Being made to feel guilty for my feelings....sigh
So my DH, understandably is missing his daughter during quarantine, as BM and partner are both still working so SD is staying with them. That wasn't our choice. DH suggested the day of lockdown and before BM and partner returned to work that SD would be safter with us. SD had severe whooping cough as an infant and has scarred/weakened lungs so is potentially high risk if she gets infected. BM wouldn't have it; she cares more about having her kid with her so she doesn't miss her, than try to keep her safe. For a woman who loses her shit when princess brat even cuts her finger, it's worrying that she's not taking this more seriously. To protect our son DH had to make the difficult decision for SD to stay with her mum until lockdown is over, as their household is obviously not isolating.
Now I understand that DH misses his kid and I've been supportive when he's had his low ebbs concerning this. DH and I are always open and honest with eachother with regards to our feelings; we don't bottle things up or lie just to make it easier in the moment; all that does is make things build and potentially cause an argument. This has always worked for us.
But this last time DH got a bit upset about missing SD following a very short and self absorbed videocall from her; she was barely paying attention and didn't seem interested in talking to him, even after not speaking to him for over a week. The last phonecall before that was BM using SD as a proxy to ask for money; SD wasn't ringing to talk to him.
I think DH must have been upset about that, as clearly SD doesn't miss him at all. So everything just erupted and he got really upset. I tried to comfort him and he says to me "I know you guys don't get on, but don't you miss her?". I gave him the honest answer which was no (in more sugar coated manner), and he gets on at me like I'm the worst person ever. "I don't know why you hate her so much, she's my daughter and it hurts me that you don't like her". I explained to him I understand the difficult position he's in, but there's too much water under the bridge between me and her, and I'm done throwing her olive branches just for them to be shoved back in my face. I was honest in saying that all other things aside we don't get on as people, and he needs to get used to that because the personality clash will only worsen as she gets older. I'm not rude to her and I'm not dismissive of her, despite the opposite coming from her. I remain polite and interactive without neglecting our son. He understood but clearly didn't like hearing what he'd suspected for a while, but it looks like being honest about my feelings is only ok under certain circumstances. DH and I already have a strained but civil relationship with SS25 mainly due to his refusal to bother with our son, so I think this was just the icing on a very shitty cake for DH. I feel for him, but chastising me for being honest about my feelings, with the one person I should be able to tell anything to? What the hell.