are there any other step talk members from south africa?

My FH has taken a lot of crap from BM. Last night I think it was at its worst - funny how she does that when he is out of town on work detail. So he says to me, I'm just not going to talk to you about her. We shouldn't talk about it.
1. I do feel that open communication will keep our relationship healthier - whether its about BM's *hit or not.
2. I want to feel as though my opinion, thoughts, and feelings matter, and if he isn't sharing, then he won't know.
3. I don't want him to feel like the whole weight of all of this is on his shoulders.

It has gotten a little better since I took myself off the hook. I tell myself I do not have to be everything to my step sons because their mother is an addict and not around. I have not been yelling and less resentful inside, but then I have returned much of the parenting/disciplining role to their father. He is not as consistent with his parenting as I am, but he is good enough. I hope over time I can love my step sons as much as they need me to. Is anyone struggling to bond with their step children?

So here is the e-mail I get.

Hi Jon-Boy,

You have been removed from DoingItAgain's buddylist.

Here's a link to DoingItAgain's profile:

http://www.steptalk.org/user/5414

Enjoy your new freedom!

Regards,
The Step Talk team

I just wanted to say ALOHA!!! I have been feeling really upset lately and on edge about being a stepmother. I think that a lot of these feelings stemmed from feeling that i didn't have anyone within my circle who i could share with.

I am not a step mom, but i really need to know how step parents experience step children.

I have 2 teenager daughters. i don't think they are angels, but they are truely well behaved loveable children.

My husband seems to like/love (not sure) them for a while and the next minute seems to be extremely irritated by them.

There has been many outburst, fights regarding this issue, it goes well for a while and then it starts from scratch again.

When communicating with them it will most of the time be harsh and without feeling.

We haven't spoken really in 3 days. An argument about something inconsequential. But what I think it stems from is a fight from a couple of weeks ago. I had 2 miscarriages in 09. We separated ...twice. The last time, he was adamant he didn't want to adopt. I went back. And grieved alone. Finally a couple of weekends ago, we had an argument. After a few days of curt words and mostly silence, followed by some hurtful words, I asked him if he felt guilty. "Do you feel guilty when you see me hurting?". He said no. He felt no guilt.

Please join my blog and write down any experiences you have had as a military stepmom. I have been "advised" by certain military personnel in power that it would not be wise of me to join a group of military wives that support each other because it would turn into a "bitch" fest. Well to him, I would like to say "Take that FUBAR advice and shove it where the sun don't shine!!!" Please, oh, please, come here to support one another. Come here to vent. Make it the biggest "bitch" fest the world has ever known! Go MSMs! (Military Stepmoms!)

Well it has been so nice around here other than on Saturday when oldest SD asked if BM could come over for visit before work. We said you could see her before work but it has to be outside of our house not in the house. Well SD made the comment "oh back to that Sh*t again are we." At that point I made DH have a talk with the 2 girls in private again to explain why its wrong for BM to come over and in our home anytime they want.

I keep hearing about these horrible ex-husbands...which of course, the witch would probably claim my DH is...but the fact is, that nobody is perfect and I'm still trying to figure out how anyone could be so stupid to not balance things out...