It all started with just trying to schedule a time to call SD which SURPRISE was met with difficulty as it has been continuously for several months now. BM kept oversharing about her work instead of giving a time/date to call SD this weekend. So DH finally told her to stop oversharing when she refused to share any information about SD when the school and therapist were contacting DH out of concern for SD's mental and physical wellbeing. Guess what happened? She went off about things from 5+ years ago, dragging me into it claiming I talked shit about her, etc.

Happy Friday, STalkers! It's been a hot minute since we've had an Eff Off Friday. Definitely overdue!

Eff off to:

SD63 has been quiet the past few months.  We see her early each month when she pays us her share of "rent" and cuts DH's hair.  For months now, we've seen her hands trembling.  I know she also had some kind of heart issue identified during a December hospital visit.  She was supposed to schedule further testing but never did.

She called Tuesday, had an appointment with her primary that day but car trouble.  I offered to take her since DH87 is not up to travel to unfamiliar destinations.  The trip was "eventful" in typical SD fashion with wrong exits, confusion and all the rest.

BM has been silent about SS13's therapy since she sent the initial email a few months ago, simply telling DH she was enrolling SS in therapy for "anxious thoughts" and providing the therapist name/phone number, along with the insane out of pocket price, because this therapist is private pay only. DH responded that he was in disagreement with using a private pay therapist.

I've managed to avoid being in the same space as BM for about 8 years, but I broke my streak this weekend. OSD had a sorority event that she invited XH, DD, and me to. I should have asked, but I just assumed BM wasn't coming because in the past OSD has always given me a warning and BM also hasn't been super involved in anything to do with SDs' University. I don't know if BM decided to come at the last second or what, but she was one of the first people we saw when we walked into the venue. 

My stepdaughter is 7 almost 8, and since the beginning I’ve realized that she is a people pleaser to please her mom. Biomom is a nightmare. She is the epitome of toxic and narcissistic. Wretched is the word that comes to mind. At the beginning of my relationship with SO she would scream obscenities at me from her car during pick up and drop off of my stepdaughter. The first nine months of our relationship were that way until finally I guess she realized the only way I would communicate or engage with her is if there was some civility.
 

BM worked hard to create mutual dependence between/among herself and the skids. The enmeshment with SD in particular has been like nothing I've seen. For years, I likened "BM's world" to a cocoon inhabited by the three of them. SS was at times an outlier, but it appears that he, now in his late 30s, has fully entered the fold. Like he's going backwards.

The saga that began with me entering into a relationship with a man who has a horrific ex, a custody battle which went in his favor, and learning his daughter was subjected to horrific emotional/psychological abuse by that woman......all may be coming to a very interesting end....which means it will be the beginning of something new and challenging indeed.

A little follow up on the upcoming court appearance.. DH has tried to get in contact with BM, who lives in a different state, to go over the court summons MIL sent with her delusional statements. BM claimed she just got it today then followed up through texts that she just doesn't want to deal with our family drama... I mean it includes her son but I guess she feels like that's not her problem. Unfortunately for BM (and us because she's useless), she has to be included as a noncustodial parent regardless of her lack of motivation.

Why do we, or why does anyone, tolerate stench?  Whether it is an actual odor, or a speculative odor, if it stinks, pinch your nose, find, and eliminate the source.

Certainly there is some element of the level of pleasantness of a smell is in the nose of the smell-er. However, some things are unquestionably noxious odoriferous emanations.  Noxious people, noxious behaviors, noxious attitudes, etc, etc, etc.

Why keep "smelling" them?

That is the question.