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I should be glad really, but I have my late mother in my head!

Lifer33's picture

Covid 19, awful times, I hope everyone is bearing up as best as can be?

We expected high drama here, either about contact or maintenance payments and we're surprised to get neither. It was dictated by bm that 'ss will stay with me for the duration of lockdown'. now, what she meant by 'me' was that she will go to work all day, and her bf cohabiting will have and home school ss. I'm truly glad that that's happening as we are self isolating due to bd4 being vulnerable. Dh voiced that too, as shes not only working but her bf child coming and going, mothers day gatherings at their home, and other stupidity. 

Since lockdown a fortnight ago ss 10 hasn't contacted dh once, dh has videocalled him. One day he took bd4 over there for a distanced walk as she was crying missing her brother. Everytime dh does contact ss all he gets is 'look at my new I watch mum bought me, I've done this, I've had this' yes it's grating, spoilt, brattish. 

As of today I asked 'when are you going to speak to ss' dh said ' he never picks up the phone to me and when I call him all i hear sounds like  (his bm and sd) bullshit coming out. 

Of course I can't deny this, it totally is, but as the adult should he keep on trying, or, give in to I guess a bit of childlike hurt himself, and leave it . I can hear my late mother in my head telling me to tell him to  'rise above it' but I can appreciate why he's hurt and offended. Until bf came along bm couldn't wait to drop ss on us every opportunity, and they were close. Now she's totally  alienated dh in favour of creating a new family, trying to make her bf 'daddy'. As covid 19 goes on this could be the end of their relationship, but I'm actually sad for them both 



lieutenant_dad's picture

My thoughts during this specifically?

Your DH needs to keep contacting SS. He can change direction with the conversation. He can do homeschooling with SS from a distance. It'll be hard, but doable.

I'd also be keeping track of how many visits DH misses and try to peaceably, in writing, work with BM on a plan to make up that time in the future. If she scoffs, or phone calls stop entirely, I'd hire an attorney to send a strongly worded letter to BM that your DH will file contempt charges going forward, that he is only abstaining from visitation to protect DD4 and practice social distancing.

The kid is only 10, and these are strange times. Yes, DH needs to rise above because letting it slip now will only make it easier to slip in the future. SS needs to understand that right now visitation isn't possible, but that doesn't give him permission to ignore his father even if BM tells him he can.