You are here

BM moving SD AGAIN

Bex_S's picture

Now, anyone who's read my previous posts will know I'm not a fan of my SD, by any stretch of the imagination. But today I feel for her, tbh. Since BM and DH split 6-7 years ago, BM has moved SD no less than 6 times...soon to be 7. She and her current partner (place your bets on how long that will last...) are about to move all the kids for the second time within 2 years. And these poor kids all live on top of eachother; including BM and partner, it is an 8 person household, complete with 2 dogs and 2 cats that piss and shed everywhere. All about to be crammed into a 3 bed house, which for some reason they are purposefully looking for?! Why not look for somewhere bigger? They've previously had somewhere that was *slightly* more in keeping with the size of their family, but for some reason they're now downsizing again? Maybe if BM spent more money on rent, and not on new cars (when the one she had was fine), and "pedigree" animals she doesn't look after properly, then maybe she could get somewhere better than a sardine can for the children. 2 of these children are preteen and teen, and I'm sure they don't want to have to share a bedroom with little siblings under the age of 7.

So now we're probably going to have to deal with another 6 months of behavioural problems from SD like the last 3 house moves. Why does she keep doing this?! Why needlessly put children through such upheaval? Not to mention, BM's partner's ex husband recently died after coming back into their kids' lives after a 2 year estrangement. Those kids, of all people don't need this shit right now. 

Just another way that BM shows her complete disregard for others, even her own child, in favour of her own wants and needs. Bitch. She values putting on a show of the perfect Facebook family, when really the children are all being raised feral in a house that's too small, while being sent to a shit school and being made to move house every 5 minutes. No wonder SD is such a mess. I'm not a fan of her personality, but certain household habits and lack of age appropriate skills are not her fault. She has a BM who either infantilises or neglects her.


hereiam's picture

BM over here always moved a lot, too, because she was always getting evicted. I say "was" but I don't think much has changed since SD had become an adult, nor does it matter which marriage BM is on (6th).

Is the BM in your situation choosing all of these moves, or having to move? Either way, it does suck for the kids.

tog redux's picture

OMG, BM in your situation has been married SIX times? Holy hell. She must be a true romantic, lol.


Bex_S's picture

No she's only been married once to my DH. She's had 2 failed "serious" relationships that all lasted the same length, follwing her marriage. We know she was up to a lot in between. DH went to her house once for agreed visitation, and found 2 year old SD unattended downstairs while she was fucking some random guy upstairs. Same cycle every time with relationships; they never last more than 3 years or so. She just moves all the time for some reason, I can't get my head round it.

Bex_S's picture

I suppose 2 house moves were necessary; one was the landlord selling up, and the other was to move out of DH'S house. The rest are just her inability to commit to anything, or her inability to maintain relationships. She moves in with her partners way too quickly, commits quickly. Then when the honeymoon phase goes and reality sets in, the person goes from the love of her life to a piece of shit. She cheats and/or moves out and the cycle starts again, all with an innocent child in tow.

She's never happy with what she's got and always wants something new (unfortunately a trait she's passed to SD). So she gets bored with the way her life is and makes huge changes without thinking how that affects others. I'm sure she has borderline personality disorder. Then again she'd only use that as an excuse; she's just a horrible person. 

tog redux's picture

She sounds like she may have Borderline Personality Disorder, or traits, at least.  Read up on it and you will understand (sort of - it's hard to really wrap your head around) why she does what she does.

keepitsimplestupid's picture

know your backstory so please excuse any oversights in my reply but...

has anyone considered contacting CPS for a welfare check or something?  In my area, 8 people in a 3 BR home is illegal.  2 per bedroom max. is all that is allowed.  And if the home is in such a nasty condition, CPS might be interested in that as well.  What does your SD think about having to constantly move?  It IS sad.  Just as she makes a friend, she's uprooted again.  Sad

Bex_S's picture

We've been down that route to no avail, unfortunately. CPS found issues enough to monitor and give advice, but no further action was taken. 

We had a similar issue with my cousin's ex. She drank through every pregnancy and made every child (by different fathers) premature. My cousin fought for 4 years to finally get custody, and the shit that CPS would "allow", was ridiculous. His ex got drunk and passed out on the sofa, and their daughter was found wandering the streets by an elderly woman who took her to the nearest police station. Even then he wasn't afforded custody because he lived in a 1 bed flat at the time. The child was temporarily put into her grandmother's care. My cousin's ex has since lost custody of all her children, finally. 

The law here regarding these issues are ridiculous, and SO biased towards the mother.

But with the overcrowding, apparently children under 2 don't count as a person, and ones under 8 are 0.5. So added up, they're lawfully not overcrowded, although ethically they are. It's so frustrating. 

Disneyfan's picture


 "In my area, 8 people in a 3 BR home is illegal."

