from the first Christmas I was with DH.
See, even when BM and DH were married, BM never did anything for DH from SS. DH's first Father's Day celebration was when I came into the picture, when SS was 4 1/2 years old. That Christmas, our first one together, was the first time that DH got not just one gift from SS, but two.
I'm wrapping the small gift from DD to SS this evening, with DH on the opposite couch. Conversation goes as follows:
ME: "BM needs to be emailed and told that SS can't open this package until Christmas morning.
DH: "Why? What is it?"
ME: "I got him something from DD for Christmas. It was pretty hard for me to do, but I need and want to raise her to be a nice, polite, good person so I decided to do it."
SS's attitude has not lessened during the Skype calls. Though we can all agree that he is a product of PAS, that he feels abandoned and his attitude is a result of that, etc., it still needs to be dealt with. From the way we (DH and I) see it, he has a few options as far as how to deal with it. I'd like your take on the options, because what better community to poll!?
Shocker that I'm actually posting this, I know.
In the new CO, DH had visitation for me put in there. If/when I go back to the states without DH, SS9 can be with me for up to a week. DH wanted 2, but BM would only give one (funny, I might add, that her reasoning was because he doesn't like me and would make the visit hard on me!). The reason this was done was so that if/when I do go back to visit our family, SS9 can see his extended family.
With the holidays approaching, I've been thinking about gifts and such. Back when we were stateside and DH had 50/50 custody, Santa visited both DH and BM's homes, and at our house SS got a gift(s) from DH and I also. My assumption is that this year, SS will just get the typical amount spent on him that DH and I spend on his gift(s) from us, since DH pays CS and Santa obviously isn't visiting SS at our house since SS won't be here. But we all know what assuming does in Stepmotherland. So, I'm asking all of you what has been done in your situations that are similar to mine.
This is not a post specifically about my DH, but about all of ours who do this because I think it is slightly entertaining.
Yesterday during the Skype call, SS announced that his birthday was in less than two weeks. Then he turned around and asked BM to remind him of the date he was actually due. She did, and I said, "I was 18 days late" to relate to him because he was also late. He said, "Oh, then you were due August 1st." Yes...my birthday is August 19th.
Then, he said, "DD is two months and three days old today!" Yes...she was born September 1st, and the call was on November 4th.
DH complimented him on his memory and SS said, "Thanks! I know when you're birthday is too...October 20th!"
DH's birthday was last week. He posted a FB status the day after that was really sweet...he thanked everyone for the birthday wishes, and said that he didn't think he'd make it to this age (because of his childhood). He thanked everyone who played a part in raising him/helping him become who he is today after his mom passed away. Then, he tagged me and said he loves me very much, and that me and DD are turning him into a sap.
DH's birthday is today. SS naturally didn't say a word about it during their call...until DH told him it was his birthday.
SS says, in a taunting tone, "Well, mayyyybeeee I'll send you an envelope with something in it. Maybe."
It was quite ballsy. I just raised an eyebrow. What kid does that? lol
SS has progressed further, and it has now reached DH's extended family.
When DH inquired about the Thanksgiving trip, SS didn't refer to people in DH's family with the words "aunt" or "uncle" preceding their names. We are very, very traditional in addressing adults (he uses Mr. and Mrs. and last names, not first names like many people do now), and he has NEVER called anyone in DH's family or mine anything but Aunt/Uncle/Grandma/Grandpa so-and-so. Of course, DH corrected him and reminded him that those people are his aunt/uncle/whatever, but SS obviously didn't care.