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Endless Daily annoyance build-up

EveryoneLies's picture

SS is finally back to school, after he reported he had a sore throat and was put on a Covid isolation (aka sent home to do nothing). He of course doesn't have covid. (tested) In fact he doesn't even know what a sore throat is supposed to feel like. He'd however always exaggerate for the sake of attention. It's really annoying I don't know how much longer I can tolerate. (if he gets a paper on the fingers he'd at like he lost a limb)

To be honest I don't know why I detest SS sitting at home doing nothing so much. I don't see him while I work, and I pretty much avoid our schedule to have the minimum interaction possible (so unhealthy, I know). It's almost like just being under the same roof drives me nuts. Or perhaps I know, because I fear I will be stuck with him forever working my arse off for his mere existence. 

Tops with his endless lies...and that he wonders why we are often upset with him. Just last night we learned that he had been missing a month-worth of homework for one of his class. This is after daily check-ins to make sure he turn in his homework, and the trust DH has in him (I no longer check SS's work for this part, he's after all a high schooler). 

But of course with so little capability, he thinks he gets to mansplaining things to me. Such as how computers work and all. Mind you, I work in high tech, and I design software, speak 3 languages, with 2 masters degrees. But no, he knows more lol.

I get that teens are mostly a-holes, and I get that autistic kids have problem communicating. How can one be so unlikeable but still thinks everyone's at fault?

So much rant, I feel horrible. I'm in a dark place now and I apologize for sounding like an a-hole myself. I needed to vent this out so I have the engery to focus on stuff that matters :/


Gimlet's picture

You are not an a-hole, this would be hard on anyone.   Your SS sounds really difficult.

What services is your husband engaging to try to make sure that SS is building life skills?   Even if he's OK with SS not launching, he should be thinking about the fact that he's not going to live forever and that someday SS will either need to be able to care for himself or have some sort of group home or other services lined up.

I am sorry you're living with this and feeling low.  I can relate to a lesser degree about how it feels to live with someone else's kid who has challenges.  There are days I want to scream.

EveryoneLies's picture

Thank you. 

I think SS's an my personality really just don't mesh. I always find a way to help myself before I ask for help, but he always sits and waits for someone to take care of the mess he created. 

I tried talking to DH about SS' future. It usually ends nowhere. (also very frustrating) We have both kids do chores but with SS it's a lot of following and directing, because otherwise it won't actually get done, or things will break. I feel like we are trying hard to knock those skills into him but the resistance is strong :/

Again thanks so much for your reply.

Gimlet's picture

Your SS isn't going to get any better without real help.  Your husband really, really needs to step up and get him evaluated and get a plan in place.

YSS here, I don't know if he's on the spectrum but he definitely has some processing and mental health issues.  He's technically an adult, but his mental age is below his real age.   He's in counseling and on meds and we have an Intensive Outpatient Program lined up for him - it's on hold right now because he wanted to try full time classes at the community college this semester (DH's call on that one), but it's there if he can't handle it.

Your husband can either handle this now, when SS is a minor, or he can have to deal with it when he's an adult, like we are.  In our case, it was some denial on DH's part but also BM being very opposed to counseling and testing (which oddly enough is just fine now that he's clearly not progressing like he should be).

I understand your feelings and I share many of them.  DH has to ride YSS's ass about everything and good lord it gets old.  I get excited about the 2 hours he's gone twice a week for one of his classes because he's leaving the house.   Feel free to PM me if you ever want to just vent, I totally get it.   I even like my YSS most of the time, but there are times all I can think about is him getting TF out of the house, you know?