure he spend the time needed to finish the test with quality.

His not showing work actually made it hard to help him because we had no clue which step(s) he did wrong. Not labeling correct units is one thing, but showing the wrong answer just as a number itself is another. We told him this a million times but I don't think it registered.