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C'mon StepTalk / Wife! You can do better than this.

Jon-Boy's picture

So here is the e-mail I get.

Hi Jon-Boy,

You have been removed from DoingItAgain's buddylist.

Here's a link to DoingItAgain's profile:

Enjoy your new freedom!

The Step Talk team

See. DoingItAgain's profile must be my wife's new profile.
Because when I got this e-mail I was thinking, who the heck is "DoingItAgain"? I don't remember being a buddy to this person.
So I look on my buddy's list to see if it looked any different.
Low and behold "LovingLife" is not there on my list anymore.

She does not feel safe on here with me.
This hurts. More than any of you will ever know.
We don't see things in the same way. And our opinions clash on this site. Some of you have seen our bickering before.
Well that communication is now over between us.

I will give her, her new freedom.
I will leave my profile up. There is nothing I am hiding. I believe in the posts and comments I have made.
Maybe they can help someone.
So I am saying goodbye to StepTalk.
My wife needs an outlet.

So change your name again whatever you feel you need to do.
I will not be on here anymore.


Sita Tara's picture

I didn't know your wife was on here.

Sorry this is happening JB. I know I'm always amazed that Admin and Dawn can both be here. I don't think my STBX and I could have been here. Of course he sees the need to be here as another weakness in my character now. Ironic...
As I see his need to find a replacement person to fill his personal voids as a weakness.

I wish everyone could just get along. You know I'm on a new support group for victims of infidelity, and both partners (the spouse who was betrayed and the spouse who cheated) are welcome. Usually the only people who were the cheaters on site are ones who are trying to reconcile with their spouse of course and want help staying together. So both are on site.

The site is set up so that no one is allowed to vent at the betrayed spouses on their forum, or the cheaters on their forum. Then they have different settings for when a betrayed spouse wants to hear from the cheating side for advice on how to stay married etc.

I posted a q on a forum welcoming the former cheaters to give me advice about my H's lack of remorse/anger with me/refusal to reconcile, as in is there anyone on the site who acted like that before deciding to reconcile later.

On my post a former cheater who is working out his marriage posted that yes, he was a jerk for two years before he realized it.

And his betrayed wife send me a PM, because she said they don't comment on each other's posts on site.

That may be a good rule to implement on here when both spouses are on here.

Just a thought.

I'll send Admin the site so he can see how they have set it up. It's one of the best I have seen and is comparable to this one in set up and usability.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Deleted post - I agree with Stick

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Stick's picture

Jon-Boy / DoingItAgain - I'm sorry that the two of you cannot be on here. I would hate to see it affecting your real life relationship.

But if this site is, then it's not helpful for either one of you - in my opinion.

Hope whatever it is can be worked out. But I have to say to you Jon-Boy.... again - my opinion - you and DoingItAgain should be discussing this in private... not on the public forum. She should have told you about her name change and dropping you / all buddies from her list. I can only imagine the hurt you feel now. I can also only imagine the hurt DIG will feel when she logs on and sees this from you with the responses.

If you guys are using this forum to communicate (or not).. that could be where the problem is.

Maybe you BOTH need a break from this site. And should just write letters to each other. And vent to each other. And then TALK.

I'm not sure where the communication breakdown is between the two of you. But the two of you need to WORK TOGETHER - not separately to fix it.

BEST OF LUCK AND HUGS TO YOU BOTH. I'm really sorry to read this as I like both of you and hope that things get better.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

onehappygirl's picture

I hope things get worked out between you two. I like you both. I do understand how hard it is to read some of the stuff written on here by your partner. Truelight has been very understanding, but I know some of the stuff I have written stings a bit.


Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Amazed's picture

I'm sorry to see you go jon. I can also understand why you're hurt. I would feel a sting if my husband did this. Being on a site together can be Dh and I work together every day,all day but I doubt we would be able to function as valuable members of the same site. I commend you both for a least trying.

Hope you'll change your mind and stick around.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

Jon-Boy's picture

Thanks for your concerns.
Just so you all understand my intent with this post though.
I am ok with this. It hurt yes. I am not looking for sympathy in this.
Just pointing out a glitch in how this works here.

I understand the need for women to vent.
My wife can't vent with out me trying to put my spin on things.
I try and fix it.

So it has led us to this point.

BUT here is the problems.

1) She deletes her old profile.
But the site sends me an e-mail saying...
I am not this persons buddy no more.

2) And the site tells me her new user name.

3) Says, enjoy your new freedom.

How is she to get her privacy with this?
I was not intended to get the comment on problem #3 THAT WAS INTENDED FOR HER.

So I know who she still is, and that she is hiding from me.

this post I did is not to post up our "issues" on here. So don't take my post the wrong way.
It is to let all you know that doing this requires more attention to detail than what just happened.
If you need to do some hiding? Then your better off completely starting over and using a different e-mail address.
No ties at all...

The peace at home will still be what it is.
It's all good.
Please no worries about me leaving.
Good luck to you all...
God bless
And with that.
This is my last post/reply