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Skid ill with another infection

Bex_S's picture

So SD8 is supposed to be coming over this weekend, but BM has just told us she has yet another infection. She didn't come over this weekend just gone because she'd made herself ill with yet another GI bug because she refuses to wash her hands, so I said to DH she can't come over because she'd make the baby sick. He agreed. Now because she never washes her hands and doesn't wash properly in the bath or shower (despite being taught countless times), she's got an infection in her eczema. She picks at it with her filthy hands and then wonders why it gets infected. I don't know how many more times she needs to be taught the importance of hand washing and good hygiene. She's had rewards, punishment... you name it we've tried it. Yet she still refuses to wash her hands, or either runs the tap to pretend she's done it, or does a deliberately bad job, to the point where there's still visible dirt on her hands. If she wants to be dirty and get sick all the time, that's her prerogative, but I'm sick and tired of her constantly bringing illnesses into my home and making my boy sick, and spreading her filth all over him and the house. And I'm not talking about the common cold either; that can't be helped. I'm talking about illnesses from dirt and deliberate lack of hygiene. I've even caught her picking her nose and wiping it on my son before now. And I thought her wiping it on the walls and furniture was bad enough.

She has a good example set for her by me, DH, BM and BM's partner, yet she still insists on living like stig of the fucking dump. She caught nits from other kids at school, and because she refused to be treated, they just propagated (she would kick off royally when you tried to treat her). When we'd finally got rid of the fucking things, she'd already spread them to so many other kids, she got them straight back again.

We've even tried going back to washing her ourselves, but even that doesn't work because she deliberately dirties herself up again like a dog rolling in shit after a bath. She refuses to be a big girl and do things for herself. Anything that requires any level of independence, she will drag her heels, because she wants to be babied so she can be centre of attention all the time and maintain power and control over her parents. She's always been like this, even before I was pregnant. This is just one of her many faults. She's extremely obnoxious, self-obsessed and manipulative; this is just one of her many tactics to have everyone rushing to her and making everything about her. Jesus she's willing to play the sick role and do herself harm just to be star of the fucking show. She rubbed her own shit in the carpet last month just to upset DH and I. She claimed she had an accident, but judging by the amount that was rubbed into the carpet, with no evidence of attempted cleaning, it was very apparent she'd rubbed it in on purpose. Then after seeing DH bust his arse spending 2 hours with the rug doctor cleaning the carpet, she proceeds to pour paint all over the carpet, again claiming it was accidental. I saw the vile smirk on her face when DH saw what she'd done, the spiteful little shit. She just enjoys making people suffer. On father's day, she made a huge deal about making DH a card, even though she'd already given him one, because I'd just given him a card from our son. She then made a point of putting her new card in front of our son's on the mantlepiece so you could only see hers. She just couldn't stand for anyone else to be subject of conversation or have any attention, even her own brother. When we're all out, she'll deliberately make an arse of herself just so everyone will look at her, tells nasty lies and is just generally a little cunt to everyone, especially any other kids that are there. She'll go as far as to lie that they're bullying her if play doesn't go exactly as she wants.

Anyway, I'm digressing massively. I could go on all day about her many personality flaws. Even her own parents are at a loss with her, and don't know why she's so conceited and deliberately spiteful. She's turned into such a horrible person (she makes BM look like a saint), as you've probably read in my other entries on various blogs. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to come between DH and SD, but I also want to protect my son from being made needlessly ill all the time because of filthy SD. So I'm completely stuck in the middle, and I feel like I've been put in the awful position of having to choose between my husband and my son.


beebeel's picture

Nasty. Older kids playing with their own shit = therapy. ASAP. There is something seriously wrong with this one, and I would be up my husband's ass until he made the appointment.

Harry's picture

You have to start with someone with an MD after there name.  This is not normal at all.  The faster someone get her help the better it will be 

Bex_S's picture

We've already been down the therapy route and it hasn't worked. She's seen developmental psychologists, doctors, you name it. She hasn't got any diagnosable condition. So unless she's got some previously unknown condition, she's just a shitbag. I'd be more understanding if there was something medically or developmentally wrong with her, but there isn't. I'm at a complete loss as to what I can do, other than to pack my son and I's things and run for the fucking hills.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Have any of the “professionals” mentioned Oppositional Defiance Disorder or Conduct Disorder?

 Finding quality mental health help for children can be incredibly difficult and taxing, so I really feel for you.

notarelative's picture

SD is beyond the play therapy most providers use. She needs to be seen by someone who specializes in working with pediatric patients who do not respond to the techniques the usual therapists use. In my area of the U.S. there is a psychiatric pediatric hospital that can be utilized. DH and BM can ask the child's medical provider for a referral to a therapist who sees the most difficult cases.

thinkthrice's picture

with discipline and severe punishment, public shaming, etc.

Ahh the good ol' days!

SteppedOut's picture

Girl, hell to the no. I wouldn't deal with that in my home all the time. No. And you shouldn't be expected to either. Damn. Yuck.

Bex_S's picture

No my son is with my husband. And I'm loathed to having my son and I driven out of our home because of skid. She comes here less than she used to, thank God. She just doesn't seem to want to come here other than to revel in the attention she gets and to make us miserable. A lot of the time she doesn't come over at all (her choice). She just wants to be able to live like a feral animal and do what she wants. Because I come down on her like a tonne of bricks, she doesn't like that, so she doesn't want to come over. Fine. If you can't obey the simple rules of my home, then you're not welcome in it.