I find this hard to believe. Not all families can afford 4-5 bedroom apartments or houses. Low income families do not earn enough to be able to afford 4+ bedroom apartments/houses.  

The government can't tell people how many bedrooms they must have UNLESS the family is fostering kids or receiving some type of housing assistance.   In that case the agencies won't placed foster kids into the home unless the home meets the requirements for bedrooms, gender and age.  A family recieving housing assistance won't be able to use government funds to move into/pay for a property that doesn't have the required number of bedrooms for the family size.



tog redux's picture

Yeah, I've never heard of laws about how many people can live in one house before, either, unless like you said, they are using public assistance.  At least not around here.

Crspyew's picture

Lots of big families 8 or 9 kids.  Most homes had 3 bedrooms.  The expectation of 2per bedroom seems a very first world problem not based in reality.  My nieces have 6 and 7 kids respectively--both live in 3 bedroom homes and have nice normal kids.

Bex_S's picture

This is the thing. She boasts about how much money they have, and how they buy expensive things, regular big day trips, holidays, etc. They claim every benefit under the sun from the government (to the sum of £2,000 a month as she loves to boast). She and her partner both have full time jobs, and BM gets a fortune in child support from DH. Yet she forces 6 children to share 2 bedrooms?! 1 is a teenage boy so has a room to himself. So 5 girls, varying in age from 3 to 12, are crammed into 1 bedroom. Yet she can afford 4 pedigree animals and 2 new cars?! She's just being selfish and spending the money on herself. 

I'd understand if they genuinely couldn't afford a bigger place, but this really doesn't seem the case at all. And they did live separately before. I don't see why the children should all be piled on top of eachother so they can share a bed 7 nights a week, it's not fair at all.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

This said like SD10 BM. She had a whole fake

life on FAcebook when, she didn't work so she basically made buying makeup and looking fake a hobby. They moved to a big house because the husband made great money! Never had a issue with SD during that time or when I came into the picture . BM cheated and moved her and SD in her sisters cramped house, had

to change schools. SD behavior starts to get bad. BM then decides to move her and SD Inter her mothers house and change schools. Then about 3 months ago BM leaves and moved 3 hours away and leaves SD with her mother to live while she gets "settled" In The new city. I can not tell her how many behavioral issues WE have been dealing with because of BM. Such a selfish bitch . 

Disneyfan's picture

Why do you call BM a selfish bitch but not your husband?  BM is bouncing the kid from place to place, but your husband isn't doing anything to stop it.  

Plenty of the BMs posted about here are flaky and unstable.   Some dads try to remove their kids from the foolishness but get knocked down by the courts.

Others do absolutely nothing.  While they may complain about the choices the BMs make, they are willing to step in and put in the work required to get the kids into a stable situation and/or take on the responsibilities of being the full time parent. 

Those dads are  just as selfish as the BMs.


Bex_S's picture

I don't call my husband selfish because he isn't being. He is trying as hard as he can within the limits of the law. We've had CPS involved as I said above, and we have sought the advice of a solicitor, who said categorically we would not win if we took her to court. 2 other solicitors told us the same. We've even kept diaries since she was 4 in case things did go to court. We will not put ourselves in financial jeopardy for a losing battle, especially when we have a baby to think about.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Exactly! Thank you! Sometimes fathers are not favored in court and way are we suppose to bend over backwards for the sake of BM choices! We also have 2 littles one under the age of 4 to financially provide for and not get tangled in a losing battle! DH tried in the past to gain Full custody and BM got really ugly and kept SD from DH and bullied him to not attempt the "mess" with her legally because he is not a US citizen. Some times the fathers hands really are tied

LuluOnce's picture

Yeah, we had to take legal action to get the kids away from BM after she drove the kids to school with her eyes closed because "the Lord was in control of the car". Because she is schizophrenic (among other things) and was visibly still in a psychotic state at the hearing, DH won.

But since BM has "stabilized" -- meaning she isn't psychotic, but she's also not fit to resume parenting duties and has supervised visits -- the courts have run DH over, bending over backwards to "restore Mother's parental rights" and making DH pay for all of it, including her legal fees.

It's a complete racket and is killing us financially. The stress is insane. I don't think DH is completely ready to exit the court system yet but after having this experience with DH, I no longer blame the fathers who don't try to "protect" their kids from BM's bulls**t. Court is a bit of a rigged game, IMHO. Dad's have a chance, but a very small one. How many people's lives does one BM get to ruin?

Lndsy747's picture

My SD moves pretty much yearly (sometimes more sometimes less). She's a senior in high school and has been in at least 12 different School districts. SD sees it as BM working hard to get through school and get a good job so that they can have a better life. I think it's selfish and that SD has missed out on a lot of her childhood because BM was so focused on herself.

We thought a lot about going to court but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't stop her or change custody and we always asked SD how she felt about the moves and BM always had her brainwashed that it was in their best interest.