You are here

SS’s new game

EveryoneLies's picture

SS15 recently started the new "I can't hear you" game with me.

It doesn't matter I was talking in a quiet environment, he "just can't hear me". He was always able to hear me right away if I was to take away shit with the same volume though, how intriguing. Basically he "can't" hear me when I talk nicely to him, and in his mind I am the bad guy when I raise my volume losing my patience when I have to tell him the same thing 3 times. 

DH had another "heart to heart" talk with him just two nights ago (After SS pissed off DH by playing an abused victim. No one is abusing SS here), with SS all tearing up saying he's going to do better, be nicer. (Side note, he is always tearing up, even for a paper cut) I didn't have much hope that anything would change, but still hate it when I'm right that nothing will change. 



EveryoneLies's picture

Yea, and I should combine with the "I will walk away when you are talking to me" trick that he dishes out all the time lol

Ispofacto's picture

I'm hearing impaired and people have been accusing me of faking it my entire life.  I finally got my hearing tested a few years ago and they say it's the type of hearing loss you are born with.  It seems selective because I'm only semi-deaf at certain amplitudes and frequencies.  It's called a cookie bite hearing loss.  I have hearing aides but don't wear them because I have sensory issues and hate them.

So maybe get his hearing checked and if he comes out fine, give him consequences.


EveryoneLies's picture

He can hear us talking about things not concerning him from upstairs and fly down to interrupt any conversation that he find interesting, and he eavesdrops all the time. 

If his hearing is impaired I would have no problem talk a bit louder to him.

I do appreciate the perspective and will keep that in mind if he treats others the same way he treats me. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Awe hell, have some fun with this.  Since he has selective hearing, talk about some great things at the nice level , something so fabulous that he can't resist responding then tell him you can't hear him.  I hate 12 yo kids. They can be real a-holes at times.  

EveryoneLies's picture

Haven't thought about this!  lol  I thought i'm prepared to face difficult teen interactions but I guess not!

StepUltimate's picture

Whisper that you're taking him + his 5 best friends to Disneyland/wherever next weekend. Biggrin

Evil4's picture


OMG! I'm in hysterics!

lieutenant_dad's picture

Does he have a phone? I'd stop talking to him and just text him. Three times. After the third, tell DH. Or better yet, make it a group text so DH can see SS ignore it.

I'd also not get to the point of yelling. After three times, tell DH that SS has ignored you. Each and every time. Perhaps when your DH has to hear you so much he'll finally figure out a solution for SS.

I'd also call out SS everytime he hears some conversations, particularly those he shouldn't be listening to and interrupting, and not others.

This all assumes that SS does indeed not having a hearing problem. My DH has hearing damage from his time in the military, so he can't hear as well if there is a lot of white noise. He also has a limited range of hearing, so you have to be talking directly at him for him to hear you. Might be worthwhile for DH to take him to have his hearing checked, if for no other reason than it would either confirm that SS does have a hearing problem OR that he is purposefully being selective in his hearing. SS's reaction to having a hearing appointment may also be telling. Relief about it may mean he does think he has a problem, whereas begging not to go and suddenly being able to hear you will show he has been taking the whole time.

Merry's picture

Taking him for a hearing test is a great idea. Natural consequences if he is faking. Important intervention if he's not.

Survivingstephell's picture

I like the group text idea.  When SS doesn't respond or do the chore, you can just text to the group "still waiting".  Let DH get on his butt.  

EveryoneLies's picture

He has a phone but he doesn't use it often, especially now we are all just home. These interactions we have happened when we cross in common areas. i can bring up hearing test next time, but really in truth he doesn't have an issue hearing things, he just doesn't always feel like responding.

the "I can't hear you" game is new and is only towards me. Not anyone else in the household. I do not have a voice that much softer than anyone else here.

AgedOut's picture

the 'I can't hear you' game isn't a one player game. Two can play it. Maybe you don't hear him ask for a favor, make him something, anything he needs from you ..maybe you don't hear him... 


like everyone else I'm assuming it's not a hearing issue. 

Rags's picture

However, I can't hear shit if there is background noise at all or if I am focused on something intently.  If I am reading, I can't hear clearly, if a TV is on, I can't hear conversation clearly, if we are at a restaurant, I can't  hear clearly.

Part of it is that I an interested in everything going on around me and my brain does not channel hop quickly enough to keep up with everything so everything blurs auditorily speaking.  

For this reason, I have to intently focus on the person I am conversing with, I do not take my lap top to meetings though I work at the epicenter of no one pays attention and works on their laptops all through meetings. If I have my laptop I miss key meeting elements. I do not like missing key elements.

And yes, I could probably use hearing aids to help with it all.  Though my hearing is not severly impaired, I do have the usual high freqency losses associated with my age.  When I was a young man,I had a hard time being in department stores because the high frequency theft alarms drove me nuckin futz and gave me splitting headaches.  It took time to dawn on me that as I got into my late 20s and early 30s that I no longer had that issue.

When we last lived in the ME they would have hearing health public service announcements on TV that had an progressive frequency tone with an age progression number next to it.  When the age number ticked to my age, I could hear the tone. I could not hear the tone at the younger age frequency levels. That made an impression on me.

Have daddy get the kid's hearing tested.  If for no other result than to be able to call bullshit on his "I can't hear you" manipulative crap.  If it turns out he has a hearing deficit, then daddy can get him some help. 

Keep in mind that he is male and selective hearing is a real thing in the XY side of the human genome. It can be overcome by air horns, raised voices, or throwing objects at the person engaging in selective hearing.